Why? I Want To Know Why??

[vivrantflo]

Try to recognize the cheaters. A person who is serious, reliable, has integrity and high moral values (don't mix this with religion), who is able to communicate and loves you with all his heart will not cheat on you. When you meet a guy who seems like you can't trust him - don't trust him.

 

 

That's kinda hard to support.. Yes, it's true.. women DO have a sixth sense about their men, and if they're faithful or not.. but I would assume that indentifying potential cheating men by going on character traits, would be challenging. If it was that cut and dry..TONS of women would not be hurt, cause you can pick the potential cheating men out. I'm sure if you ask female victims of cheaters.. 95% of them would have NEVER guessed that their man would betray them that way....Because they were reliable, serious, and appeared to have high moral values.. Scary, but true.

[RecordProducer]

That's kinda hard to support.. Yes, it's true.. women DO have a sixth sense about their men, and if they're faithful or not.. but I would assume that indentifying potential cheating men by going on character traits, would be challenging. If it was that cut and dry..TONS of women would not be hurt, cause you can pick the potential cheating men out. I'm sure if you ask female victims of cheaters.. 95% of them would have NEVER guessed that their man would betray them that way....Because they were reliable, serious, and appeared to have high moral values.. Scary, but true.

Right. But if they eliminate at least the notorious cheaters (like married men who cheat, players, flirts, the unreliable ones, those with history of cheating, etc.), they reduce the chances.

 

I seem to have a good nose for players; I can smell them from a mile away.

[Leia]

Don't lose your faith. Probably half of them cheat, but half don't. My first husband didn't cheat on me and same with my second. I know many people who have been completely honest with me and they've told me they've never cheated on their partners during many years of marriage.

 

Don't try to uderstand why they cheated. Try to recognize the cheaters. A person who is serious, reliable, has integrity and high moral values (don't mix this with religion), who is able to communicate and loves you with all his heart will not cheat on you. When you meet a guy who seems like you can't trust him - don't trust him.

 

I don't know, RecordProducer. Are you really one?? Anyway, I'm not losing faith... I have lost it... or maybe I just need to restore it?

 

You've been married twice? How did you do that? I really admire those who don't give up on marriages or trying again and again. I wish I had half the energy to make it work.

[Phateless]

I can't stand cute guys.... they're.. cute. I like guys that aren't afraid to express themselves - that's HAWT (one comes to mind here on Loveshack)!! Physically they have to be like Dougray Scott or Eric Dane but who am I kidding... that would be so hard to meet... in real life, I mean.

 

Interesting... I don't get how cute is a bad thing. Can't stand me eh? Also famous last words, lol!

[BeautifulMystique]

Most of these others here on LS... they have trained themselves to fail. Choose your path wisely, share the belief that it will work... and it will!

 

Do people really train themselves to fail? I can't say I know anyone that set themselves up for failure or am I misunderstanding this line?

 

As Leia puts is, she doesn't think divorcing a spouse (for whatever reason) is equivalent to being a failure and I'm with her on that.

 

I am not sure how old some of the posters around here are but judging from pics, I realized that most people around 20 - 30 are looking for a LTR but afraid of making a commitment for fear of getting hurt or their expectations not being met later on. I'm one of them and reading posts from those experienced individuals really have in more than one way made me re-evaluate what it is that I want from my partner but I still can't help thinking that no matter how hard you try, you will get hurt in the end. At the same time, I am also afraid that I might be the cause of the break up (if that should happen when and if I ever get into a relationship).

[Leia]

Interesting... I don't get how cute is a bad thing. Can't stand me eh? Also famous last words, lol!

 

Cute is not a bad thing, it's just not MY thing. Capiche?

 

I don't even know you... so I can't say I can't stand you

[Leia]

Why do you think I came to a decision that I don't want to get tied down any time soon?? It's because of what I read here!!! Ok, kidding.. but Loveshack has a bit to do with my take on relationships although it is more of what I went through. I have reached a point where I don't even want to get to know a guy... LOL.. but I am sure that will pass....

 

By the way, you're HAWT!!! Is that real tattoo??

[annieo]

I hope that no one, not even the most cynical person, starts out a serious relationship thinking, "well, when this craps out...". But let's face it - relationships are a bit of a risk. You are trusting someone else with ...yourself, your feelings. And no matter how gung-ho you are about making it work, the other person has to be gung-ho too. One person won't make it last.

And people CHANGE! My first marriage didn't work out because my ex-husband began treating me like a child/became overly-controlling once I quit working to stay at home with our kids (e.g., no access to money/accounts, had to ask for every dime and then explain where I spent it, and I'm taalking like $5 here, limits on how much toilet paper/bath water I used, I am not exaggerating and I could go on). I begged to go see a mc because I knew things weren't right and that I was running out of patience, but he refused on the grounds that it would cost too much money. He was also very insulting/demeaning to me verbally, a little at first and then more over time. I think he thought because of the kids/the fact that I wasn't working, that I wasn't going anywhere. This went on for a few years, and then I gave it up. But please note, he was a pleasant, kind, generous, complimentary man in the first years of our relationship. I thought I had chosen wisely.

Does this mean I have programmed myself for failure? Don't think so, as I'm married again, much more hopeful this time, although things aren't perfect. But I'm not giving up anytime soon. "Not perfect" isn't the same thing as "really bad". Thank god I'm old and wise enough now to know the difference!

And as my dear old ma says from time to time, "No guts, no glory." If you aren't willing to take a calculated risk, you won't experience any of the really great stuff that is also a part of marriage/ltr.

[Cobra_X30]

Do people really train themselves to fail? I can't say I know anyone that set themselves up for failure or am I misunderstanding this line?

 

As Leia puts is, she doesn't think divorcing a spouse (for whatever reason) is equivalent to being a failure and I'm with her on that.

 

I am not sure how old some of the posters around here are but judging from pics, I realized that most people around 20 - 30 are looking for a LTR but afraid of making a commitment for fear of getting hurt or their expectations not being met later on. I'm one of them and reading posts from those experienced individuals really have in more than one way made me re-evaluate what it is that I want from my partner but I still can't help thinking that no matter how hard you try, you will get hurt in the end. At the same time, I am also afraid that I might be the cause of the break up (if that should happen when and if I ever get into a relationship).

 

Well, like I said earlier... It all comes down to your attitude. Do you take responsibility for what you do within your relationships?

 

Consider this. When we are learning a sport, it is very important to practice using good technique, otherwise it may come back to bite us when it counts. I taught myself fairly early that if I found something I didnt like about my GF... I'd just dump her and find another one. I've recently thought... if all my relationships have ended this way, how can I expect a marriage to be different? Now, I dont know your personal history, but can you see where Im coming from on that?

 

Often dating is a great way to learn about yourself and what you need from a mate. Be careful of the habits and attitudes you acquire from this.

 

Ok, so you nailed my age demographic!

 

I think that in the course of events... we will feel hurt at times, lonely at times, afraid at times... the ones who come through happy in the end are the ones who cherish the good things and good times. You will never be happy holding onto pain and anger... and we dont always have to be right!

[oppath]

Do people really train themselves to fail? I can't say I know anyone that set themselves up for failure or am I misunderstanding this line?

A lot of people do not learn from their patterns or they are unwilling to compromise but mostly, what I read is that some people are incapable of saying "I am sorry." "Why should I? I did nothing wrong!" Ah, but the other person thinks you did, so why not apologize to disarm him, to show that you validate his feelings, and then, once he is validated, discuss the situatioin and explain your side? "That's ridiculous. I'm not going to say I'm sorry." I see that so much on LS.

 

BeautifulMystique: nice avatar. Awesome tat and you have a pretty face.

 

Leia...I know what you mean. I don't really want to get to know a woman right now. I kind of want to be friends first. I just feel that I won't devote much time to anyone right now. I am a bit jaded. But it's also the season . I love fall but hate winter.

 

Sometimes it's good to take a sabbatical from dating and relationships if you do it for you, to grow as a person. There are good guys out there who are loyal and devoted and faithful. Sometimes it is a matter of timing for both of you. Define for yourself "what is a healthy relationship" and choose people who treat you that way.

[Phateless]

"No guts, no glory." If you aren't willing to take a calculated risk, you won't experience any of the really great stuff that is also a part of marriage/ltr.

 

I completely agree with this. I'm out there meeting people left and right, and most of it goes nowhere, but you can't be afraid to try. Funny thing is, I'm all courageous at night, but come the next day I would rathe take it slow and be friends first too. Maybe I should start telling girls that?

 

Leia - don't worry I'm not offended. So what's the difference in a guy between hawt and cute to you?

[Rooster_DAR]

Leia - don't worry I'm not offended. So what's the difference in a guy between hawt and cute to you?

 

A guy that's hawt to her will sport an avatar like this.....LOL

[oppath]

 

A guy that's hawt to her will sport an avatar like this.....LOL

 

There's only one Wentwoppath on this forum

 

(Edit: haha, this is in the jealousy subforum)

[Leia]

Leia...I know what you mean. I don't really want to get to know a woman right now. I kind of want to be friends first. I just feel that I won't devote much time to anyone right now. I am a bit jaded. But it's also the season . I love fall but hate winter.

 

Sometimes it's good to take a sabbatical from dating and relationships if you do it for you, to grow as a person. There are good guys out there who are loyal and devoted and faithful. Sometimes it is a matter of timing for both of you. Define for yourself "what is a healthy relationship" and choose people who treat you that way.

 

True! I am taking a sabbatical from dating guys... think I'll give girls a try.

 

I know there are good guys out there, I can see a few here on Loveshack so don't think that I give up on guys entirely because I am not!!! I don't mind so much being single... I don't see that as being pathetic (some of my not so close friends seem to think so but what do I care!) and I for sure am not lonely. I have great people to keep me company and I'm good by myself too. I am capable of being a good companion but I also need the other person to be capable of that, meaning he has to know what he wants in a relationship and life.

 

I completely agree with this. I'm out there meeting people left and right, and most of it goes nowhere, but you can't be afraid to try. Funny thing is, I'm all courageous at night, but come the next day I would rathe take it slow and be friends first too. Maybe I should start telling girls that?

 

Leia - don't worry I'm not offended. So what's the difference in a guy between hawt and cute to you?

 

It'd be a good idea for you to tell that to the ladies. Be a man!!! Some girls tend to take signals the wrong way or read too much into things... you gotta be straight forward with some. I know I would like the guy to tell me exactly what he wants rather than string me along or act like nothing happened the night before... you know.

 

You know Eric Dane? Have you seen him on TV doing interviews? Now that awesome man is HAAWWTTT!!! Cute is... that guy from OC. He's cute, smart and all but just not for me.

 

A guy that's hawt to her will sport an avatar like this.....LOL

 

You got that right, Rooster_DAR!!!

 

There's only one Wentwoppath on this forum

 

(Edit: haha, this is in the jealousy subforum)

 

Oh no.... Wentwoppath is jealous... come on now, you know you're hot.. with all your insights and how you can flirt with 4 girls at once!

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I'm sure if you ask female victims of cheaters.. 95% of them would have NEVER guessed that their man would betray them that way....Because they were reliable, serious, and appeared to have high moral values.. Scary, but true.

 

i agree with this almost 100%. how many times, even just here on this board, do we see people saying "i never in a million years would think he/she would do this to me, this is the last thing i expected and i am blindsided!" and yet, it was done. intuition only goes so far, it isn't the great predictor by any means.

[oppath]

Oh no.... Wentwoppath is jealous... come on now, you know you're hot.. with all your insights and how you can flirt with 4 girls at once!

 

I have a difficult enough time in my life handling one woman, but for you ladies of LS, and you in particular, Leia, I'll make an exception.

 

Give girls a shot....seriously, make some NEW girlfriends. When I've had my best luck with the ladies it has been when I've been making a lot of guy friends.

[BeautifulMystique]

Well, like I said earlier... It all comes down to your attitude. Do you take responsibility for what you do within your relationships?

 

Consider this. When we are learning a sport, it is very important to practice using good technique, otherwise it may come back to bite us when it counts. I taught myself fairly early that if I found something I didnt like about my GF... I'd just dump her and find another one. I've recently thought... if all my relationships have ended this way, how can I expect a marriage to be different? Now, I dont know your personal history, but can you see where Im coming from on that?

 

Often dating is a great way to learn about yourself and what you need from a mate. Be careful of the habits and attitudes you acquire from this.

 

Ok, so you nailed my age demographic!

 

I think that in the course of events... we will feel hurt at times, lonely at times, afraid at times... the ones who come through happy in the end are the ones who cherish the good things and good times. You will never be happy holding onto pain and anger... and we dont always have to be right!

 

I do take responsibility of my own actions be in relationship or in other matters. Yes, I do know where you're coming from now that you have explained it! Thank you.

 

I don't have any bad experience, just one but I don't let that get to me or stop me from enjoying my next relationship. It's what's happening around me that is making me think twice about relationships. I know no one will be happy holding onto pain or anger, you're so right about that and I'm glad I had some really good times with my exes. I don't want to come out as whiny but relationship is something I take my time to get into so that I don't end up hating the dating scene like some I have read around here.

[BeautifulMystique]

Why do you think I came to a decision that I don't want to get tied down any time soon?? It's because of what I read here!!! Ok, kidding.. but Loveshack has a bit to do with my take on relationships although it is more of what I went through. I have reached a point where I don't even want to get to know a guy... LOL.. but I am sure that will pass....

 

By the way, you're HAWT!!! Is that real tattoo??

 

It will pass. The reason why I don't feel the need to settle down so soon is because I am still young, so many other things to look forward to such as my career and I love being single and having the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. It doesn't get any better!

 

Thank you. It's body paint! My friends and I were having fun with it.

[BeautifulMystique]

A lot of people do not learn from their patterns or they are unwilling to compromise but mostly, what I read is that some people are incapable of saying "I am sorry." "Why should I? I did nothing wrong!" Ah, but the other person thinks you did, so why not apologize to disarm him, to show that you validate his feelings, and then, once he is validated, discuss the situatioin and explain your side? "That's ridiculous. I'm not going to say I'm sorry." I see that so much on LS.

 

BeautifulMystique: nice avatar. Awesome tat and you have a pretty face.

 

A lot of people also take advantage of those who are apologetic, most of the time don't you think so? If I know I am making a mistake then I will say I am sorry, I don't have a problem admitting to a mistake but definitely not to something I didn't do but I understand what you're saying. I am open to discussion on any matter with my partner... I guess that is why I had pretty good relationships in the past. It's hard to get what I had nowadays but that doesn't mean I am giving up on finding THE one!

 

Thank you for your compliments. It's not a real tat, btw.

[Cobra_X30]

I do take responsibility of my own actions be in relationship or in other matters. Yes, I do know where you're coming from now that you have explained it! Thank you.

 

I don't have any bad experience, just one but I don't let that get to me or stop me from enjoying my next relationship. It's what's happening around me that is making me think twice about relationships. I know no one will be happy holding onto pain or anger, you're so right about that and I'm glad I had some really good times with my exes. I don't want to come out as whiny but relationship is something I take my time to get into so that I don't end up hating the dating scene like some I have read around here.

 

LOL... I really can't claim any really bad experiences either. Then again... like I said, I tend to dump girls right about the 6 month mark...

 

As we date... I think we pick up baggage, and learn things about people that simply dont apply to the next person. So yes... take your time!

 

I dated a girl for a couple years... and we literally broke up because I had to change career paths. So, now I rarely like to talk about my future or work with GF's until much later in the relationship. I know that not every girl is all about money and status, but that still doesnt stop me from bieng suspicous. I am not interested in bieng valued based on what I make.

 

I think this is exacerbated by seeing what goes on around me. I'm not worried short term. While many of us are in our 20's... I've noticed that most of the true relationship disaster stories here are from poeple in thier late 30's early 40's. I survived my parents divorce... and I refuse to put any kids I may have through that!

[Leia]

It will pass. The reason why I don't feel the need to settle down so soon is because I am still young, so many other things to look forward to such as my career and I love being single and having the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. It doesn't get any better!

 

Thank you. It's body paint! My friends and I were having fun with it.

 

That's really beautiful and whoever did that on your back must have been really good at drawing! How old are you, if that ok of me to ask! Early 20s? Mid? You look like you're about my age...

 

I hear you about having more things to look forward to than relationships! I haven't been in a relationship for some time now and I just thought it would be nice to start again but after getting to know more well... not losers really but losers none-the-less, I give up!

 

Ok, I agree that you can do whatever you want now that you're single but why should you stop doing the things you like when you're with someone? I read that a lot on here that once you're in a relationship, you just stop being yourself... or rather stop the things you like and spend every single free time with your SO. I think that isn't how a relationship should be, no?

 

Of course these questions open to everyone that reads my thread.

[BeautifulMystique]

LOL... I really can't claim any really bad experiences either. Then again... like I said, I tend to dump girls right about the 6 month mark...

 

As we date... I think we pick up baggage, and learn things about people that simply dont apply to the next person. So yes... take your time!

 

I dated a girl for a couple years... and we literally broke up because I had to change career paths. So, now I rarely like to talk about my future or work with GF's until much later in the relationship. I know that not every girl is all about money and status, but that still doesnt stop me from bieng suspicous. I am not interested in bieng valued based on what I make.

 

I think this is exacerbated by seeing what goes on around me. I'm not worried short term. While many of us are in our 20's... I've noticed that most of the true relationship disaster stories here are from poeple in thier late 30's early 40's. I survived my parents divorce... and I refuse to put any kids I may have through that!

 

I agree on all things mentioned above! I have been guilty of leaving someone because he was only with me because of my career. He was actually nice and very attentive but it made me wonder after the break up that he was probably that way because of what he knew he could get from me.

 

I don't tell any guy in particular what I do now, not until I am comfortable with him. That could take almost a few months. I am very careful now as I do not want to be acquainted with someone who only wants use me for his own benefits.

 

Yes, not all women are after money and status! Those who are, usually don't make a lot on their own and need financial support from men. There are also some men out there looking for women with status and money - to help them out

 

I wouldn't want to put my children through divorce either but I think when divorce is the last resort then, I have no choice but I will make it less painful as possible.

 

I guess we're on the same page on that so when are we getting married? That was a joke, okay? Don't want to scare you off!

[BeautifulMystique]

That's really beautiful and whoever did that on your back must have been really good at drawing! How old are you, if that ok of me to ask! Early 20s? Mid? You look like you're about my age...

 

I hear you about having more things to look forward to than relationships! I haven't been in a relationship for some time now and I just thought it would be nice to start again but after getting to know more well... not losers really but losers none-the-less, I give up!

 

Ok, I agree that you can do whatever you want now that you're single but why should you stop doing the things you like when you're with someone? I read that a lot on here that once you're in a relationship, you just stop being yourself... or rather stop the things you like and spend every single free time with your SO. I think that isn't how a relationship should be, no?

 

Of course these questions open to everyone that reads my thread.

 

Thank you! It was painted by an artist for a show we did last fall. I am in my mid-twenties.

 

No one should stop whatever they love doing when they are in a relationship. I would love for my partner to take interest in what I love doing and myself taking interest in his. If there is something of his interest that I don't like about then of course, I would not do it but will definitely give it a try first. I'm very much an out-door type of person so I don't have any problem having the same interest with other guys.. so far.

 

No, that isn't how a relationship should be but who are we kidding? There are couples out there who one of them has stopped doing the activities he/she likes because he/she wants to spend more time with the partner or simply because the partner doesn't like what he/she takes interest in. People do that just to please their partner - they are willing to do that. I wouldn't... not for anyone unless it is life threatening and I don't expect a guy to drop everything he's doing just to be with me. I want a man that has his own life as much as I have my own.

[Phateless]

Thank you! It was painted by an artist for a show we did last fall. I am in my mid-twenties.

 

No one should stop whatever they love doing when they are in a relationship. I would love for my partner to take interest in what I love doing and myself taking interest in his. If there is something of his interest that I don't like about then of course, I would not do it but will definitely give it a try first. I'm very much an out-door type of person so I don't have any problem having the same interest with other guys.. so far.

 

No, that isn't how a relationship should be but who are we kidding? There are couples out there who one of them has stopped doing the activities he/she likes because he/she wants to spend more time with the partner or simply because the partner doesn't like what he/she takes interest in. People do that just to please their partner - they are willing to do that. I wouldn't... not for anyone unless it is life threatening and I don't expect a guy to drop everything he's doing just to be with me. I want a man that has his own life as much as I have my own.

 

I think we all tend to lose ourselves to some degree when we find a relationship, especially our first serious one. I know I did when I was with my ex, and that was my biggest mistake. Now I find myself a little scared to give anything up to hang out with someone. A lot of my friends still drop off the face of the planet as soon as they find someone and I'm hoping that won't be me next time.

[Cobra_X30]

I agree on all things mentioned above! I have been guilty of leaving someone because he was only with me because of my career. He was actually nice and very attentive but it made me wonder after the break up that he was probably that way because of what he knew he could get from me.

 

I don't tell any guy in particular what I do now, not until I am comfortable with him. That could take almost a few months. I am very careful now as I do not want to be acquainted with someone who only wants use me for his own benefits.

 

Yes, not all women are after money and status! Those who are, usually don't make a lot on their own and need financial support from men. There are also some men out there looking for women with status and money - to help them out

 

I wouldn't want to put my children through divorce either but I think when divorce is the last resort then, I have no choice but I will make it less painful as possible.

 

I guess we're on the same page on that so when are we getting married? That was a joke, okay? Don't want to scare you off!

 

Maybe I will throw up a photo... then you wouldnt be joking anymore. Unless you have a muscle aversion like Leia.

 

That cracks me up! I have a friend from college that married a surgeon. We make fun of him all the time because he is a stay at home husband. Actually more like a trophy husband, since she is a few years older and he is celebrity style attractive.

 

Seriously though... how do you tell the women/men that are really interested in status and money from the ones that would love you if you had nothing?

 

It's hard because I feel like I can weed out the "gold digger" types, but there are such varying degrees. You know what I mean?