He only wants me when I'm busy?

[LoveLace]

Well Dan called Friday night at 11pm, again Sunday morning at 3:30am (must have been drunk), I'm all about the booty calls, but I had to wake at 6am all weekend so I didn't bother to, nor did I have time to call him back until last night. He didn't leave any messages.When I called him back last night, he sent the call right to his voice mail, as though he's p*ssd I didn't call back sooner. It took him a week to return my call from the previous Saturday night. When we 1st got back together, I explained I have very little "fun time" because of nursing school.

 

Over the last 2 yrs, he's used to me calling back pretty quickly or whatever. I can't say all hook ups have only been based on his convenience, but since I've known him I can't even count how many return calls I never got. I'm not mad or anything, in fact I enjoyed the tables being turned for once.

 

But if you don't reach someone at 11pm one night, why would you try again at freakin 3:30am the next? WTF!! He knows I'm a nursing student but it isn't as though he knows my schedule to the Tee - was it driving him crazy that I wouldn't call back all weekend?

[Kamille]

That one's got booty called written all over it. Now, if I were you I would try to not waste a second trying to figure out and analyse what any of it meant.

 

You already know that this guy has nothing to serious to offer. He told you so. And he acts accordingly.

 

Also, we don't know why he let your call go to voicemail. Could be that by Sunday he realized he wasn't going to get any and figured there was no need to pick up.

 

You want a relationship? Don't waste your time, thoughts and energy on scraps.

[LoveLace]

I want a relationship, not neceassarily with him, but the truth is there's no room for a real relationship in my life right now, and there won't be for quite a while. So I don't bother to try and push one with Dan or anyone else anymore, for that matter. But we have a blast together and the sex is more than satisfying, so it's better than nothing for me at this time. Occasional is ok, because occasional is all I have time for. But usually, even if we call each other late, we manage to hang out for a few hours 1st before "hooking up", we don't normally get right to it...we act like a couple when we're together, but we're not a couple, which again is fine for my life right now. So your right, I won't bother to analyse it, I'm just going to keep going with the flow until I really have the time and energy for something more meaningful. I don't know - I'm sord of having fun with the whole thing, so there's really no problem now that I think about it...

[Star Gazer]

I want a relationship.... so it's better than nothing for me at this time.

 

No it's not, and you know it. Being alone and happy with yourself is ALWAYS better than dealing with a guy who sees you as worth nothing more than a weekend booty call and ignores you during daylight when he's sober.

 

If what he was offering you was really good enough, you wouldn't be here to analyze his behavior.

[Krytie TV]

No it's not, and you know it. Being alone and happy with yourself is ALWAYS better than dealing with a guy who sees you as worth nothing more than a weekend booty call and ignores you during daylight when he's sober.

 

If what he was offering you was really good enough, you wouldn't be here to analyze his behavior.

 

*applause*

[LoveLace]

If I have a guaranteed steady sex partner that has fun with me too, to me that's better than going months with no sex or physical contact what so ever...it's either that or meet my sexual needs with someone I hardly know, and i've known him 2 years. I found out with Marty that I don't even have the time and energy it takes to give a good guy what he deserves (although he was a bit on the needy side as well). There's nothing to analyze, I know that now. What Dan has to offer is perfectly convenient for my life, plain and simple. And he's just about always ready and willing when I want him to be. I dont know why I come here sometimes...just to type?...kill time at while I'm at work?

[Star Gazer]

Keep repeating that line of crap to yourself, LL, and you'll just continue to go 'round and 'round on the merry-go-round of heartbreak.

[Kamille]

Maybe it's to kill time but maybe Star has a point you should consider. I think both Stargazer and I pretty much went through the same thing at the same time where we decided that we would chose to be alone, to learn to enjoy it, rather then accept any kind of attention in our lives.

 

And, both Stargazer and I have recently found amazing men who are ready for a relationships.

 

To tell you the truth, the first thing I told my bf was that I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship because I had too much work to allow for any kind of drama in my life. It sounds pretty much like what you are saying, except that I knew that in my case, keeping drama out also meant staying away from FWB arrangements. I got myself a good sex toy and figured I would be single for awhile and was 97% fine with it. Ok, maybe 87% fine with it. I missed the comfort of a relationship, but wasn't ready to sacrifice my sanity to be with just anyone.

 

Two things: 1) deciding you will only allow men to treat you like girlfriend material makes you gilfriend material. It helped me convince myself I deserved nothing less then what I wanted and, when I was out dating, it helped my keep my head clear and detect red flags.

 

2) is it really the sex you miss or the intimacy? I don't know about you, but I can't replace one with the other and that's why, if I had had a FWB, I likely would have been on here trying to analyze their behavior.

 

Lovelace, I will tell you what a friend told me when I was considering having an affair years ago:

You might only be bored and maybe you are just afraid that without Dan in your life, your life will lack excitement.

If this is what you think I think you are wrong. I think Dan is prohibiting you from actually findinf fullfiment within yourself. A FWB arrangement is playing into your fears and insecurities and keeping them alive.

[Star Gazer]

I missed the comfort of a relationship, but wasn't ready to sacrifice my sanity to be with just anyone.

 

Seriously. Any relationship - serious or FWB - will involve some level of drama. You're going to lose your sanity at times, even with a good guy! So why not make the person who you lose your mind over worth it?

 

...deciding you will only allow men to treat you like girlfriend material makes you girlfriend material.

 

Such an important point. Read, repeat, and pass on to ChillChic for her review as well.

[Star Gazer]

Also - the title of your thread is misleading. This guy doesn't want you when you're busy. It's not like this guy is thinking, "Oh, she's out there living her life without me, what have I lost, oh no!!" No, a missed 3 a.m. phone call (when I presume you were sleeping) does not mean you're busy leading your life or "too busy" for him.

 

To the contrary, he wants you only when it's convenient for him. Why would you ever allow ANYONE to treat you that way?

[LoveLace]

I've only treated Dan with the same level of expectation as he's treated me...calling when it's convenient for ME...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, and vice-versa; can't say I've ever called him just to "talk" or anything of that nature...we've had phone conversations that ended up as just that, but not on purpose. He's different from the typical booty call in the respect that most times he actually takes me out for a good time 1st and I never have to pay for anything...most booty calls don't even want to mess with that...and I milk that part of it. So I can't say he's the only one "using" in a sense. Gosh..for our 1st date we had a limo for a baseball game (he used to play just below the major leagues) and sat in a luxury suite. He likes to go all out and it's a perk you don't normally get with just a "booty call". He's all about fun which is what I need in my life that is full of lazy roommates and nursing textbooks!

 

There's still room for me meet other guys though, cuz when I date Dan, we don't try and spend every spare day together. That's how Marty was and it was way too much for me even though I loved him. I didn't have the time it takes for his idea of a relationship. It was ultimately just additional stress in my life. Dan expects less, so it's almost like a good compromise for me...for now anyway.

 

I know what you mean about being alone...cuz technically I've spent many years "alone". I've always at least had a crush on someone, but my last long-term thing was 11 years ago. Imagine how much alone time I've had since then! (I lived alone for 5 years) And yes I was happy during that time, and really found myself, blah blah blah, and it was great. So I guess that's why I don't feel that I need it as much now.

 

However I think it's turned me into being 100% pessimistic that I'll never find "the one". But hey, it doesn't happen for everyone, despite of what we think. When the 6 week bliss ended with Marty I was kinda like, "ah well...figures"...since then I decided that fun is just what I need most from now on...hoping for more has become exhausting, when I did have more, it was still exhausting, so maybe Dan can really be my idea of enough...he's the one guy I don't get with and think "Gee I hope he's the one"...

 

I wish to be like you all and say I've found this "amazing wonderful guy" who thinks the same of me, but I don't think it's going to happen, weather I'm alone or hanging out with Dan. I spent the 1st 5 of the 11 years thinking "it'll come...still waiting...it'll come..." I'm afraid I've used up all my optimism...but thanks for trying to tell me anyway...