Mentally/Verbally Abusive Parents

[XtraSalty]

Hi,

I am going through some issues with my parents and grandparents at the moment. I got into

an argument with my Father last night over some issues concerning my Grandparents, and he is

making me feel like I'm in the wrong because I have a difference of opinion and I'm taking a

stand against him and everyone else on it. The issue that concerns my grandparents is "business",

which it's okay for them to pry into my business and yet I get talked down to because I say something

to my grandfather about keys being left in the truck (and how it could easily be stolen).

 

I honestly was trying to help him out, but he takes offense to it and rats on me to my parents because he (and my

grandmother) knows that it will cause me to get reprimanded by them over it. Another stupid thing that

happened is that I had went to the grocery store later on that day and ran into them and where my Grandmother

comes in is that she hounded me about what I was picking up for some people.

 

Now, I feel that I was being polite and respectful by speaking to them and all, but I told them that I needed to grab some things and get

going and that I would see them later. Instead of letting me go on about my business, my Grandmother asked me

what I was getting and I repeated my answer to her because she didn't have any right (or reason) to know why I

was even there. I tried to walk away and go on about my business, but she wouldn't leave me alone so I just

kept on walking.

 

I tried to talk to my parents about it because they have had issues with her in the past regarding her attitude and disposition and I like to think that they would understand and see it from my perspective, but I get lambasted and guilt-tripped by them about how people are too good to me and they bring up all the things that were done for me in the past (and they make it sound as if I don't do ANYTHING). I straight

up told them that just because they're old and considered "elders" that it doesn't give them the right to behavethe way they do, and they'll have to give respect if they want it.

 

I thought my parents were rational and smart enough to know that rule about respect, but they tell me that I'm in for a lonely life and how I owe them respect and whatnot. My parents (my Dad in particular) are the type of folks who generally are very good people who love their family and will help others, but it seems that they are the type of people who will praise someone one minute and curse their name the next if that person does or says something that they don't like.

 

They constantly hold things over my head to make me feel guilty when I step up and say that I disagree with them, and it's like they

try to make me feel like I owe them so much and that I'll never be equal with them (thus, they have the right to treat and talk to me however they wish and there's nothing I can do about it if I want to stay on good terms with them).

 

It seems that they constantly try to beat me down and make me feel like less of a person all because I won't kiss their rear-ends, and they have the gall to question me about whether or not I want to have a relationship with them. Honestly, I don't want to if this is how they're going to be towards me. I know my place in my relationship with my parents quite well (which they constantly remind me of it), and I know that a relationship is about mutual respect, communication, and understanding and not about controlling, disrespecting, and manipulating unless I'm badly mistaken.

 

They talk to me about me wanting things on MY terms, and yet that's what they're all about. I'm almost 27 years old, married, and am getting sick of their childish, manipulative, and mean tactics that they use to gain control over other people, and I about just don't care about having a relationship with them. It seems that they feel like they can get by with murder and not have to suffer any punishment for what they do, and yet other people have hell to pay when they don't see eye-to-eye with my parents.

 

I've pretty much hardened my heart to how they feel because they obviously don't seem to care about how their actions make me feel, and very seldom do they EVER apologize and show remorse for how they behave, but they demand it out of me when they feel that I am "out of line" (i.e. standing up for myself and not taking their crap). I'm beginning to feel like it's a sin to even bother talking to them about anything or accepting their help, for they always make me feel like I owe them through constant reminders about what they do for me and that I can never repay them. It's like they always tell me that nothing I do is ever good enough, and I refuse to tolerate being talked to like that anymore.

[Angelina Nisse]

One thing about it, they can't verbally abuse you if you stay away!