Thought2012 Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 Ok im letting it all come out clearly so the women here can tell me whats going on I have known this girl for almost 5 years,we knew eachother about 2 years hung out,always had a flirty thing going on...and then all of a sudden she moved...so we kept touch by email Until one day we traded cell phone numbers and start talking on the phone....and we figured out that we started falling in love... We kept touch BY PHONE for 2 years! And i ended up taking a trip to her state...as soon as i got off the plane it was instant chemistry...we held hands and such...ended up making love a couple days later...but we spent like 8 days and when i left we both cried...but i promised her i would return soon I came back and we were closer then ever...because i spent time with her for that week i might have become a bit too attatched...and her mom had a talk with her and convinced her to take a break with me... So she called me and instead of a break said we shouldnt talk anymore because she felt i was acting obsessive...so she said things around the line of "have a good life i wish u the best" and i was so upset... She texted me a day later (which to me says she obviously not completely over it) and says we can talk but I NEED to let her call me...and i said hey thats great she took me back in her life atleast...so everything was cool i have no problem giving her space,my only problem was the whole "have a good life" thing like dude we have been friends for so long i still wanna be friends with you...but i still have feelings for her So we have been speaking every so often...we had 1 hour conversations on the phone a couple times...started getting a little closer and boom... Last night we ended up having phone sex...she was drunk,i was buzzed,we were both alone in our bed...so it natrually happened...(we have done this before) so we hang up and im stoked because im like hey atleast she still finds me desirable I made a mistake...by texting her today basically saying whats up hows it going and she calls me later saying "you still call or text me everyday and i feel bad for what we did last night...we shouldnt have done that...im over you...but then i think about stuff so...but yea we should only be talking like 2 or 3 times a week" I wish she would stop denying the fact that she still might think about me...i want her to be happy and i want her to go out with friends and meet guys/girls BUT i was her friend first so i feel like we should be able to be comfortable as friends...but its tough...i really need to lay low and any time she starts calling me or texting me i have to appreciate her attention and not mistake an inch for a yard... So alas,the last thing we said before we hung up earlier was: She said - "alright well have a nice night ill talk to you later" I said - "alright you too just hit me up whenever you want" And we said goodbye and hung up I went out to a hangout tonight which was chill...but as soon as i got outta the party i started thinking about things...so now here i am...wondering when ill hear from her...upset,because now i dont have the freedom of talking to her whenever i want.... So women...what is she saying? Its obviously not "im done with you" and its obviously not "i want you back" so...should i really work on giving her space and just continue to let our friendship grow? Cuz thats what i do and it always ends up becomming sexual and then she regrets it and feels bad...so i dont know what the hell to do now... She too important to me to just let go...i just cant seem to be reading her actions correct...ladies please help? Link to post Share on other sites
Elyssa Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 Well, I was on a long-distance relationship for several years until I married him and I can remember exactly the kind of thing my mother told me during those years. Unless I'm sorely mistaken, the mother is probably telling her things like she's too young to attach herself to a guy and much less one that doesn't even live in the area, that long-distance relationships never work and it's best to let go now, and if she knows you two made love, she probably even told her that you just used her for sex and that's why the girl now is all freaked out when things get sexual. The only advice I can give you at this point is to let her go and do whatever she wants. She's obviously all over you but the talk with her mother is heavy on her conscience, so she's scared of letting the relationship go any further and every time she strays from the "boundaries", she feels bad afterwards. Take a break and let her do as she wants and see what happens. She has to come to terms with her desires without you prodding her in that direction so you need to give her some time to do so. Meanwhile, make yourself scarce. Don't sit by the phone waiting for her to call. Go out, have fun with other people. When you talk to her, tell her about what you've been doing. She will eventually understand that you're not going to be waiting around forever and she needs to make a decision. If she still says she wants to be just friends a few weeks from now, then you'll have to accept it and move on. How old is she? From what you tell us, she doesn't sound nearly mature enough to stand up to her mother for your relationship so I suspect she's always going to be listening to her negative feedback about your relationship. LDRs are hard enough when both people are mature and 100% committed to each other. You can't make it work by yourself. -E Link to post Share on other sites
WakeUpPeople Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 I agree with Elyssa, love distances are hard, very hard and it requires both parties to be 100 percent in it...I would know from my experience i was with a girl for 7yrs and she moved and it became long distance for almost 2 years before she finally crack and felt lonely all the time, no friends and some old ass dude came and eat her mind up...long distances are already bad but when the couples are young its 95% it is going to fail. Vanish from the face of the earth and move on its hard...u cant re enter that long distance no, there will be no trust, always question things...just disappear and move on wit your life..its hard but its reality..that bond will never be the same again....me and elyssa can give u advice but ur the only one to open ur eyes Link to post Share on other sites
shpantz Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 It sounds like she is attracted to you, but not in love. The physical stuff makes it hard to let someone go. So...Either her mom is putting ideas in her head, and she's torn between wanting you, and wanting to listen to her mom, OR shes "just not that into you". This is the exact reason I will not have sex till im married, it attaches you to people that dont LOVE you, they "LUST" you. lol. Move on and find someone new. Someone who invests time in your relationship. Long distance is NOT bad. (I am in one right now, and we have talked about getting engaged this christmas!!!) SO it DOES work, but as mentioned above, both people have to be in it 100%, or its just too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
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