lostboy60645 Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 I feel like my life is a bit complicated now, so I doubt it's the time to be considering dating. You can read about my life via my blog, listed in profile. In a nutshell, I realized have suffered from sex addiction since my teens--if you don't know what that is, take the quiz on www.sa.org. Anyways, two marriages were destroyed by my compulsive masturbation, surfing for porn on the net, and in the last marriage, by my infidelity with prostitutes. Although I was never caught, I finally couldn't hand the guilt anymore and I vomited the truth into my 2nd ex wife's lap about a year and a half ago. We immediately separated and she finalized the divorce about two months ago. Since my disclosure, I've actually truly remained sober from sex of any kind--even masturbation--and I've been in heavy duty therapy with two groups, an individual therapist, and I've been attended SA meetings on a regular basis. Currently I'm visiting my parents in southern Cal while my father fights for his life in ICU on full life support. Sounds like a good time to start dating, right? I didn't think so, but in all seriousness, I'm lonely. And there's one more confounding factor. Just to make it more up to G-d, I guess. I'm an observant Jew. It makes things complicated since on one hand, I'd like to date another observant Jew who can identify with my lifestyle choices. I also want my twins, at age three, to see their dad stay committed to the faith. No, I didn't use the Judaism to hide my addiction. The truth is, I was born Jewish and ten years ago, I met a rabbi who I really connected with and I felt the Judaism would be a "legitimate" way for me to become sober from my sex addiction. The only thing that's kept me sober from the sex addiction is SA and my sense of my Higher Power. So I think the short answer to the long-winded question is that I need to continue my therapy and to seek a 'match' via my rabbi. It's just that I get so lonely, particularly during this difficult time in my family. Kudos to those of you who can identify. I hope those who are automatically turned off by the 'cheater' choose to get schooled up on sex addiction. It's a lot more widespread than most people think, and it's a lot more complicated than it appears at face value. You may want to read Out of the Shadows by Dr. Patrick Carnes or In the Shadows of the Net by the same author for more information about it. Your comments, regardless of the opinion, are of interest to me... Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 The test sucks since there's no scoring option (or that that I saw). compulsive masturbation Nothing wrong with that. surfing for porn on the net Nothing wrong with that. and in the last marriage, by my infidelity with prostitutes. That's your only problem. Okay, let's look at something I call the common denominator theory... Your marriages were destroyed by your enjoyment of masturbation, your enjoyment of pr0n, and hookers. Now, what's the common denominator in all of this? MARRIAGE. I have to ask, why did you get married? And TWICE yet? You obviously enjoy sex too much to be committed to one woman for the rest of your life, but why the hell are you doing it? Here's a news flash: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET MARRIED to have sex with multiple women. In fact, there is NOTHING wrong with having sex with multiple women. Take a look at the animal kingdom. How many female cats will get laid by the same male cat? LOTS. Do you see any cats getting married in your back alley? NO. Your desires are completely natural. The only people who think having sex with multiple women is wrong are 95% of society which is controlled by the media. "Having sex with multiple partners is wrong because it's just not morally right, everybody knows that." This is what you'll hear out of the newspapers, the radio, the TV, and everywhere else. Why are you letting yourself be dictated to by society? As long as you're not breaking any laws, you're free to bang all the women you want. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 As long as you're not breaking any laws, you're free to bang all the women you want. Yeah, but he's lonely. Banging women doesn't bring him a close emotional connection, which is what I read that he's longing for. Lost, I'm thinking while your dad is in the hospital, and you're still working on your issues, that no, dating probably isn't the best thing. Don't you have friends? My friends and family keep from feeling alone and lonely when I'm not dating anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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