Love_Lifee Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 About two months ago i had an argument with my boyfriend and he totally ignored me and i picked up the phone and called an ex boyfriend..the next day i hung out with m ex bf. i knew my bf did not like that but i still hurt him anyways, it was stupid, my bf thinks i went there to cheat on him, but i didn`t and he won`t believe me and like last night, he went out and had intentions on cheating me. he says he doesn`t care. i do not blame hhim for wanting to get "even" but i never would cheat on him, and he would look like a fool if he cheated on me. cheating is a terrible thing. i regret te day i ghung out with an ex bf. it was a waste of time, i have disrespected my bf a few times and he is just fed up with it..i keep telling him i am going to change and i do not want to hurt him, bu he doesn`t believe me nor does he trust me. i do not know why he still puts up with the bull**** i have caused in our relationship. i love him and hope one day everything would get better and we could move on with our lifes,bu as of right now i do not think any of this wil get better any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leia Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 Love_Lifee... it was stupid of you to do that! Don't you think you have jeopardized your relationship just by hanging out with your ex? I think that was pretty immature of you to do that, just because you had an argument with your partner, does not mean you can do whatever you want. Yeah you would never cheat on him but I don't blame him for thinking that you would or already did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leia Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 Maybe I will throw up a photo... then you wouldnt be joking anymore. Unless you have a muscle aversion like Leia. That cracks me up! I have a friend from college that married a surgeon. We make fun of him all the time because he is a stay at home husband. Actually more like a trophy husband, since she is a few years older and he is celebrity style attractive. Seriously though... how do you tell the women/men that are really interested in status and money from the ones that would love you if you had nothing? It's hard because I feel like I can weed out the "gold digger" types, but there are such varying degrees. You know what I mean? I do not have a muscle aversion... I just don't like those body builders type! It's too big and they always have a funny voice!!!! I don't think I really care if the man I love don't have alot money because I am well off but I wouldn't settle for someone who isn't ambitious. If a guy is ambitious then when there is money, he can always come up with something good to start a business. Link to post Share on other sites
Love_Lifee Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Leia.. i know tell me about it. it was really stupid and it did mess up our realtionship, but he trusts me when i am only with him, and i do not blame him, but it sucks. i just hope everything can be perfect, it will take some time but i am willing to do whatever to provve to him it will never happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Leia.. i know tell me about it. it was really stupid and it did mess up our realtionship, but he trusts me when i am only with him, and i do not blame him, but it sucks. i just hope everything can be perfect, it will take some time but i am willing to do whatever to provve to him it will never happen again. I can tell you're sincere, Love_Lifee, and hopefully your guy will be able to tell too. I would plead your case and then give him a bit of space, but spend your efforts on showing him rather than convincing him. Start by deleting your ex from your phone, myspace, IM, eveything, and tell your guy about it. I think everyone deserves a second chance... but not more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 I think everyone deserves a second chance... but not more than that. I agree.. however, I Wish my ex believed that.. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Maybe I will throw up a photo... then you wouldnt be joking anymore. Unless you have a muscle aversion like Leia. That cracks me up! I have a friend from college that married a surgeon. We make fun of him all the time because he is a stay at home husband. Actually more like a trophy husband, since she is a few years older and he is celebrity style attractive. Seriously though... how do you tell the women/men that are really interested in status and money from the ones that would love you if you had nothing? It's hard because I feel like I can weed out the "gold digger" types, but there are such varying degrees. You know what I mean? Maybe you should throw in a pic of you! I heard that you're a nice guy... and that your advice are always useful. I can't tell you how to sort out among all those that are out for you because of your money/status... but sometimes those people, you can tell from a mile away... Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Leia.. i know tell me about it. it was really stupid and it did mess up our realtionship, but he trusts me when i am only with him, and i do not blame him, but it sucks. i just hope everything can be perfect, it will take some time but i am willing to do whatever to provve to him it will never happen again. That wasn't stupid of you. You just needed someone to talk to... it could have been anyone else but you were more comfortable with your ex-boyfriend. Just don't do it again because some ex-es are just bad news and not many boyfriends/girlfriends can take it when someone is still friends with their ex-es. If you both spend more time talking about things, I'm sure things will be better. It's best to sit down and talk about what you both want from each other. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Maybe you should throw in a pic of you! I heard that you're a nice guy... and that your advice are always useful. I can't tell you how to sort out among all those that are out for you because of your money/status... but sometimes those people, you can tell from a mile away... LOL... I think it's best that we all remain anonymous. Nice guy? Sometimes I am... sometimes I'm not. It depends on who you talk to! Yeah... thats too bad. I was really hoping that you had some insight into this. Straight gold diggers are easy to spot. However, its the varying degrees of that which catch me up. I want somebody that would be happy living with me in a cardboard box. I suppose that may not exist. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 LOL... I think it's best that we all remain anonymous. Nice guy? Sometimes I am... sometimes I'm not. It depends on who you talk to! Yeah... thats too bad. I was really hoping that you had some insight into this. Straight gold diggers are easy to spot. However, its the varying degrees of that which catch me up. I want somebody that would be happy living with me in a cardboard box. I suppose that may not exist. My cousin speaks highly of you . Not telling who he/she is but if you feel like guessing... you're welcome to. I don't think any woman would want to live in a cardboard box! Do you really want to? I would be just as happy to live in a small one room apartment if he treats me well. Believe it or not, women have a way of manipulating men especially when it comes to money. Not speaking from experience here, okay but from what I have observed. Two of my friends are very good at it, can't tell that they are actually after your money! I can't bring myself to do that. It's just not in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 My cousin speaks highly of you . Not telling who he/she is but if you feel like guessing... you're welcome to. I don't think any woman would want to live in a cardboard box! Do you really want to? I would be just as happy to live in a small one room apartment if he treats me well. Believe it or not, women have a way of manipulating men especially when it comes to money. Not speaking from experience here, okay but from what I have observed. Two of my friends are very good at it, can't tell that they are actually after your money! I can't bring myself to do that. It's just not in me. Cousin? Well I dont really want to live in a cardboard box either. However, I want someone who can take life in stride. In order to make money and be successful... you have to take risks, and sometimes you have to struggle. Yes! Women can be like that... even though I dont think they mean to be. I'm just going to have to be happy with weeding out the extremes, cause otherwise... I'll never know. Anyway, just something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Cobra send her your pic already! Not to put anyone on the spot-but just reading this I think ya'll would get along. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Cobra send her your pic already! Not to put anyone on the spot-but just reading this I think ya'll would get along. Nice try! I'm not that easy!! LOL. Why dont you get your PM turned on and I will send you one, friend. Go.... You got some posting to do! Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Cousin? Well I dont really want to live in a cardboard box either. However, I want someone who can take life in stride. In order to make money and be successful... you have to take risks, and sometimes you have to struggle. Yes! Women can be like that... even though I dont think they mean to be. I'm just going to have to be happy with weeding out the extremes, cause otherwise... I'll never know. Anyway, just something to think about. Yes, cousin.. you know the one you're related to through your parents and uncles/aunts It's something for you to think about, for sure! It's hard to meet a rich guy that has a great personality. Most of my guy friends are nice but there is an air about some of them. Some of them actually look down on others who are less fortunate and think it's okay to have a few girls on the side. That's the problem with men that have money. They think it's okay to do certain things and not get caught. Do you think a person's background has anything to do with him being a cheater? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Yes, cousin.. you know the one you're related to through your parents and uncles/aunts It's something for you to think about, for sure! It's hard to meet a rich guy that has a great personality. Most of my guy friends are nice but there is an air about some of them. Some of them actually look down on others who are less fortunate and think it's okay to have a few girls on the side. That's the problem with men that have money. They think it's okay to do certain things and not get caught. Do you think a person's background has anything to do with him being a cheater? Ah that kind of cousin! I was thinking you meant the other kind. LOL... My good friend Austin is a perfect example of what your describing. His parents have a ton of money. He has cheated on every GF he has ever had... and he has never tried to hide it. Plus he gets really upset if his GF even flirts with another guy. I suppose it would be different if he was ugly or something... but he always has women that want him... and will put up with that. The thought is usually "I will be the one who changes him". So far... that's never been the case. So yes, Personal Background is key! Guys who have fathers that are habitual cheaters tend to follow suit.... ect. Culture plays a big role too. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I could not answer that question BM asked about background similarities as clues, but after reading your answer, you're right! The cheaters I have observed also had a cheating father. That's the only pattern I have seen. Also-I have seen a lot less cheating amongst younger couples, and more when people are married and feeling like they are reaching that age where they fear they are not so sexually attractive anymore, or being scared they have only one more chance at love as the days are coming to an end, marriage be damned. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 The cheaters I have observed also had a cheating father. That's the only pattern I have seen. Also-I have seen a lot less cheating amongst younger couples, and more when people are married and feeling like they are reaching that age where they fear they are not so sexually attractive anymore, or being scared they have only one more chance at love as the days are coming to an end, marriage be damned. That's just one example. Past abuse is also a strong indicator. Here is my rule of thumb. Anything that causes large self-esteem issues, combined with a lack of empathy for others will generate a person who has a high probability to cheat. I think that following this trac, people who hit that middle age mark, take a huge hit to thier self value due to aging, stress, and a realization of impending mortality. Combine that with the fact that due to familiarity and pent up resentment leads to a drastic decrease in empathy for your SO. In the past these were often counterbalanced with the societal consequences of adultery. However, today's western culture has removed many of the consequences, and in fact encourages adultery in many popular media channels. Therefore people are asked to have much stronger internal restraint, which of course the majority of us lack. Link to post Share on other sites
Love_Lifee Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I can tell you're sincere, Love_Lifee, and hopefully your guy will be able to tell too. I would plead your case and then give him a bit of space, but spend your efforts on showing him rather than convincing him. Start by deleting your ex from your phone, myspace, IM, eveything, and tell your guy about it. I think everyone deserves a second chance... but not more than that. thank you phateless..we had a few ups and downs in our relationship, we ran into this guy i kissed once and nothing else happened between that guy and me, and my boyfriend asked if anything ever did, i didn`t want to lie, so i said yes and it was just this one time and it never happened again, besides it happened in like 2004? he got upset at me. he seriously did not want anything to do with me. he gets upset when i tell him the truth. one day we were at tropical smootie and this one girl he used his fingers with came around and she said hi to him and i didn`t get so upset that i hated him for it.i asked him if he knew her and he told me they had hooked up, and i did get a little upset but i was over it really fast. so it is not just me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Love_Lifee Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 That wasn't stupid of you. You just needed someone to talk to... it could have been anyone else but you were more comfortable with your ex-boyfriend. Just don't do it again because some ex-es are just bad news and not many boyfriends/girlfriends can take it when someone is still friends with their ex-es. If you both spend more time talking about things, I'm sure things will be better. It's best to sit down and talk about what you both want from each other. Good luck! he doesn`t believe that i just needed to talk to someone..i do not mention that day at all, but he seems to not have forgotten it. i just hope everything will be fine. my mother doesn`t like him anymore and there is now a big family fued, ever since that day. he put his hands on me when i told him where i was instead of being at school. and wen i got home he had texted my mother and told her where i was and told her things that she didn`t need to know, so i raised up my shirt and told her that he punched me, and it showed so now she hates him, but i am stil with him. i love him and i want to give him another chance and i believe he won`t do it again and hopefully i am right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leia Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 he doesn`t believe that i just needed to talk to someone..i do not mention that day at all, but he seems to not have forgotten it. i just hope everything will be fine. my mother doesn`t like him anymore and there is now a big family fued, ever since that day. he put his hands on me when i told him where i was instead of being at school. and wen i got home he had texted my mother and told her where i was and told her things that she didn`t need to know, so i raised up my shirt and told her that he punched me, and it showed so now she hates him, but i am stil with him. i love him and i want to give him another chance and i believe he won`t do it again and hopefully i am right. I don't get this. He hit you and you're still with him or am I missing something here? I don't think sticking by a guy who hits you is a good idea. He's bound to do it again.... and again! Link to post Share on other sites
Love_Lifee Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 I don't get this. He hit you and you're still with him or am I missing something here? I don't think sticking by a guy who hits you is a good idea. He's bound to do it again.... and again! MAYBE HE WON`T? I DO NOT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN, BUT EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE...RIGHT? Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Well, I do agree with the "everyone deserves a second chance" thing. But in the case of physical abuse, he needs counselling, or therapy of some sort.. so he can overcome those issues with professional help. Once he has exhibited the responsibilty of getting himself in order, and seeking/accepting help, maybe a second chance can be in the cards.. however.. all this has this has to take place after you decide to give him space, and he initiates the process of getting himself together. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Love_Lifee Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Well, I do agree with the "everyone deserves a second chance" thing. But in the case of physical abuse, he needs counselling, or therapy of some sort.. so he can overcome those issues with professional help. Once he has exhibited the responsibilty of getting himself in order, and seeking/accepting help, maybe a second chance can be in the cards.. however.. all this has this has to take place after you decide to give him space, and he initiates the process of getting himself together. Good luck! yea i agree but i believe in him.. thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leia Posted December 15, 2007 Author Share Posted December 15, 2007 MAYBE HE WON`T? I DO NOT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN, BUT EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE...RIGHT? No need to scream if I hit a nerve there! Yes, everyone deserves a second chance but not someone who is a coward and hits a woman... sorry, I don't deal with cowards. yea i agree but i believe in him.. thank you Good luck on that... I'm sorry but you're delusional. Link to post Share on other sites
Love_Lifee Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 No need to scream if I hit a nerve there! Yes, everyone deserves a second chance but not someone who is a coward and hits a woman... sorry, I don't deal with cowards. Good luck on that... I'm sorry but you're delusional. you think so? what do you think i should do? Link to post Share on other sites
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