i really can't see the light

[sad2day]

hello

 

i know this is a bit long but i really need some help. i don't know what to do and it is making me crazy... again. please i could use honest help. i just don't feel my friends and family get it because they have been so removed from a situation like a breakup. thank you in advance if you take the time to read this and lend me some advice.

 

well i have posted a few times about my current situation. i am devistated again. about 4 months ago i broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months. we had a lond distant relationship and it was amazing, at first. i have never believed in love at first sight. but the night i met him that is what went down. i remember sitting with him and thinking that i met my husband. well as the relationship went i started to freak out. which is something i have done before. i pulled away from the relationship and really hurt him. he was devastated. he approached me about the relationship and i did end it. i cried thru the whole thing. he asked that we not be friends but we still communicated often. there were a couple of times we almost got back together but i was still scared. during the first two months of the break up i started to really re-examine my life. i took more time to get to know myself and prioritize things. i realized over this time that i was in love with him more then i had ever loved anyone in my life. my heart was open in ways i didn not even know it could. i did approach him and learned he had been out on two dates with someone else.

 

i made efforts for us to get back together. it has been two months since i told him how i felt. he did initially think he would be able to go down this road again but then said he just couldn't. he is very emotional and was hurt bad. i did try to respect the fact that he did not want to communicate with me but because all our communication was over the phone and via email i had a lot of trouble. i have never felt as low as i have over the last two months. everything hurts everywhere always. i cry and can sit and look at the wall all night. in the recent weeks we communicated via email but it was small talk. i loved it just to be communicating again. i think he started to feel me pull away. i wasn't needing to respond to his emails the same day and i think he saw that.

 

in the last few weeks i have re-connected with an old friend who is going thru a divorce. it has been nice companionship. my friend is very aware of everything. he is a great distraction. i smile and laugh when i am with him. i haven't stopped loving my ex but i was starting to feel human again. well after a great weekend with my friend i got on email from my ex. he stated he didn't know why he was emailing me because he said he wouldn't but that he was thinking of me and wondered how i was. i responded and we went back in forth for a few days. he pulled out every memory we had from our first weekend away. it was hell for me. i finally responded by telling him that i had a lot i wanted to say to him but that he had made himself clear that he had moved on. i also told him i couldn't relive memories when we are not building a future together and i asked him if he was reconsidering his decision.

 

his response has killed me. he stated that he was sorry to go down memory lane with me. his decision wasn't cut and dry and far from easy but it is what he thinks is best. he said he thinks of me and my family often but that he can not revisit the pain because he has come so far in recovery. he said reviewing memories like that (since it was the best weekend of his life-- his words not mine) is causing us both problems with moving on.

 

i just don't know what to do now. i feel he still loves me but is just too terrified to try again. i know i hurt him but i have been taking a lot of steps to work on my issues. i have engaged in therapy. i think it is helping. i don't know if i have expressed how intense our feelings were for each other before i got scared. they were amazing and i can't (and dont want to) believe it is over. any suggestions on ways to try to engage him again. should i not? oh i am also very very angery at him. i have never been angry at him in over a year and i am pissed. he should have never teased me the way he did. at times i feel i should call him and let him know how angery i am that he did that and is not willing to try to fight for us again. love sometimes hurts? we are not the first couple to break up? please help. i am spinning my wheels and digging myself back into the same hole i was in....... i would appreciate help especially if there is a way to save the relationship. i know that is probably unlikely but anything would be nice. i need help from others who know what this pain feels like. sorry so long.

[Sw3etdev1L]

k so ...1) you were scared because the relationship was going so well, and so you broke up....that's weird. it is good for you to be overcoming your issues.

2) It was a long distance relationship and your ex is trying to forget about you...Why don't you just let him be??? I mean, if it is a long distance relationship, without touching yourselves without looking at each others eyes in a regular basis...isn't that more of an ideal relationship because you feel lonely without him?? and you are trying to fill up that void again.

3) why don't you prioritize first, love yourself, work, distract yourself and put love aside....love is not the first thing in life....first you have to be a hundred percent knowledgeable of yourself to love someone if not...the most obvious thing is that you will hurt him again and if you do say you " love " him, you wouldn't want to do that right???

 

think before you act...love doesn't have to hurt. Who told you that??

love sometimes hurts, when you get angry and solve a problem or whatever...but it doesn't make you depressed the way it is making you, it doesn't have to make you sick and go to a therapy. That is just a sick relationship you got to get out of. LOVE DOESN?T HAVE TO HURT. that's ridiculous..The best relatinoships I've seen are the ones in which love makes you happy and fullfilled..not what you are talking about..besides, it's been four months.

 

maybe you are just sad about something else in your life and that is why you are trying to fill your void with relationship experience and having broke up makes you feel empty and just attentive in your personal life which you are not very fond off. because it sounds like it.

 

I don't know if I am right or if I am not...but my best advice would be to find yourself first, let him go...let time pass and when you prioritize, you feel sure of yourself, you have cleared up feelings, get into other REAL relationships, I mean not long ones through e mail and telephone...but real ones, lets see how you feel...and then contact him because " he is emotional " and it is not fair for him.

 

He's like at your expense...your psychological and needy emotional things, it's not fair for the guy. I mean, he's sane, you are trying to be sane..when you are both in the same level look after him..

if you guys love each other, time won't mean a thing, but if it is something idealistic...then just why not forget about it right now...I mean, there's greater things in life than becoming depressed over a relationship...so many things to be and to do and to go.

[sad2day]

thanks for your feedback. i am wondering why he keeps sending me messages now. he emailed me and then put all our memories down. he then said oh nevermind. i didn't respond. he sent me an email today saying he wanted to talk now. he called me before i was home and left me a message that he just hopes i feel better soon. i don't know what to do. i can't take it any more. what does he want from me?