It's finally over, she is now dating the guy she cheated on me with.

[randuff]

Well tonight I found out that my ex fiance is dating the guy she cheated on me with. This after telling me that she isn't capable of a relationship because of her issues. I guess more of the lies and deceit.

 

I dunno this is a huge blow to me but maybe it is what I needed to get my ass in gear. I called her to confront her about this. Maybe this is closure I need. She says she still loves me and cares about me (which after 4 years I am sure she has some feelings) but I figure this is just to keep me around in case she needs someone....

 

My heart is completely torn and I can't understand why.

 

Oh well time to really move on now.

[spookie]

Look at the bright side: it might hurt like a bitch now, but you KNOW you dodged a bullet.

 

There are women out there who won't cheat and who won't get into a relationship when they aren't ready just because they can't be alone (which I'm positive is what's going on here).

 

You'll meet someone good one day randuff, you're a good guy and it shows through in your posts. Wait it out.

[randuff]

I was really shaky when I originally found out but now after I have been able to soak it in for the last hour I think it isn't going to be as hard as I thought.

 

Actually it seems like it is a relief. A great weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally move on with MY life. I hope this isn't a phase and I truly can (and will) move on with my life.

 

I will miss the good times we had but I am positive that when I meet the "right" one, It will just be through the roof.

[SmileyFace82]

Hey man, you are doing great. I kinda know what you are going through as i have had a smiliar experience and for people like us... we've just got to say that we were lucky that we didn't marry this one and we found out before it was too late.

 

I still care about my ex but she lied to me and that is something i can never forgive her for. She doesn't speak to me anymore and i don't speak to her. Sometimes i wonder and think about her but i know that she's moved on and i should move on too. She's dating her friend/colleague literally after ending it with me...and she never told me...but i'd bumped into them together a couple of weeks after we had finished. I know that pain... and it was the worst ever experience and feeling. Especially after she assured me that ther were just "friends" and that he is a player and beds a lot of women(!). I laugh at that comment now which makes me realise i'm moving on... slowly but surely.

 

It is our ex's choice to be with someone else and one day they might look back and realise their mistakes... by that time we would've moved on and we will be happy with someone else who actually cares and cherishes us for who we are. Everything goes round in roundabouts...she doesn't feel the pain right now cause she's with someone else but if/when she is single again she will realise what it feels like to be alone again. It's not a great feeling...

 

Anyway, be happy and time to get back on the saddle! Time to start dating and meet a few new people and see where it takes you...

 

best advice i got... just to keep smiling!!

[Rayofsunshine]

randuff,

 

I understand what you are going through, I myself just found out that my exbf is on his way to dating again.

 

I was really upset after hearing the news and I couldn't sleep or stop crying then suddenly I realized that I'm going to be okay. While it still hurts to know that he is moving on, it kind of gives me closure. See we have been broken up for 5 months and there was always that wondering in my mind if he would come back. Don't get me wrong it still hurts like h*ll when I think about it but it has given me that extra push to move on and realize that there is someone out there who will take my breath away and give me those butterflies again.

 

There will be good days when we won't even think about the ex and some not so good days where everything reminds us of those times, but we will all get through this!

 

Remember there are many sexy possibilities out there! haha

[underpants]

Well tonight I found out that my ex fiance is dating the guy she cheated on me with. This after telling me that she isn't capable of a relationship because of her issues. I guess more of the lies and deceit.

 

I dunno this is a huge blow to me but maybe it is what I needed to get my ass in gear. I called her to confront her about this. Maybe this is closure I need. She says she still loves me and cares about me (which after 4 years I am sure she has some feelings) but I figure this is just to keep me around in case she needs someone....

 

My heart is completely torn and I can't understand why.

 

Oh well time to really move on now.

 

In a way you should be thankful that she showed you her true character. I find that you can't really 'fix' or 'save' people. All we can do is accept them for what they are (good and bad). Sometimes this means showing unhealthy people the door...and closing that door. People can only hurt you to the degree that you allow it.

 

My advice would be to just let her go completely. She made a choice (a choice based in deception). Let her live out the ramifications of that choice. Don't contact her and don't respond to her contact. She is toast, a common cheater at heart. Sucks to be her.

 

You deserve better then what she has shown you that she can offer.

 

Cut her out of your life completely and eventually you will see her in a new light.

 

When you do find a genuine person to form a connection with I can almost bet she will attempt to re-enter your life on some level. I hope that when that happens you have the core strength to not let her back in.

 

If you want a healthy and loving relationship with someone then choose your partner wisely.

 

She is just one less thing to consider.

[Lostgurl]

Aww, I'm sorry that you were hurt like this. 4 years is a long time to spend with someone.

 

But you are much better off finding out what kind of a person she is now, rather than finding out later on down the road. Especially if you two got married.

 

Keep posting. (hug)

[ninjaturtles]

When you know you have done your best, and you get repaid this way, realise that its not your fault you were treated in such a horrid way!!!There was nothing you could do to prevent it....cheat is a cheat!

 

I believe a bit in karma you know.

 

You must feel really hurt, but I love the approach you have taken...you will find someone who will not do this to do...you will find someone who will be faithful to you.

 

Its very painful ..stay strong.xxx

[shayna]

Oh man- I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had your confidence in dealing with it! I'm going thru it now myself. My ex of 8.5 years is now happily with someone else (I believe). When I'm feeling negative (most of the time), I wonder what I could possibly have meant to him- or at least that I must be somewhat easy to get over. They seem very happy together even if they aren't "in a relationship" that they'll admit to. But in the end, at least I know I tried my best to keep us together and that it wasn't my fault- we were just incompatible. I wish I could give you advice- but I'm not there yet- I can only share in your immense pain.

[brothermartin]

Whasup RANDUFF? Personally, I'm now looking forward to the day I find out my ex is dating someone else. After feeling so hurt and angry for so long now, it will be a relief to know that she is screwing up someone else and that she's some one else's problem.

 

If, it turns out, she finds the right guy for her and they are happy together, by then I wont care because she's looking for the perfect man and that will take long enough for me to get completely over her!

[Crestfallen_KH]

Just another person who can also, unfortunately, relate. My ex-husband moved in with his also-married affair partner just weeks after I and her husband moved out. Like Shayna, we also had a 8.5-year relationship. It's extremely painful to know that he developed feelings for someone else so quickly. It's as if my love, support and guidance were unimportant and so easily replaced.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I'm already starting to see some Karma kicking in. They were co-workers at a really small company and they were both let go within a month of one another, which I have to believe is no small coincidence. So now they are both essentially unemployed and have to deal with that stress on top of all of the other feelings that accompany any relationship that began as an affair. Although I don't wish him harm and do want him to be happy, I'm just not a big enough person to forego reveling in this a little.

[Crestfallen_KH]

sorry, hit a key on my laptop somehow which created a double post.

[your star]

hi randuff,

 

i hope you hang in there.. and like spookie said there are soo many woman who would not even think about cheating on their fiance. i know i wouldnt! it just shows her weakness in not being able to communicate any issues she may have had with the relationship. i've read all of your posts, and you are one who definately deserves so much more. i know the hurt and disappointment is still there, youre human, and to be hurt by this situation is just a sign that you have a good heart.

 

someone gave me this quote and i think it's soo true....

"when one door of happiness closes, another opens;

but often we look so long at the closed door..

that we do not see the one which has been opened for us" - Helen Keller

 

one day at a time is all you can really do. just focus on each day and living it the best that you can.

[Surfer Girl]

Someone doesn't get over someone after 4 years.... Bandaid.... You do not know how this will turn out.... perhaps now... this person is in the "honeymoon" stage.... Reality will set in eventually....

[AriaIncognito]

Someone doesn't get over someone after 4 years.... Bandaid.... You do not know how this will turn out.... perhaps now... this person is in the "honeymoon" stage.... Reality will set in eventually....

 

Not to be a downer, but my ex and I were together for 4 years. he met a girl 1 month post our break up. He's married and has 2 kids with her now, 7 years later. So, it's not always a bandaid.

 

Either way though, Randuff you have dodged a bullet. If she were right for you, she'd not have cheated. You deserve much more than that, and I believe you know that.

 

So, use this new found strength, and focus on the positive of the situation. You will definitely come out the other side of this :-)

[ArtBreaker]

Things could be worse, you could be Jennifer Anniston and have to watch your gorgeous husband leave you for what some consider one of the most beautiful women in the world and see them on the cover of every magazine everywhere you go and then have to watch them have a baby together. So, all I'm saying is, things COULD be worse .

[randuff]

I really appreciate everyone's input. Makes me feel a little better about everything. I actually am doing a lot better today than I had anticipated. I know in my mind things weren't going to work out and now all I am waiting for is my heart to catch up! I will definitely keep posting since this is a way for me to keep my sanity and remind myself that I HAVE to go NC and STICK WITH IT!!!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yeah but to reiterate, jennifer aniston is very pretty as well. And also Brad probably didnt know how crazy angie would be about kids and her brother. The fantasy isnt what it's all cracked up to be.

 

Anyway's Randuff. 4 years man...

 

Damn.

 

But check it out, now you got the freedom to do whatever the hell you want. And she'll call you. Believe that.

 

Also just remember she's a cheater, Why would any man knowingly respect a woman who could leave another man at the drop of a dime for someone else. It's gonna happen to her. If not, you keep it moving.

 

Focus on you. Go make some money, hit the gym, forget about her. If you got to give her back all her stuff or better yet burn them! lol.

 

That's very cleansing.

 

Good luck to you soldier.

[suffragette13]

Ugh, I absolutely dread the day that happens to me. **** her. RecordProducer wrote a brilliant thread about getting over them that kind of woke me up. Maybe it would help you too.

 

Anyway, I am currently listening to Sly and the Family Stone. You know that song, "Papa was a rolling stone"? That line, "...and when he died, all he left us was alloooonnneee..." made me start laughing my ass off. My husband doesn't have what it takes. Your girl didn't either. Some people do not have the character it takes to be mature, loving, faithful, forgiving and committed. You do. I do. No bad on them but lots of good on us...ykwim?

 

Hope you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

[randuff]

I think I see the light. It isn't too terribly bright right now but at least it is in view now which is a lot more than I could say 1 month ago. As difficult as it is going to be during the Christmas holiday I think that everything will be fine.

 

Attitude is everything and I just need to adjust my attitude and way of thinking so that I can become a better person.

 

It has to be about me now....I love me...

[niceguy27]

Hey guys. I read through and yeah...it sucks. My ex left me with all the "Im not ready to settle down" "I need to be independant" crap. She had met some a hole at her work that is completely opposite of me...fat, cocky, arrogant, and an overall jerk. Less than 2 months later I found out she is sleeping with him and apparantly now they are "together."

 

The feeling that can best be summed up for me...Worthless. I dont really believe that but I think sometimes "Was I not that important to her?" It kind of makes me feel like I was just some guy she dated. Mind you, we both knew I was going to propose to her later this year.

 

So thats how much we mean to them? They can tell us one thing and swear up and down about it, then just as quick, they can do a 180 and go the other way? Arghh....I am FINALLY in the final stages of moving on. I think its anger...not at her, but the whole situation. Im sick and tired of having it weigh on me. So props to you for starting to feel that way too!

[bish]

Well tonight I found out that my ex fiance is dating the guy she cheated on me with. This after telling me that she isn't capable of a relationship because of her issues. I guess more of the lies and deceit.

 

I dunno this is a huge blow to me but maybe it is what I needed to get my ass in gear.

 

Nah, don't look at it that way dude....just think to yourself...she can be his problem now.

 

Once a cheater always a cheater....just say good riddance to the wench.

[lost66]

My fiance left me after meeting an "emotional friend" on her batchelorette party out of town. I caught her texting and calling him on 2 occasions. After that, she moved out, wedding canceled. A few days later she met some guy. 2 months later, she is pregnant with his child. Crazy stuff. What is even more crazy is that she was telling me she wasn't ready to settle down and she wanted to be a part of the single life..

 

Everything will get better, we all will find another great person and love again. And yes, WE DODGED A BULLET. A divorce would have been an even worse situation. And, there were no kids involved either.

 

RecordProducer really had a great post about healing. Thank god for LS.