Starting a family with the mm

[twistedapart1]

For the past year, I have have this desperate urge to have children. Ok, I probably had thoughts of having children even when I was in high school. I was always very maternal and took care of my neices for several years starting from my late teens.

Now I don't necessarily want to destroy my body, unless he offered to pay for some reconstructive surgery. Right now at my new job, I cannot afford it, unless I take out a loan on my home, which I really rather not do.

Plus, I am worried about him being overwhelmed with his responsibilities with his other four children. He keeps acting like he wants to impregnate me!!!! The past weekend, I noticed in his suitcase that he had an engagement ring- one that was unbelievable sparkly and beautiful. I'm wondering what that was about, but since he had to rush home due to his child being ill, maybe he never got the chance to propose. Is it illegal to propose to another woman while you are still married. LOL Probably not.. but I need some extra committment before I put myself into any compromising positions such as getting pregnant.. plus surgery appointments already lined up after the pregnancy.

I'm guessing we'd have my entire place to ourselves- he would move in and his wife would be left to take care of his four children on her own. Although I wouldn't mind two of them staying with us. I had such a blast with his kids- even during their wild and defiant moments. He and his kids would be the perfect family for me.

I have a very beautiful home that I purchased six years ago all paid off and really no worries financially.

I hate to say this as it sounds corny, but he swept me off my feet and is so charming and sexual (important since I have a very high sex drive). Just about everything I've ever looked for in a man.

[NoIDidn't]

Too funny, still.

 

First in another thread you berate his W for wanting him to pay for plastic surgery after she "ruined" her body having his kids. And now you are saying you want the same thing if you agreed to have a child with him.

 

And its unbelievably selfish to think that the man should abandon his kids for his W to "take care of them on her own".

 

Again, I ask: are YOU for real?

[twistedapart1]

Too funny, still.

 

First in another thread you berate his W for wanting him to pay for plastic surgery after she "ruined" her body having his kids. And now you are saying you want the same thing if you agreed to have a child with him.

 

And its unbelievably selfish to think that the man should abandon his kids for his W to "take care of them on her own".

 

Again, I ask: are YOU for real?

 

I didn't "berate" her for "wanting" surgery. I simply stated that he cannot pay for such becuase she completely disrespected his boss in very vindictive ways that got him fired and he can no longer AFFORD that extra money needed.

I have money saved up on my own, but I'd want him to pitch in if he does indeed actually want a child with me.

Women take care of their children all the time. In fact, women fight for custody when divorce ensues. And honestly, I'd rather adopt them because she is a very hateful and harmful person that should not be around children. But likely that will not happen. I would enjoy babysitting when needed as well.

[NoIDidn't]

I didn't "berate" her for "wanting" surgery. I simply stated that he cannot pay for such becuase she completely disrespected his boss in very vindictive ways that got him fired and he can no longer AFFORD that extra money needed.

I have money saved up on my own, but I'd want him to pitch in if he does indeed actually want a child with me.

Women take care of their children all the time. In fact, women fight for custody when divorce ensues. And honestly, I'd rather adopt them because she is a very hateful and harmful person that should not be around children. But likely that will not happen. I would enjoy babysitting when needed as well.

 

What I am pointing out, is that you aren't making any sense. You are contradicting yourself.

 

Even now, you state that she should "take care of the kids on her own", but in another thread you claim that she abuses the kids.

 

Really, which is it? And why do you only want two of the four? That's not a very mature view. The four kids are one unit. If you want him, you need to want all four of his kids too.

 

And, again, why is it okay for you to want surgery regardless of whatever you think of her and her reasons? It is the pot calling the kettle black. Do you see that?

 

The more "evidence" you post, the more I still see a bunch of typical MM spew to get you to take his side and hate his W. Sorry.

[twistedapart1]

You really like twisting my words, don't you?

I never said "SHOULD", I said would. Chances are that abuse might not be substantiated (whether accurate or NOT), or did you not even ponder that conclusion.

 

And again, you are misunderstanding my posts. Wow.. jumping to poor conclusions.

I clearly stated that she ruined his previous job meaning he CANNOT afford surgery for her at this time. Get it now?

Good grief.

 

And yes, if it turns out that FOUR children are too much for her to handle at this point, I'd be happy to oblige. But it seems more suitable to adjust to a couple at a time rather than being completely overwhelmed and unable to deal with the situation- which is very shortsighted in my opinion what you just suggested.

Anyways.. I'm happy right now.. all that counts.

 

 

Bottom line though - I am willing to work it out to the best of my ability in some way or form.

[NoIDidn't]

I am far from twisting your words. They are your words in all of their contradictory glory.

 

What you seem to fail to understand is that you can't "get used to them a little at a time". Children are not like diets. You can't adjust them to meet your needs. It simply would cause more problems to only invite a few of them over at a time.

 

What you said was "the wife would be left to take care of the children on her own". How is that any different from my summation of your thinking that she should take care of them on her own? You seem to think that she is already doing that so that you can have your A with him, that she SHOULD continue doing it to benefit the two of you having your own little private love nest all to yourselves. The "I'm guessing we'd have my entire place to ourselves" gives that very impression.

 

Why exactly would you want to start a family with a MM? Do you think that if you have him, his W and other kids will only appear when it is convenient for you?

 

No one is twisting your words. Just pointing out the inconsistencies whether or not you agree.

[twistedapart1]

"What you seem to fail to understand is that you can't "get used to them a little at a time". Children are not like diets. You can't adjust them to meet your needs. It simply would cause more problems to only invite a few of them over at a time."

 

Completely disagree! What do you think happens when a child wants to visit his grandparents and another wants to stay home with mommy? You are completely out of line with that view. Yes, if a person is not used to taking care of four children, you really think it's reasonable or even LOGICAL to throw all of them in her hands in one day? Do you even care about the emotional or mental imbalance that could throw on a person or are you just not thinking at all?? Wow.. you really love making these idiotic statements due to the bitterness you still hold in your own life.

Anyways.. women fight for custody of their children. Of course she will be left to take care of them, unless she compromises and my mm is awarding joint custody.

Congrats on your PG by the way, but I'm amazed that you want to have more children with a cheating man (who claims not to have had sex with the OW-lOL).

[NoIDidn't]

Twisted there is a HUGE WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between a child that WANTS to stay home with mommy vs. the child that can't come with daddy because his GF is trying to "transition" them. Please stop with this rationalization, because that is all it is.

 

And thanks for thinking enough of me to look at my posting history. I feel really important. Too bad, I am not with a cheating man. But you are. And you are right, I would not want to have a child with a cheating man. But you do.

 

Please leave words like "idiotic" and "bitter" out of your posts with me. Neither is anywhere near the truth. But I guess you haven't read enough of my posting history yet to know that. Its a lot of reading, but you seem to be willing to make the time. LOL.

 

The question for you is, are YOU thinking about the emotional and mental imbalance you would be throwing into these KIDS' lives? Your post indicates you are only thinking of what's best for YOU, and not for anyone else. Separating those kids for your own benefit will hurt them, not help them. Which is the only point I am trying to make.

 

And yes, I do think that it is completely logical to do that to a woman that knew of the kids' existence considering she claims to be a family friend. What family friend would demand a transition time if she already KNEW said children?

 

It makes no sense. But you don't see it. I digress. Good night.

[LucreziaBorgia]

he can no longer AFFORD that extra money needed.

 

If you end up with this man, you will spend the rest of your days supporting him so that he can pay child support for four children plus alimony to his wife. If you think he can't afford things now, just wait until he moves in with you and G_d forbid gets you pregnant. Then he will have your household, his wife's household, your child and his other four children as financial burdens.

 

You think his wife is "mean" and "nasty" now? Just wait til you see her divorce lawyers in action. Let's hope you aren't in an AOA/CC state, because she could come after you too.

 

Get used to scraping by with you footing most of the bill, because that is the best you can hope for with this guy.

[curiousnycgirl]

Twisted -

 

I am stunned at your posts and responses here. Firstly I have never met a woman with a strong maternal feelings who's primary concern was plastic surgery after pregnancy. What an astoundingly superficial thing to be thinking of! There are women all over the world who have children and have not had plastic surgery and many of them have gotten their bodies back into shape through proper diet and exercise. Regardless you appear to be thinking more of your body than of your potential child. That does not sound like strong maternal feelings to me.

 

Secondly your thoughts of taking on only two of his four children is heinous! How can you even think it appropriate to split up four siblings?! This is not at all about you, it is about the children - and they should always come first. Do you really think you are ready for a lifetime committment to anyone, let alone a man who already had children?

 

Finally spewing insults to people who respond to you is immature and childish. Your position is self centered and completely unrealistic - yet you don't want to hear that, so why bother posting at all?

[justice]

"What you seem to fail to understand is that you can't "get used to them a little at a time". Children are not like diets. You can't adjust them to meet your needs. It simply would cause more problems to only invite a few of them over at a time."

 

Completely disagree! What do you think happens when a child wants to visit his grandparents and another wants to stay home with mommy? You are completely out of line with that view. Yes, if a person is not used to taking care of four children, you really think it's reasonable or even LOGICAL to throw all of them in her hands in one day? Do you even care about the emotional or mental imbalance that could throw on a person or are you just not thinking at all?? Wow.. you really love making these idiotic statements due to the bitterness you still hold in your own life.

Anyways.. women fight for custody of their children. Of course she will be left to take care of them, unless she compromises and my mm is awarding joint custody.

Congrats on your PG by the way, but I'm amazed that you want to have more children with a cheating man (who claims not to have had sex with the OW-lOL).

 

 

You are living in a fairytale world of your own making.

When and IF the divorce becomes final, the judge will not order visitation with one or two children at a time, it will be all or nothing.

And I seriously doubt that the wife will want to work things according to your needs, after what you did with her husband, you'll be lucky if she doesn't take you for everything you have.

 

You need to grow up and try to become a responsible adult, those are his children and their needs should come before yours or his, or his wife's.

You seem to have a very unrealistic view of how things will be should you and he ever get together. Does he read here? Maybe you should show him your postings on the issue of his children.

I really do pity you because if you do marry him, it isn't going to be like you are planning and I truly hope the ex wife takes you both for everything she can get, because your posting comes off sounding selfish and immature.

[nellstar]

Twistedapart1, you should really think this through. You're not only hurting his wife and kids, you're also hurting yourself! Do you really want that? It's hard enough that you're with a MM, you're not getting anything - not fully!

 

It's woman like you that gives OW a bad, nasty name. No wonder no one can take us seriously!

[Impudent Oyster]

LOL! This gets more and more entertaining!

 

Twisted...Just one question, what are you planning on getting the plastic surgery FOR? Do you have some kind of bizarre genetic condition that will cause a pregnancy to deform you in some way?

 

I can't wait to hear this. It's almost as funny as thinking some guy with 4 kids wants to have a baby with the OW before he's divorced (which, btw, isn't happening).

[luvmy2ns]

Anyways.. I'm happy right now.. all that counts.

 

Here we go again. Nothing counts but me, me, me.

[stillafool]

On another thread you were worried that his W was trying to get pregnant again, adding more responsibility to the MM. Now you want to get pregnant. Isn't that adding more responsibility to him. Also in the other thread you didn't want kids now you do.

 

If he didn't give you that ring it was probably for his wife or another OW. This guy is scum!

 

Go ahead and get pregnant but don't be surprised if he still chooses to stay with his W and kids. The other poster was correct about him not having any money if he leaves his wife. Raising 4 kids is expensive. They still have college for 4 ahead of them. Why don't you do the right thing and leave this family alone. You said you can get anyone you want and this is the best you can do?

[whichwayisup]

From your other thread...But if his wife IS actually hurting and abusing their 4 kids, they'll be moving in with you. You're going to have a rough time looking after a newborn (that is if you do get pregnant) and his 4 kids....Tell me how happy you'll be then.

[twistedapart1]

Twisted there is a HUGE WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between a child that WANTS to stay home with mommy vs. the child that can't come with daddy because his GF is trying to "transition" them. Please stop with this rationalization, because that is all it is.

 

And thanks for thinking enough of me to look at my posting history. I feel really important. Too bad, I am not with a cheating man. But you are. And you are right, I would not want to have a child with a cheating man. But you do.

 

Please leave words like "idiotic" and "bitter" out of your posts with me. Neither is anywhere near the truth. But I guess you haven't read enough of my posting history yet to know that. Its a lot of reading, but you seem to be willing to make the time. LOL.

 

The question for you is, are YOU thinking about the emotional and mental imbalance you would be throwing into these KIDS' lives? Your post indicates you are only thinking of what's best for YOU, and not for anyone else. Separating those kids for your own benefit will hurt them, not help them. Which is the only point I am trying to make.

 

And yes, I do think that it is completely logical to do that to a woman that knew of the kids' existence considering she claims to be a family friend. What family friend would demand a transition time if she already KNEW said children?

 

It makes no sense. But you don't see it. I digress. Good night.

 

Separating kids from an abusing mother really is not good for the kids... yeah. Alright. Whatever you say.

[twistedapart1]

My grandparents had all four of us at a time a lot of the time. And my mom now sometimes have as many a 6 of her nine grandkids at a time. They are a unit. You are talking about mental imbalance that having 4 children at once can cause someone, I think that only happens if the emotional imbalance already exists. NO one is making idiotic statements in response to the seemingly confusing post you are making. They are pointing out the facts, of which you seem to have not thought completely through.

 

 

Because your grandmother became aclimated with the responsibilities. You really think it's wise to toss four kids onto someone who's not used to even dealing with one for many years?

[twistedapart1]

You are living in a fairytale world of your own making.

When and IF the divorce becomes final, the judge will not order visitation with one or two children at a time, it will be all or nothing.

And I seriously doubt that the wife will want to work things according to your needs, after what you did with her husband, you'll be lucky if she doesn't take you for everything you have.

 

You need to grow up and try to become a responsible adult, those are his children and their needs should come before yours or his, or his wife's.

You seem to have a very unrealistic view of how things will be should you and he ever get together. Does he read here? Maybe you should show him your postings on the issue of his children.

I really do pity you because if you do marry him, it isn't going to be like you are planning and I truly hope the ex wife takes you both for everything she can get, because your posting comes off sounding selfish and immature.

 

A short visitation at the beggining would be not difficult to cope with.

[OWoman]

Separating kids from an abusing mother really is not good for the kids... yeah. Alright. Whatever you say.

 

I'm confused here. I thought NID was meaning separating the kids from their siblings, the way you spoke of taking two of them and not all four, rather than separating them from their mother.

 

[curiousnycgirl]

Separating kids from an abusing mother really is not good for the kids... yeah. Alright. Whatever you say.

 

Wow you really are only reading what you want to in these posts. That is not at all what the other poster meant, what she meant was that it is not good for the kids to separate them from eachother. Everyone is 100% in agreement that taking children away from an abusive parent is a critical and necessary thing to do.

 

What no one is agreeing with is that this can be done at your convenience. You want to acclimate to having children while continuously sending them back to an abusive environment - that is absurd. You also mention wanting to take only 2 of the 4 children. Again how do you determine who should stay and who should go?

 

Why on earth would their father support that? How can you profess to have maternal instincts and want to do that?

 

How often do you read in the papers that social services was about to step in but oops too late, the child was killed by an abusive parent? So if indeed the mother of these children is abusive - then no one in their right mind would say wait, let's see if the adult who claims to want to take them can handle it. The right thing to do would be to remove these children from the home immediately. ALL of them.

 

Clearly you are not reading a single post here correctly - which is funny because we are all saying the same thing, so it is not because our posts are unclear. That begs the question of why did you post to begin with? Did you want input? I don't think so as you are insulting to everyone who has contributed and basically say we are all stupid.

 

Frankly you need to take off your rose colored glasses when it comes to this guy and the life you think you will have with him, because it's not even close to reality.

[twistedapart1]

Uh, the moderator deleted my posts pertaining to the issues address.

If you didn't read them in time, then I guess tough luck for you.

 

For BOTH mental well-beings protected of the children and myself, yes I think it is best to adjust to visitation for short durations or I'll watch a few at a time first and see how I can handle it. If you are only concerned about your hatred and vengeance against the OW, and not the children, then pity you. You cannot help my situation anyways with hate clouding your views.

 

I cannot be the all powerful person to make sure these children are taken away from the mother. My guess is that the hubby might side with her just so he doesn't have to deal with it all. Plus the chance exists that the children might be taken from BOTH of them if he allowed this to go on for a period of time with his knowledge. So my guess is that they'll cover their a@#es as much as they can.

[OWoman]

If you are only concerned about your hatred and vengeance against the OW, and not the children, then pity you.

 

I have no "hatred and vengeance against the OW". I'm an OW myself. But like other posters I do have a problem understanding what it is you want, or feel, or mean, since you appear to contradict yourself constantly. It may be a language issue - some of your phrasing suggests that English is not your home language - but it would help if you spelled out more clearly what it is you're wanting - from your situation, and from others here on LS.

[Gwyneth]

Be careful what you wish for.....

 

And really, really, REALLY make sure you want to be a possible single mother.

 

One of the reasons I have refrained from intercourse with MM is because I'm terrified of getting pregnant. Yesterday I asked him what he would do if we ended up pregnant. He said "RUN," LOL. Then he said, "well I wouldn't ask you to have an abortion...but I'd be in BIG trouble with wifey."

 

Still not having sex with him any time soon, because I have this feeling I'll end up pregnant, and as much as I want children, I do Not want to have one under these circumstances. So, no sex for me!

[BestAdvisor1]

Be careful what you wish for.....

 

And really, really, REALLY make sure you want to be a possible single mother.

 

One of the reasons I have refrained from intercourse with MM is because I'm terrified of getting pregnant. Yesterday I asked him what he would do if we ended up pregnant. He said "RUN," LOL. Then he said, "well I wouldn't ask you to have an abortion...but I'd be in BIG trouble with wifey."

 

Still not having sex with him any time soon, because I have this feeling I'll end up pregnant, and as much as I want children, I do Not want to have one under these circumstances. So, no sex for me!

 

So, what have you been doing with your MM?