I finally lost it!

[polywog]

What about if you're meant to be with someone for a while, and then you're not meant to be with them anymore? Not necessarily you and your wife, Curm, but for any couple.

 

Is it possible to be destined to be with someone for only part of your life, but not all of it?

 

Well, I don't know about C., but I think so. There's a "soulmate" thread on LS right now addressing these very issues, which merge with this thread. Don't mean to hijack Curmudgeon's thread, by the way....

 

It IS an interesting question, and this thread resonates with it, IMO.

[Curmudgeon]

What about if you're meant to be with someone for a while, and then you're not meant to be with them anymore? Not necessarily you and your wife, Curm, but for any couple.

 

Is it possible to be destined to be with someone for only part of your life, but not all of it?

 

I think it's reasonable that we spend good and quality time with those we can, while we can. After awhile both the good and the quality can fade and we move on and "gift" another with what good and quality time we can spend with them and are gifted by them in return. But the memories linger and always contine to entice and bring joy.

 

For the record here, I am NOT alluding to anything merely sexual. I'm speaking about spiritual matters, although they can certainly enhance the rest, and should.

[Storyrider]

I think it's reasonable that we spend good and quality time with those we can, while we can. After awhile both the good and the quality can fade and we move on and "gift" another with what good and quality time we can spend with them and are gifted by them in return. But the memories linger and always contine to entice and bring joy.

 

For the record here, I am NOT alluding to anything merely sexual. I'm speaking about spiritual matters, although they can certainly enhance the rest, and should.

Interesting. Thanks.

[Curmudgeon]

...be thankful that my wife was loaned to me for a time.

[Storyrider]

Well, I'm sure you should be thankful for that, but it doesn't mean you should give up on the future.

 

I have to admit, I'm comparing your situation to my own somewhat. I thought my H. and I would be together forever when we married. Now I'm not so sure. So I'm trying to learn from what you're going through.

 

You've praised your wife and your relationship vehemently here at times. But at the same time, there is clearly a darker side to things with you two. It reminds me of my marriage in the sense that some aspects are almost too good to be true and some aspects just plain suck, and there doesn't seem to be a lot of middle ground. It is hard to know what to do when that is the case. It is almost like living in paradise and hell at the same time.

[norajane]

What about if you're meant to be with someone for a while, and then you're not meant to be with them anymore? Not necessarily you and your wife, Curm, but for any couple.

 

Is it possible to be destined to be with someone for only part of your life, but not all of it?

 

Meant to be? Come on, Story - you're smart enough to know that your life is your responsibility and is a result of every choice you make and action you take.

 

Yes, there are people who come into your life for a time - and you in theirs - and they impact your life. But that's not about 'meant to be', as if you or they have nothing to do with it and are acting out some pre-destined plan for your lives. That's about your needs and state of mind at the time, and what they have to offer that appeals to those needs and wants and state of mind.

 

Once you - or they - develop or grow or change and move beyond that place, yes, they may no longer 'fit' the role they had. If they haven't changed or developed or grown in a way they 'fit' who you are anymore, then, yes, it may be time to say 'auf wiedersehn'...it was the right choice for you at the time, but not so much now.

 

NONE of that is about 'meant to be for a while, and then you're not meant to be" with them anymore. Your choices are rational and emotional, but they are CHOICES to have or not have something/someone in your life.

 

To both you and Crum - what do you want out of life? Who do you want in it? It's in your hands - and your partners' - but it is a choice, not a pre-determined destiny.

[Curmudgeon]

Well, I'm sure you should be thankful for that, but it doesn't mean you should give up on the future.

 

I have to admit, I'm comparing your situation to my own somewhat. I thought my H. and I would be together forever when we married. Now I'm not so sure. So I'm trying to learn from what you're going through.

 

You've praised your wife and your relationship vehemently here at times. But at the same time, there is clearly a darker side to things with you two. It reminds me of my marriage in the sense that some aspects are almost too good to be true and some aspects just plain suck, and there doesn't seem to be a lot of middle ground. It is hard to know what to do when that is the case. It is almost like living in paradise and hell at the same time.

 

...if that's what it turns outto be, perhaps my wife and I were simply destined to only spend a finite bit of time together, gift one another with our joint presences, then move on.

 

I was willing to and could have stayed indefinitely. Perhaps she's just not wired that way after all.

 

Time will tell. Paradise and the inferno all together, intermingled. It's a lot to try to sort out. Perhaps it's beyond us to do so and just has to do so itself.

 

I honestly don't know!

[Curmudgeon]

NONE of that is about 'meant to be for a while, and then you're not meant to be" with them anymore. Your choices are rational and emotional, but they are CHOICES to have or not have something/someone in your life.

 

To both you and Crum - what do you want out of life? Who do you want in it? It's in your hands - and your partners' - but it is a choice, not a pre-determined destiny.

 

It may be nothing you've ever experienced or ever will but some relationships begin and then go far deeper than merely surface attraction, even if it's not lasting.

 

Some of us seek a more spiritual element. Some of us find it. Some of us later lose it. But it makes it no less real to us.

 

To answer your question, what I want is what was, or what I thought it was, and what I'm convinced it still can and should be. But I can't do it alone.

[Storyrider]

Meant to be? Come on, Story - you're smart enough to know that your life is your responsibility and is a result of every choice you make and action you take.

 

Yes, there are people who come into your life for a time - and you in theirs - and they impact your life. But that's not about 'meant to be', as if you or they have nothing to do with it and are acting out some pre-destined plan for your lives. That's about your needs and state of mind at the time, and what they have to offer that appeals to those needs and wants and state of mind.

 

Once you - or they - develop or grow or change and move beyond that place, yes, they may no longer 'fit' the role they had. If they haven't changed or developed or grown in a way they 'fit' who you are anymore, then, yes, it may be time to say 'auf wiedersehn'...it was the right choice for you at the time, but not so much now.

 

NONE of that is about 'meant to be for a while, and then you're not meant to be" with them anymore. Your choices are rational and emotional, but they are CHOICES to have or not have something/someone in your life.

 

To both you and Crum - what do you want out of life? Who do you want in it? It's in your hands - and your partners' - but it is a choice, not a pre-determined destiny.

Well, of course I believe in free will and not predestination in some kind of Calvinist sense, NJ.

 

And I very much want to take charge of my own future and destiny, more so than ever before. I think Curm has already done this for the most part, and he is disappointed in his wife for not living up to the clear expectations he has set.

 

But I do believe in some kind of pattern or plan to life and the universe. (How tight or loose that pattern/plan is, is debatable.) But each of us needs to ask ourselves,"How should I be using the gifts I've been given in this life right now? What am I supposed to be doing to maximize those gifts in the face of what life is throwing at me?" In the sense I'm talking about, character is destiny. Not necessarily character as in morality, but character as in who are you, and what is your place in the universe? What are you built to do, and are you doing it?

[Gunny376]

Well, of course I believe in free will and not predestination in some kind of Calvinist sense, NJ.

 

And I very much want to take charge of my own future and destiny, more so than ever before. I think Curm has already done this for the most part, and he is disappointed in his wife for not living up to the clear expectations he has set.

 

But I do believe in some kind of pattern or plan to life and the universe. (How tight or loose that pattern/plan is, is debatable.) But each of us needs to ask ourselves,"How should I be using the gifts I've been given in this life right now? What am I supposed to be doing to maximize those gifts in the face of what life is throwing at me?" In the sense I'm talking about, character is destiny. Not necessarily character as in morality, but character as in who are you, and what is your place in the universe? What are you built to do, and are you doing it?

 

 

Yada, yada, yada!

 

The way I see it? Is the same way as I saw it back in Beruit, Panama, Kuwait, Iraq, Gernada when some Joker was trying to take my head off with an AK-47 or an RPG!

 

The same way some Impala gazzel see's it when some lioness rips a chunk out of her hing-quarters?

 

Forget it! I'm still ALIVE!

 

And at the end of the day? That's ALL that matters!

[Gunny376]

"LT" Its time to take off the "stress pack" you've sweated enough 'blood, sweat, and tears' time to come to Alabama. The bag limit on deer is one a day, the bass fishing is good at Lake Eufla, Martin, etc. The Flordia Coast and Smokey Mountains are just hours away.

 

There's "Good people" in Alabama!

 

I came Home!

 

Why don't you?

[Mz. Pixie]

Did I miss it? Has she been to her Pdoc?

[polywog]

Yo, all.

This thread is so provocative in the questions it's raising. It reminds me of a great book, which I've recommended before (I think to you, Story):

 

"Marriage, Dead or Alive" http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Dead-Alive-Adolf-Guggenbuhl-Craig/dp/0882143786

 

I read it years ago and found it fascinating. Must qualify, though, that I have been through one marriage and a few LTRs since reading it. But I ain't no spring chicken anymore, and don't desire to grow old alone, so maybe I need to read it again. It's a very unconventional and hopeful book about that wacky bond we call marriage, and how it is a chance to grow. Jungian stuff... which I am partial to.

 

Check it out, if you feel the urge.

[Storyrider]

Yo, all.

This thread is so provocative in the questions it's raising. It reminds me of a great book, which I've recommended before (I think to you, Story):

 

"Marriage, Dead or Alive" http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Dead-Alive-Adolf-Guggenbuhl-Craig/dp/0882143786

 

I read it years ago and found it fascinating. Must qualify, though, that I have been through one marriage and a few LTRs since reading it. But I ain't no spring chicken anymore, and don't desire to grow old alone, so maybe I need to read it again. It's a very unconventional and hopeful book about that wacky bond we call marriage, and how it is a chance to grow. Jungian stuff... which I am partial to.

 

Check it out, if you feel the urge.

I have looked it up, Poly, and I feel dumb that I haven't ordered it yet. I even looked at the table of contents online. Maybe I will make it a present to myself this holiday.