RoseRen Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Is this really possible? I know that we change through the course of life, but can we through conscious effort change back? We're all products of our experiences. And water flows under the bridge in only one direction. It wouldn't be cool to hijack this thought-provoking thread... but just to answer you: I used to be a firm believer in what you just said there. How would someone feel I have changed? Through my actions and words. What influences these? My thoughts. Can I change my thoughts? Yes. The only thing that can't be changed is the past. But I think I can change my thoughts and thus in turn my actions, behaviours, words, attitude and even emotions. I think there is a well-known concept called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) on the same lines. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CallMeCrazy Posted December 5, 2007 Author Share Posted December 5, 2007 I used to think there was one person out there... but as I've gotten older and wiser I don't believe it's possible. For me, I've had relationships which I thought were great, and filled with love. Only recently did I fully begin to understand that I never even knew real love. Slightly scary, but at the same time I'm so greatful I have been able to experience a love as deep and real as this. I'm sure if/when I have children I'll experience a new, even deeper love and perhaps my mind will again change on the soul mate issue? I know that right now, I'm in a relationship unlike any other, for a variety of reasons. It sure feels like we're soul mates, but I think soul mates for this period in my/our life is probably a more-accurate description. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMichael Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Like they say in the movie Highlander.."there can be only ONE!" I believe I met my soulmate, to much coincidental stuff that happened, any of you guys seen the film " a life less ordinary" ? watch it and you'll understan what im talking about..I think that I f I meet any one else, it will never be like it was w/ her....I KNOW that Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I have a question for all of you out there... Do you believe there is ONE person that you are supposed to be with? Soul mate, spouse, etc. You get the idea... Yes, I do believe that there is one person for everyone. I also believe that you will know when you have found it. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I also believe that you will know when you have found it. I found it hard to tell the difference between Ms. Right and Ms. Right Now ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 I am married and I don't believe in a Soulmates - as in a Soulmate who is the perfect fit, who is 100% compatible to me. This is my explanation : People change. I can marry a person who is THE ONE for me and yet cannot expect him to remain the same. Over the years, he could change and become less loving, less lovable and less compatible to me. Now, I have two options. a) I can dump him and find another person who is 100% compatible to me. But there is no guarantee that the second person I'm going to be with is going to remain the same. or b) I can accept the situation and the person the way they are and make amends for any shortcomings from my part and inspire the other person to change back into the THE ONE again. But there is no guarantee that he will change back into my "soulmate" again. I personally prefer option b (And actually am trying to execute that in my life). So I do believe that there is just ONE person for me - and that would be and will be the person I have taken my vows with. Though I don't believe in soulmates and wouldn't want to believe in that - I would love to believe love happens at first sight, because it sounds so very romantic. But I haven't been lucky in that area. I saw my H when I was 1 day old - but no sparks produced. :-( (I've infact heard that he tried to "murder" me that day by choking me with a chocolate.) But we can still look at each other and feel that there is something very special between us. I think it is nothing more than being exclusively-attached to each other for a long period. Going slightly tangent: My H was a person who believed in the soulmate-concept when we were teenagers (when we were buddies and very very immature). All his crushes "seemed" like soulmates to him at the time. LOL. Anytime he saw his "prospective soulmate" he would give me the "I-think-she-is-the-one-for-me" speech. (He gave me the same speech when he proposed to me, and I could complete sentences for him. LOL.) And after a few weeks/months, I would be listening to "What-did-I-see-in-her?" or "Why-did-she-break-my-heart?" speech. May be he is the reason I stopped believing in Soulmates ;-). But he is also the reason for me to be that there is just ONE person for me. :-) Beautifully versed! Everyone on this thread needs to read and understand what was said here, this is IMO the best answer to the questions posed here. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 I don't know about soulmates but I truly feel I have never meshed anybody as well as I do with my wife. When I got to know her it was like where were you all my life? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 I don't know about soulmates but I truly feel I have never meshed anybody as well as I do with my wife. When I got to know her it was like where were you all my life? That is very sweet. How long have you been married and do you feel the same way today? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 That is very sweet. How long have you been married and do you feel the same way today? We have been married about a year and a half and yes I feel the same way today. Probably the only women I can be married to. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 We have been married about a year and a half and yes I feel the same way today. Probably the only women I can be married to. You know, Woggle, your story really gives me hope. I'm very happy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 You know, Woggle, your story really gives me hope. I'm very happy for you. I am glad that I give you hope but I think I just got really lucky. If I never happened to meet her that day walking on the boardwalk I would probably still be single with no prospects in sight. Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 It wouldn't be cool to hijack this thought-provoking thread... but just to answer you: I used to be a firm believer in what you just said there. How would someone feel I have changed? Through my actions and words. What influences these? My thoughts. Can I change my thoughts? Yes. The only thing that can't be changed is the past. But I think I can change my thoughts and thus in turn my actions, behaviours, words, attitude and even emotions. I think there is a well-known concept called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) on the same lines. So as not to hijack this thread, I've started a new one: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t138002/ Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Haven't read the whole thread yet, but I will... Timing, coincidence and abit of luck is everything. There are too many potiental's out there too. I'll be back to get into more detail later as right now I can't formulate the words to make a whole lotta sense today! LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
RoseRen Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 We have been married about a year and a half and yes I feel the same way today. Probably the only women I can be married to. That's cute, Woogle. Wish you both very best!!! Link to post Share on other sites
RoseRen Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Beautifully versed! Everyone on this thread needs to read and understand what was said here, this is IMO the best answer to the questions posed here. Cheers! Thanks Darwin! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 what I thought was love wasn't even a pale imitation of what I would later find I wonder how many of those folks who put all their eggs in one basket when it comes to love identify that love as the be-all, end-all of their relationships because it's such an intense feeling, and thus define it as "true love" or "soul mates" or "real love"? Because as you mature, you come to find that your definition of love grows and what you thought was love doesn't hold a candle to the love you ultimately find ... love isn't stagnant, but sometimes people mistakenly try to make it so! Link to post Share on other sites
spooty Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 what I thought was love wasn't even a pale imitation of what I would later find I wonder how many of those folks who put all their eggs in one basket when it comes to love identify that love as the be-all, end-all of their relationships because it's such an intense feeling, and thus define it as "true love" or "soul mates" or "real love"? Because as you mature, you come to find that your definition of love grows and what you thought was love doesn't hold a candle to the love you ultimately find ... love isn't stagnant, but sometimes people mistakenly try to make it so!i agree with you, i think love is much more than two people who find each other by luck. in high school me and my bf were very naive and idealistic. we had that intense phase where we said "wow no one could possibly know how amazing this is, how did we find each other?! we're going to beat the odds, you're the one for me!" of course many first loves feel that way, but not many last 5 years like we have. it takes work, and time, and understanding. i knew i loved him and i wanted to be with him forever early on, but not until recently has it really been feasible. we've reached that point where lusty young love has turned to unconditional love. we've had rough places, and phases where we thought it might end, but we've both been dedicated and patient and refused to give up, and helped each other change for the better. i think it has a lot to do with finding someone with the same idea of love as you. me and my bf believe very much in partnership, fidelity and friendship, and not being too overt with the relationship. we found what we wanted and we stopped looking for more. i think we both flirt and fantasize, but at the end of the day, there is not a person out there that could make us give up what we've built. we didn't put each other up on pedestals, but we put the idea of "love" up there. to us it was always sacred and precious, and much bigger than either of us. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 what I thought was love wasn't even a pale imitation of what I would later find I wonder how many of those folks who put all their eggs in one basket when it comes to love identify that love as the be-all, end-all of their relationships because it's such an intense feeling, and thus define it as "true love" or "soul mates" or "real love"? Because as you mature, you come to find that your definition of love grows and what you thought was love doesn't hold a candle to the love you ultimately find ... love isn't stagnant, but sometimes people mistakenly try to make it so! I think that is a pretty good statement, quankanne. I didn't believe in the soul mate thing when I got married. Probably because he wasn't my soul mate, lol! But now that I'm in my 40s and know myself so much better, I feel that there are definitely things you recognize as something more than love; something more than beneficial to you. The first time I discovered my soul mate I was quite shocked actually. It was just something my spirit knew. It was hard to explain. I don't think we'll marry, though I wish we could, but I know we were supposed to meet and know each other for a while. As for those who think we are supposed to be married to our soulmates forever, well, I don't think that always happens. We might meet them in our lifetime; we might marry them for a lifetime; or we might skip meeting them in this lifetime and marry them in the next! In the meanwhile, take quankanne's advice because it is good! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 we've reached that point where lusty young love has turned to unconditional love. I'll take a helping of that lusty young love, and DH wouldn't even have to put Christmas wrap around it! :laugh: i think it has a lot to do with finding someone with the same idea of love as you. me and my bf believe very much in partnership, fidelity and friendship, and not being too overt with the relationship. sounds like y'all have found the secret to keeping a relationship alive ... and that's fantastic Link to post Share on other sites
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