serena Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 I really need advice. I have been married for 6 years and we have no children. We both have been very unhappy yet my husband refuses to go to counseling. I keep thinking about my exboyfriend and I know that I am still in love with him-I rushed into this marriage because I know my husband is a nice guy and trustworthy, but I am not really in love with him. The last thing I want to do is to leave a marriage because of the "dream" of someday getting back together with my ex, because I know that that is a memory-yet, I am not really attracted to my husband and we barely get along. He is not affectionate or romantic to me AT ALL. In fact, I am very miserable where I have been living, as I have no family or friends who live near me. We separated twice last year, but both times I returned because I think that I was afraid to try and make it on my own. I do want to have children one day and I am getting older. I really don't know what to do. I have been going to counseling myself but it is not really helping-and I really need advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 31, 2003 Share Posted May 31, 2003 1. "...I know my husband is a nice guy and trustworthy, but I am not really in love with him." So exactly what is the point of totally screwing up the rest of your only life on this planet with somebody you don't love??? 2. "The last thing I want to do is to leave a marriage because of the "dream" of someday getting back together with my ex, because I know that that is a memory-yet, I am not really attracted to my husband and we barely get along." The last thing in the world you should want to do is stay in a marriage with a man you don't love, you aren't attracted to and with whom you don't get along with. This is about the craziest thing I have ever heard of in my life. Forget about the ex. You need to get your life together. If counselling isn't working, get out of this marriage. Free yourself up. Then look for somebody who is available with whom you have things in common...somebody you are attracted to...and somebody who would make a good father for your future children. What are you waiting for? This is absolutely ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
rs2112 Posted June 11, 2003 Share Posted June 11, 2003 dont feel bad, i am in the same position as you. i have been married to my wife for almost 2yrs, no kids. i have known my wife for about 3yrs. I met my x-girlfriend 7yrs ago, dated seriously for 1 1/2yrs and almost got married, we discovered we were soulmates, totally in love. she however lived 2yrs away. during this time a older man was after her, buying her stuff. things happend and we drifted apart, contacting eachother every few months, having sex. as a couple of years went by, i met my wife and she married this older guy. 2 weeks ago i recvd a letter from her in the mail with her phone number. we talked, she is getting a divorce and i am in an unhappy marriage. what do i do now? Link to post Share on other sites
newtothis Posted June 16, 2003 Share Posted June 16, 2003 You are in a big temptation situation. What have you done to make it work with your wife? Have you tried counseling? Are you sure you are only in love and just not thinking about the sex with your old girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
LookingforSunshine Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I have stayed in a relationship with my spouse for 14 plus years now unhappily. Sure, there have been both good and bad times, however, there have been some pretty big pieces missing overall and I am in love with another man. I have fought these feelings, denied them, followed up on them, tried to eliminate them, all the same, they are here. If you pursue this other person, you are only asking for trouble because you will then really want out of your marriage. If you wish to stay in the marriage, you MUST not contact this other woman. If you are not sure, then you are allowing this other person to be a reason to consider getting out. This is what I did. Although the awareness another person can bring to a failed relationship is enlightening, I dare say it ever gives the original committment a fighting chance as pandora's box gets opened and the mind can never shut it again. I hope you know what I mean. I am SO sorry you are in this situation. I UNDERSTAND!!! Truthfully, Reeling Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 Originally posted by Tony T What are you waiting for? This is absolutely ridiculous. Hi, Tony The LAST thing she needs to hear is your last comment! Come on, be nice here! Of course LOGICALLY speaking her situation does sound like self-hate but not everyone is thinking clearly through fears and anxiety. She is on this site looking for strength NOT to be run down more than she is already doing to herself! Do you agree? Netalia Link to post Share on other sites
findinmyway Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 I agree. And, she should be commended for searching for answers before just making a potential mistake. It is such a terrible, heart-breaking feeling isn't it? I am D - 3 yrs - and trying to reconcile. I am now drawn between reestablishing marriage to keep my family intact, or conclude it is really over and try to begin a life with the man I really love. I have finally reached the point that I am trying to take things day by day, and be really honest with my H. I see his attitude changing. I have told him I could stay in the M and raise our kids, then move on with my life. He doesn't want to settle for a loveless marriage and says he deserves to be loved. He does. Give your Spouse a little time, honesty, and a chance to be part of the decision. BTW--LookingforSunshine--this is Tracy. I changed my name. I figured I needed a new identity to match my new attitude Link to post Share on other sites
Ntanae Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been in my marriage for 13 years and dated my husband for 4 years before that. We have two kids though. I don't think I ever truly loved him. I do as a person and as the father of my children. But I do not feel the what i need to for him as a husband. We have had numerous of fights, arguements, where he has hit me and we have called each other very horrible names. My oldest child (12) has witnessed alot of this. Which is not good for him. I can not tell you the amount of times that I have wanted out! He cringes at the thought of me saying that I want to get a divorce. although he has admitted to how mean he has been to me and confesses to stop, I still do not want to stay married. I have never been out on my own. I am 35 and left my parents house to get married when I was 22. I want my independence to do what ever I want to do. Is that selfish? I am miserable too. But just the step of going through with divorce is hard. Very hard. I do have someone else that I love and have loved for about 4 years. However, I don't want to leave because of him. But I am so unhappy. My husband is very jealous and makes me very uncomfortable. It's not becsaue of my boyfreind though. He doesnt know about him. He used to but he doesnt think that we are messing around now. He saw a cell phone bill and tracked it and found out who he was. Is it fair for me to stay in the marriage for my kids and be unhappy? or do I leave and face the world alone, and have my independence? And see my freind whenever? I am so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Struggling Along Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Serena, Any updates on your situation? Have you two figured things out? I can relate to your situations which almosts sounds exactly like the one with me and my wife. Except we've been married just under two years. I think that I do live her, but I'm not sure if I just love her as a friend at this point. I don't find myself attracted to her physically (though there are exceptions to this), and our personalities don't mesh well. There's just no passion in the relationship. And passion does fade, but this passion faded quite quickly after we were married (within a couple months). One of the problems with my situation (and maybe yours) is that given that I too am in a place where I have acquaintances but not family or real friends, my wife is really my only friend. That means I lean on her quite a bit but also that I'm scared of being here without any friends at all. So, anyway, I understand the situation you find yourself in and am wondering how things have worked out. --Struggling Along Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted November 25, 2004 Share Posted November 25, 2004 Any updates on your situation? This thread was started in may of 2003...I doubt that you will get a response from serena. Link to post Share on other sites
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