Why? I Want To Know Why??

[Leia]

I am not sure if this is the right board to post this. Was thinking of OM/OW board since it is the most viewed every time I log in but I figured since the question is on 'cheating', this is the appropriate one. I realized every day there is always a new thread on 'spouse being cheated on' or 'I cheated on...'... It's scary to see how many people are cheating and being cheated on! Doesn't the word 'loyal' mean anything anymore?

 

I read so much on Infidelity and OM/OW board and I don't have anything against OM/OW but some of them (I can actually remember their names too!!!) gloat and are so proud that they are sleeping with a MM! I can also point out those who don't gloat, just there to give support (except for one who is almost stalkerish) and tell their side of the story, be it their MM ended up with them or not. I can't stand how some can't see that they are hurting their 'partners' partners. Get it?

 

Those who are married, why are you cheating on your spouse? Aren't you happy at home? Why can't you leave then go sleep with someone else? I just want to understand because reading all these threads, it is seriously making me not want to marry any guy!

 

And also, BS... how can you make your marriage after all the lies your spouse told you? After all the cheating? I really admire those who are making it work, I really am.... I wish my aunt could have made it work but her ex-husband had done a lot more damage than just cheating.

 

I don't mean to slam the people I mentioned above.... BS/OM/OW/MM/MW... I'm merely asking for some insights.... I am trying hard to comprehend what I have read around here.

[daisydufas22]

I know what you mean....... it seems so many people cheat, it's scary, huh?

 

As for the people who brag about it, they must be so insecure and messed up!

[oppath]

Don't worry Leah! Keep in mind a forum like this is going to be dominated by these threads because people who have been cheated on need support, and people who are the OM/OW really want the guy or girl, and sometimes the cheater is remorseful. An internet forum will be reif with those people.

 

Bragging about it is a bit twisted, I'll admit, but I think the number is 1 in 5 people cheat. The good news it that 4 in 5 never have or would. Those men do exist, and I know many men (myself included ) that would not be able to resist your charm and would be intensely loyal.

[reboot]

And also, BS... how can you make your marriage after all the lies your spouse told you?

It takes a really strong commitment on the part of the cheater. If it had been left all up to me, we would have been divorced a long time ago.

[Leia]

It is scary! I don't get it.

 

Oppath, it's LEIA! I know they need support and I don't mind giving it to them but it's some of those who gloat, show off that they are having an affair with married people that I have a problem with! Another bunch I can't help is the one that stays with their cheating partners for years to no end! What are they waiting for? End of day??!!

 

I read your story, reboot and I know it takes a strong person along with the partner to make it work. Just like my aunt, but she just couldn't do it in the end.

[Rooster_DAR]

It is scary! I don't get it.

 

Oppath, it's LEIA! I know they need support and I don't mind giving it to them but it's some of those who gloat, show off that they are having an affair with married people that I have a problem with! Another bunch I can't help is the one that stays with their cheating partners for years to no end! What are they waiting for? End of day??!!

 

I read your story, reboot and I know it takes a strong person along with the partner to make it work. Just like my aunt, but she just couldn't do it in the end.

 

I stay away from the OW/OM forums because they just plain disappoint me. I know exactly what your thinking, I've asked these same questions. I'm so disappointed with all of the infidelity going on these days that I've readjusted my outlook on life, and view human socialism as being no different than the animal world. Many of my close friends say that I am heading down the road of bitterness, but I am not bitter I'm just realizing what kind of world we live in.

 

There are still good men and women out there, but it just seems there are fewer and they are far between. I guess we need to take more time and scrutinize the people we have interaction with. Also, maybe people rush into relationships too quickly without taking the time to really know who the person is we are falling in love with.

 

Cheers!

[Adreanna]

I'm an xOW. I have been lurking around the OM/OW forum before this. I decided to register because some of those OW are delusional and on top of that, they can't accept anyone's opinions but theirs. Yet they come here for advice.

 

I understand why the thought of marriage scares you with all the things you read on here. For me, my work place, my friends are enough to for me to learn that people are not perfect even when exteriorly they are.

[burning 4 revenge]

I stay away from the OW/OM forums because they just plain disappoint me. I know exactly what your thinking, I've asked these same questions. I'm so disappointed with all of the infidelity going on these days that I've readjusted my outlook on life, and view human socialism as being no different than the animal world. Many of my close friends say that I am heading down the road of bitterness, but I am not bitter I'm just realizing what kind of world we live in.

 

There are still good men and women out there, but it just seems there are fewer and they are far between. I guess we need to take more time and scrutinize the people we have interaction with. Also, maybe people rush into relationships too quickly without taking the time to really know who the person is we are falling in love with.

 

Cheers!

You have to realize that out popular culture glamorizes predatory behavior.

[Phateless]

I am not sure if this is the right board to post this. Was thinking of OM/OW board since it is the most viewed every time I log in but I figured since the question is on 'cheating', this is the appropriate one. I realized every day there is always a new thread on 'spouse being cheated on' or 'I cheated on...'... It's scary to see how many people are cheating and being cheated on! Doesn't the word 'loyal' mean anything anymore?

 

I read so much on Infidelity and OM/OW board and I don't have anything against OM/OW but some of them (I can actually remember their names too!!!) gloat and are so proud that they are sleeping with a MM! I can also point out those who don't gloat, just there to give support (except for one who is almost stalkerish) and tell their side of the story, be it their MM ended up with them or not. I can't stand how some can't see that they are hurting their 'partners' partners. Get it?

 

Those who are married, why are you cheating on your spouse? Aren't you happy at home? Why can't you leave then go sleep with someone else? I just want to understand because reading all these threads, it is seriously making me not want to marry any guy!

 

And also, BS... how can you make your marriage after all the lies your spouse told you? After all the cheating? I really admire those who are making it work, I really am.... I wish my aunt could have made it work but her ex-husband had done a lot more damage than just cheating.

 

I don't mean to slam the people I mentioned above.... BS/OM/OW/MM/MW... I'm merely asking for some insights.... I am trying hard to comprehend what I have read around here.

 

There were a few threads recently where I posted the same question. I basically said that I can't think of any rationalization stronge enough to justify it. You can't live your life afraid of getting hurt. I keep getting hurt by women over and over again but I keep trying. <shrug>

 

If you lived in Cali I'd ask you out on a date.

[oppath]

 

If you lived in Cali I'd ask you out on a date.

 

Get in line.

[BeautifulMystique]

This is how I see it, OW/OM are not quite cheaters. Some of them are single women/men who got themselves involved with MM/MW so they are not cheaters unless they are attached as well. Now I can understand if you don't get the ones that are attached AND seeing a MM/MW because to me that type is the one that makes it hard for me to even think about having a relationship. I have read your other threads and I'm in the same boat. No, not in the xOW way but not trusting men.

 

BTW, I have a cousin who is a member here too. She's also like us but she has found a man that proved to her not all men are the same so in a way, that gave me hope.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

This is how I see it, OW/OM are not quite cheaters. Some of them are single women/men who got themselves involved with MM/MW so they are not cheaters unless they are attached as well.

 

 

Main Entry:1cheat Date:1590

 

1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud

 

2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice

 

3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting

 

a. to practice fraud or trickery

b: to violate rules dishonestly.

 

just because someone is not in a relationship while involved with someone who is in one, does not mean that person is not a "cheater".

 

 

just saying. there are all kinds of 'cheats' and people who screw other married people are some of them.

[BeautifulMystique]

Main Entry:1cheat Date:1590

 

1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud

 

2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice

 

3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting

 

a. to practice fraud or trickery

b: to violate rules dishonestly.

 

just because someone is not in a relationship while involved with someone who is in one, does not mean that person is not a "cheater".

 

 

just saying. there are all kinds of 'cheats' and people who screw other married people are some of them.

 

Yes, I agree now that I read your post. Thank you.

[2sunny]

some of us are unwilling to put up with a cheater and a liar!

[Adreanna]

some of us are unwilling to put up with a cheater and a liar!

 

I didn't even know how I could have put up with one. Thank goodness I came to my senses!

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Yes, I agree now that I read your post. Thank you.

 

you're welcome. wasn't expecting thanks for that, but i'll take it.

[Pyro]

I stay away from the OW/OM forums because they just plain disappoint me. I know exactly what your thinking, I've asked these same questions. I'm so disappointed with all of the infidelity going on these days that I've readjusted my outlook on life, and view human socialism as being no different than the animal world. Many of my close friends say that I am heading down the road of bitterness, but I am not bitter I'm just realizing what kind of world we live in.

 

There are still good men and women out there, but it just seems there are fewer and they are far between. I guess we need to take more time and scrutinize the people we have interaction with. Also, maybe people rush into relationships too quickly without taking the time to really know who the person is we are falling in love with.

 

Cheers!

 

This kind of thinking isn't making you bitter. You are just careful.

 

People rush things and that is why some relationships turn into disasters.

[Phateless]

Get in line.

 

I have VIP privileges.

[Leia]

There were a few threads recently where I posted the same question. I basically said that I can't think of any rationalization stronge enough to justify it. You can't live your life afraid of getting hurt. I keep getting hurt by women over and over again but I keep trying. <shrug>

 

If you lived in Cali I'd ask you out on a date.

 

I will check out what on that threads.

 

Oh that is sweet of you but honestly speaking, any guy that does too much weight-training/lifting isn't exactly my type.

 

Get in line.

 

Oppath, are you trying to tell me something??

 

I have VIP privileges.

 

Says how?

[Leia]

I didn't even know how I could have put up with one. Thank goodness I came to my senses!

 

You went through an OW phase too? Not that it's a phase for me or not for you too, I hope but every other day or so, I see more and more peple getting involved with married people or well attached individuals having a fling/an affair with someone else.

[Leia]

 

 

Says how?

 

WHO

[Phateless]

I will check out what on that threads.

 

Oh that is sweet of you but honestly speaking, any guy that does too much weight-training/lifting isn't exactly my type.

 

 

 

Oppath, are you trying to tell me something??

 

 

 

Says how?

 

lol good cuz I only lift about twice a week. I mostly hike and or ride my mtn bike. take a look at my pic, the last thing i am is a meathead.

 

How? I just do! Maybe if you're lucky I'll reveal some of my secrets later on.

[Leia]

lol good cuz I only lift about twice a week. I mostly hike and or ride my mtn bike. take a look at my pic, the last thing i am is a meathead.

 

How? I just do! Maybe if you're lucky I'll reveal some of my secrets later on.

 

Don't get me wrong, you're cute but you look kinda big....

 

I meant "says who"!!

[Leia]

So here's another thing that is bothering my mind. Say you're seeing someone, is it ok for you to flirt with another person?

 

I got together with an old friend last night. We bumped into each other a couple of weeks ago, talked for a bit and exchanged our digits. Later that evening, he texted me and we were texting back and forth till he called me about 2 hours later (took him that long!).

 

So last night, we were talking about our mutual friends; who's dating who, who's doing what etc. I thought that was the perfect time to ask if he was seeing anyone. He fidgeted and answered yes. Fine by me as I wasn't interested in him in a romantic way.

 

Thing is, during the back and forth text messaging and also phone call, he flirted with me to no end!! Why did he do that? After we left last night (walked me to my car), we hugged but he held onto me and rubbed my back..... that made me feel uncomfortable even though I suppose friends are allowed to do that (I wouldn't if you're taken).

 

So what's the deal with some guys and girls that flirt to no end even when they are seeing someone? When is it ok to go overboard with the flirting and when do you tell someone to lay off?

[Phateless]

So here's another thing that is bothering my mind. Say you're seeing someone, is it ok for you to flirt with another person?

 

I got together with an old friend last night. We bumped into each other a couple of weeks ago, talked for a bit and exchanged our digits. Later that evening, he texted me and we were texting back and forth till he called me about 2 hours later (took him that long!).

 

So last night, we were talking about our mutual friends; who's dating who, who's doing what etc. I thought that was the perfect time to ask if he was seeing anyone. He fidgeted and answered yes. Fine by me as I wasn't interested in him in a romantic way.

 

Thing is, during the back and forth text messaging and also phone call, he flirted with me to no end!! Why did he do that? After we left last night (walked me to my car), we hugged but he held onto me and rubbed my back..... that made me feel uncomfortable even though I suppose friends are allowed to do that (I wouldn't if you're taken).

 

So what's the deal with some guys and girls that flirt to no end even when they are seeing someone? When is it ok to go overboard with the flirting and when do you tell someone to lay off?

 

He likes you. When things are ambiguous, trust your intuition above all else. If you felt uncomfortable without being sure why, it's because on some level you knew that he's not interested in staying platonic. Now, this does not mean that he will ever push the boundaries of what's appropriate, but he most definitely has a crush.

 

I am a flirt, but if I'm with someone I'm WITH them and no one else. Chemistry and attraction is ok, but I think that integrity lies in where you set your boundaries. It's always possible to have crushes on multiple people at the same time, don't you think?

 

I don't know if this guy is pursuing you, or if he just likes you and wasn't quite sure how to respond. Are you prettier than his gf?

 

As for who, you told me yourself! I read between the lines. Oh, and I'm 5'11, 160 lbs. It's not often that women tell me I'm too big (at least in that respect )