Author twistedapart1 Posted December 3, 2007 Author Share Posted December 3, 2007 Be careful what you wish for..... And really, really, REALLY make sure you want to be a possible single mother. One of the reasons I have refrained from intercourse with MM is because I'm terrified of getting pregnant. Yesterday I asked him what he would do if we ended up pregnant. He said "RUN," LOL. Then he said, "well I wouldn't ask you to have an abortion...but I'd be in BIG trouble with wifey." Still not having sex with him any time soon, because I have this feeling I'll end up pregnant, and as much as I want children, I do Not want to have one under these circumstances. So, no sex for me! If you're gut is telling you this, I think that is a wise choice. Why do men always have to run from their problems? Notice this? Anyways, when in a dire situation, who knows really what his reaction would be. But good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Good for you Gwen. It wouldn't help your emotions much either. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 So, what have you been doing with your MM? Things. Geez. Nosey. We do a lot of hugging and cuddling and kissing, holding hands, talking about life. I don't rush into sex--not any more at least. I had an abortion, as I have previous said a few weeks back, so really, I lost a huge desire for sex. I have that drive, but it's not all there anymore. twistedapart1, please ignore some of these people. They are only going to upset you and I have been and still am in your shoes as far as the way I'm treated around here. Use the "ignore" option--life's a lot less complicated without the extra judging around here And yes, from past experience, men do run from their problems. I don't see MM doing that though, although anything is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 You don't come across so selfishly, Gwyneth. Link to post Share on other sites
BestAdvisor1 Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 We do a lot of hugging and cuddling and kissing, holding hands, talking about life. I don't rush into sex--not any more at least. I had an abortion, as I have previous said a few weeks back, so really, I lost a huge desire for sex. I have that drive, but it's not all there anymore. Are you actually proud doing all those things with a married man and probably oral sex? Why not find a single guy? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Be careful what you wish for..... And really, really, REALLY make sure you want to be a possible single mother. How true. I think it would be wise if you considered waiting to start a family until the MM has shown that he can do two things.... 1. Show commitment to his children of his current family. Since according to you, he has implied that his current wife abuses his children, he needs to step up and parent his children. While I question whether his wife IS abusing his children, this doesn't matter as much as his current reaction to this alleged abuse...no action. If you want this man to father your children, then don't you think you would like to see that he can BE a good father to your children? 2. Show commitment to YOU by leaving his current wife and hand you a copy of his signed divorce papers. Then you can get on with the idea of a family. The way it currently stands is that you will be a single mother and your child will have no father at home with him. Yes, many women do this, but very, very few actually go into a pregnancy knowing that this will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 You don't come across so selfishly, Gwyneth. I can be selfish--but who isn't? BestAdvisor1 Are you actually proud doing all those things with a married man and probably oral sex? Proud? Well, I'm proud to know him and have him in my life, as I have said before. I never thought about me being proud of doing these things with him. I don't give a flying duck about his wife. My pride has nothing to do with her. Why not find a single guy? I'm not looking--nor was I looking when he came into my life. I have no tiem for a bf in my life right now, but when the time comes, I will be very happy to take on a single guy. I don't go Looking for a bf--I let it just happen. Link to post Share on other sites
BestAdvisor1 Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 I don't rush into sex--not any more at least. Gwyneth, oral sex is sex. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 I can be selfish--but who isn't? BestAdvisor1 Are you actually proud doing all those things with a married man and probably oral sex? Proud? Well, I'm proud to know him and have him in my life, as I have said before. I never thought about me being proud of doing these things with him. I don't give a flying duck about his wife. My pride has nothing to do with her. Why not find a single guy? I'm not looking--nor was I looking when he came into my life. I have no tiem for a bf in my life right now, but when the time comes, I will be very happy to take on a single guy. I don't go Looking for a bf--I let it just happen. We can all be selfish, but some folks raise it to an art form! Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Gwyneth, oral sex is sex. Right. Did I say we have had oral? Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Right. Did I say we have had oral? In a separate thread, you said you "take his winky wink out and play with it." What was that about? Are you playing Tiddly Winks? I thought that went out with Atari. Link to post Share on other sites
writeon Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 twistedapart1, please ignore some of these people. They are only going to upset you and I have been and still am in your shoes as far as the way I'm treated around here. Use the "ignore" option--life's a lot less complicated without the extra judging around here . Gwenyth -- whom should she ignore? Am I missing something? Because all I've read is people either trying to help her or being frustrated with her contradictory stories, or giving their own opinions. Aren't we all entitled to our own opinions? Why do you ignore people, and advise others to do the same, on a public forum where you come and post? What is the point of that? Some of you are so confusing to me. I don't mean to be rude but I think that if someone has to ignore what other people say (esp. if they came to a forum to post & get others' input), they may be being purposefully blind and not willing to look at all possible angles. They may be only listening to what they want to hear, and if that's the case, why be here in the first place? If someone is being rude or crass, then yes, ignore them, but I haven't seen them on here so could you explain to me why we should ignore some people? Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 In a separate thread, you said you "take his winky wink out and play with it." What was that about? Are you playing Tiddly Winks? I thought that went out with Atari. LOL Yes, I have seen it and touched it, but it has Never been anywhere near my mouth. Yuck. I said He takes his winky wink out--I don't take it out for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Gwenyth -- whom should she ignore? Am I missing something? Because all I've read is people either trying to help her or being frustrated with her contradictory stories, or giving their own opinions. Aren't we all entitled to our own opinions? Why do you ignore people, and advise others to do the same, on a public forum where you come and post? What is the point of that? Some of you are so confusing to me. I don't mean to be rude but I think that if someone has to ignore what other people say (esp. if they came to a forum to post & get others' input), they may be being purposefully blind and not willing to look at all possible angles. They may be only listening to what they want to hear, and if that's the case, why be here in the first place? If someone is being rude or crass, then yes, ignore them, but I haven't seen them on here so could you explain to me why we should ignore some people? I was told to ignore those who upset me instead of going back and forth with them. It's pointless and will only give one an infraction. So I now ignore insulting posts and continue on with those who want to behave. Link to post Share on other sites
writeon Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 I was told to ignore those who upset me instead of going back and forth with them. It's pointless and will only give one an infraction. So I now ignore insulting posts and continue on with those who want to behave. I think we can have a meaningful conversation, debate, discussion without misbehaving. Actually I haven't seen anyone on this thread misbehaving (if by that you mean being rude) except the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 I'm just saying, if she feels she is being attacked, then she should just not respond. No need to debate about this--I was just giving her advice. I'm not demanding she ignore anyone--just giving her advice from someone one who's in her shoes Link to post Share on other sites
writeon Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 I'm just saying, if she feels she is being attacked, then she should just not respond. No need to debate about this--I was just giving her advice. I'm not demanding she ignore anyone--just giving her advice from someone one who's in her shoes OK I kind of understand. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 For the past year, I have have this desperate urge to have children. Ok, I probably had thoughts of having children even when I was in high school. I was always very maternal and took care of my neices for several years starting from my late teens. Now I don't necessarily want to destroy my body, unless he offered to pay for some reconstructive surgery. Right now at my new job, I cannot afford it, unless I take out a loan on my home, which I really rather not do. Plus, I am worried about him being overwhelmed with his responsibilities with his other four children. He keeps acting like he wants to impregnate me!!!! The past weekend, I noticed in his suitcase that he had an engagement ring- one that was unbelievable sparkly and beautiful. I'm wondering what that was about, but since he had to rush home due to his child being ill, maybe he never got the chance to propose. Is it illegal to propose to another woman while you are still married. LOL Probably not.. but I need some extra committment before I put myself into any compromising positions such as getting pregnant.. plus surgery appointments already lined up after the pregnancy. I'm guessing we'd have my entire place to ourselves- he would move in and his wife would be left to take care of his four children on her own. Although I wouldn't mind two of them staying with us. I had such a blast with his kids- even during their wild and defiant moments. He and his kids would be the perfect family for me. I have a very beautiful home that I purchased six years ago all paid off and really no worries financially. I hate to say this as it sounds corny, but he swept me off my feet and is so charming and sexual (important since I have a very high sex drive). Just about everything I've ever looked for in a man. Seeing as he's never even mentioned leaving his wife or getting a divorce, you are way out on a limb in fantasy land if you are expecting he will do so and marry you if you get pregnant. Don't let your delusional fantasies take over - there is no happy ending here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Another thing that threw me for a loop is the title of the thread. The whole thing is a complete oxymoron! How in the world can one "start a family" with a married man who already is in one of his own making? Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Another thing that threw me for a loop is the title of the thread. The whole thing is a complete oxymoron! How in the world can one "start a family" with a married man who already is in one of his own making? If she were to get pregnant, she is then in a family with the MM automatically. writeonQuote: Originally Posted by Gwyneth I'm just saying, if she feels she is being attacked, then she should just not respond. No need to debate about this--I was just giving her advice. I'm not demanding she ignore anyone--just giving her advice from someone one who's in her shoes OK I kind of understand. Good!!! I wasn't personally trying to attack anyone, I'm just trying to help her and others out. Infractions are not cool! Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 Twisted - I am not sure what part of any of my posts has caused you to think I have anything against the OW's out there - because I can tell you with all sincerity I don't have anything against OW's, I was one for 8 years. With a man who's wife refused to even sleep in the same room as him, let alone touch him. As the OW I became a very close friend of his son's, who has upon occasion lived with me as he felt he needed to (he saw me as a close family friend) - so I really think I know a bit about what I am talking about. What I NEVER did was expect my MM to leave his wife for me. Had he done so I would have left him on the spot, that is not what I was looking for at the time. I am neither proud nor ashamed of what I did - but it certainly puts me in no position to throw stones at the OW on this board. I am also the product of a divorced family - and my father completely rejected me and left me with a very abusive mother. So bottom line is I know what I am talking about. 20 years later when my father wanted to talk to me I refused (more because he did the same thing with two other children after me - so no lesson learned). Having read this whole post, parts more than once, I however realize that you have no concern over the relationship your MM has with his children. Perhaps he doesn't care either - in which case you two are perfect for eachother, but please think twice before bringing another child into this mess! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 The comment about him being "in a family" with her if she gets pregnant by him made me think of my wife's favorite saying. "Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy!". They're not a "family" if he schtups her and she has a child. They're a family if they jointly raise the child together. That very well may not happen. He's hardly even a 'daddy' to his own kids from the sounds of it. How good of one will he be for a child outside of his marriage? Odds are high that if she got pregnant, he'll fight tooth and nail to end the affair and to deny the child is his. And even with proof, the its pretty likely that he'll only provide financial support as mandated by a court. On top of that, she might want to figure out if she can handle the four existing kids before she considers adding any more to the equation. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 If she were to get pregnant, she is then in a family with the MM automatically. She may wind up a single mom with the MM's illegitimate child, but in a family WITH the MM? Doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 She needs to go into this pregnancy with the knowledge that he may run away and that her child may never know his or her father. That can happen in any situation, though. She might be dating a man, like I was, and end up pregnant and he may run for his life and leave her, like I was left, to deal with it on her own. That is why I told her to REALLY think about her decisions before she acts on it. If she really wants a child and can support this child on her own, then more power to her. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a single mom in today's society. My mom did it--many do these days. Many women go to banks to conceive. At least she knows the man she wants to father her child. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 At least she knows the man she wants to father her child. Nope...she knows that he has sexual fantasies about impregnating her. BIG BIG difference. Link to post Share on other sites
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