I want him back, but I feel like I've ruined any chance we had

[mint_tea]

Backstory: I was with my boyfriend for 4 months. He was my first boyfriend, first everything. We were 18/19 years old. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he said he doesn't want a girlfriend or a relationship right now. He was crying on the phone and said that what was making this so hard is that I'm probably the best girl he's ever had, and that it was him, not me. I said, "There's someone else, isn't there?" And he siad, "Honestly, no, there isn't. I just don't want a girlfriend right now." Apparently after he got off the phone with me, his next-door neighbor in the dorm heard him yelling, "F***!! F***!!!!".

 

See, we were at different schools and I was visiting him almost every weekend. The last few times before we broke up, I would cry before I had to leave. I felt like I was getting kicked out because he had to go to his frat meeting (when he joined the frat was when things got really rough). He said when he broke up with me that he couldn't take seeing the look on my face when I had to leave, and the guilt he felt for hours afterward. He also said he wanted to do something "big" with his life (I don't know how much of a factor this is, but he had brain cancer as a child, nearly died).

 

We talked online the next day, and talked about how we felt. I told him I was thinking, before he beat me to the punch, of asking for a break and then starting over at the end of the semester. He said, "can we say that's a possibility?" And he seemed very into the idea. He still wanted to talk during the break, saying we could talk on AIM and email here and there.

 

Well, that was 3 weeks ago. He played games with me, calling me "beautiful" while he was drunk one night, then started cutting conversations really short and being distant. Then he was back to semi-normal. I asked if we could chat on the phone, and he said he was fine with that. We were talking online one night about a week ago, and I said, "Are we broken up or are we taking a break?". He completely avoided the question, saying "please can we not talk about this right now...i'm not in the mindset for this...can we talk about it later? i'm sorry"

I sent him an email that night (I hadn't planned to send it then) saying that I realized the mistakes I had made, and that if at some point he decides he wants to try things again, that I promise things will be different (I was too needy, clingy, jealous, and insecure, we got serious too fast, I pushed the "love " thing on him). I told him I didn't want him to answer the email right away.

 

A few days later, I saw that he had written on a girl's facebook wall, "happy birthday beautiful!". After seeing that, I texted him "Well I guess I got my answer! I can't believe you." He called me and asked what the h*ll I was talking about, and I told him. His response: "[long pause] Are you f***ing kidding me? If I wanted to hit on anyone, she would be the last person! I call her beautiful jokingly in the hall all the time." I cowered and apologized. Then I said, "you were just waiting until the end of the semester to dump me again, weren't you??" He replied, "I told you it was over! You wanna be friends? Fine." I interrupted him and said I never wanted to speak to him again and hung up. I called him back a few minutes later and asked if he had even read the email I sent him. He quietly said, "Yes." And I said, "And none of that means anything to you?" He said, "Honestly, I just skimmed it! Because I have this due, and that due, and I have to do this..." He started hyperventilating (he has some really bad anxiety problems) and said "Give me a few days, because I. cannot. deal with this sh** right now, ok? bye" and hung up. For 4 days I went NC and then IM'ed him and asked him how he was doing. He said, "drunk, kinda tired, hungry." He acted as if this phone call never happened. I went 3 more days NC, and IM'ed him today and just said "hi". He said "hey, how you doing?" Our conversation lasted about 5 minutes because his friend was picking him up to go out. I was really disappointed. So I texted him about 20 minutes later and said, "You probably don't care, but, I miss you B." No response. That was earlier today.

 

I want him back SO badly. I have been crying almost every day the last 3 weeks, the pain is agonizing. I cannot deal with the idea of losing him forever! Every time I'm told to "move on", I break down. And to add to that, I am transferring to his school for the Spring semester (my decision had absolutely nothing to do with him). How am I going to deal with that??? And he still has pictures of us on Facebook, and I know he checks mine. Why?

 

Is there ANY chance I can get him back? I can't handle the thought of losing him forever! Even though he treated me poorly, I loved him with all my heart. All I want to do is just call him and say, "Can we forget the past and please try this again at the end of the semester?" I need to convince him that things will be different when it's not a long-distance thing anymore. My heart is aching for him.

 

But I feel like it's too late, and that thought consumes me! I want him back in my life so badly!

[dazie11]

sorry you feel so bad but you are too young and it was only 4 months. there are plenty of fish in the sea

[PLAYBRAT]

Mint...sorry about your ordeal

 

I know it might not help to hear this...but it sounds like your relationship

ended at the end of the "honeymoon" period..which truthfully MANY

relationships do. It is not unusual for men to break up with a girl

after 3-4 months of dating. The newness wears off, they get bored, the

challenge is over etc....so this probably is NOT a reflection on you at

ALL.

 

I wouldn't say all is lost. You need to definetely get some distance between you though. The fact that you are so emotional with him

is s sign that you are already TOO dependant on him and the Relationship.

Take some time to work on yourself.....whatever that means.

Work out, hang out with friends, etc.....become independant of the

relationship and you will see things much clearer, and maybe even that you don't NEED it as much as you thought.

 

You are SO young right now.You will date so many other guys who will

make this guy pale in comparison. Use this as an opportunity to

learn something...because a breakup ALWAYS hurts.

 

Best wishes to you..

[mint_tea]

I've dated two guys (one of them his friend, who has liked me for a while) since the break up and all it did was make me miss him more...