I seriously give up

[MrMichael]

Well, I am not trying to rant here, but I seriously give up on hope of finding a mate. I have heard all the cliche's such as "you find when not looking" etc, and have found most of this to be true. I have been quite content being alone for the most part, and the 3 serious relationships I have been in (Im 33) have all ended due to infidelity on the other persons behalf. ....except for the last one, which the girl just seemed to shut off and drop all contact.

 

I am still coping with/sorting out the last relationship which ended in Sept. I wasn't with this girl very long and thats what bugs me, because the other girls I was with for quite longer, the one before this nearly 3 yrs and was over her in less time. I think what has kept me tied in and confused is the things she said to me, things that were said before we got intimate.

 

The other issue is that I DID met her when I didnt want a girlfriend, not necessarily "didn't" want, but was perfectly happy doing my own thing. This was also the 1st and only girlfriend I had whom like myself was childless, not that I have anything against single moms, but there were ALOT of things her and I had in common, we worked in the same industry, things like that. and the chemistry was definitely there. we had both noticed that, more than any of this, she said early in the relationship that she felt god or something had brought us together, which being that I am a spiritual person I thought was cool to hear.

 

so what happened? I seriously do not know, I am at the point where I have the mindset that if I cant be with this girl I dont want anyone else. and really, I don't this leads me to think I have found my soul mate, I mean I have met alot of girls, dated and all of that and been in a few serious relationships and before I even slept with this girl, I had more chemistry and things in common with her than all of the rest put together.

 

does anyone believve in soul mates? do you believe there is that ONE person even if the relationship ends, ?

 

now its almost Xmas and I am bummed out BAD!..This is the only girl I have thought of constantly every day, before during and after it endded, before meaning, before we met in person.

 

I have tried in every way to forget her but can't...I keep saying "if this isn't the one, let me move on"...

 

I get so fearful and depressed about not ever being married or have kids, to the point of sleeping 12 hrs a day, and bumed out

 

thanks for reading

[Lovegod]

but I seriously give up on hope of finding a mate.

 

That's fine. More for people like me!

 

does anyone believve in soul mates?

Hell no. To tell me that you've found your one true mate even though you haven't even dated a fraction of the earth's female population is just plain retarded. I believe in the "ideal mate", and there could be lots of those out there. You just have to go looking.

 

But I guess you won't be doing that since you've given up.

 

I have tried in every way to forget her but can't

 

You can't consciously try to forget. You have to keep yourself busy with other things and other women.

 

Oh wait, you gave up on women. Well, I guess you're just screwed then.

 

I get so fearful and depressed about not ever being married or have kids,

 

Being single and happy is better than being married and miserable. The only thing you need to work on is being happy and content WITHOUT needing a woman. The last thing you should be doing is getting the source of you happiness from another person. You should be finding that source of happiness inside you, within the things you accomplish, and the things you're good at. All of this will bring you much more joy than any woman could give you. Besides, a woman should ADD happiness to your life, not be the source of it. And if she starts to subtract from your overall happiness, that's when you get rid of her.

[KarmaSutra]

Your issue is your defeatist mental state and self loathing. I don't see that you have any responsibility for yourself, only blame "her" for not being with you. Can you blame anyone for not wanting to be with someone who is such a downer? Brother, you need to work on yourself until you have enough love in your heart to give to another person. Jumping from chick to chick will do nothing but cause the vicious cycle of you hating yourself because they keep leaving you to persist and fester.

 

The resolution is you taking care of you.

[Semphirople]

whats up brother, i gotta put in my 2 cents cause ive been there done that.

 

yeah ill admit it sucks to wake up alone in bed, or watch some late night crap cause all my friends were out with their women LOL but you see bro you gotta build yourself up first, only then will the right women detect your positive attitude. if you dont, youll be single for a very long time or struggle with unfulfilling relationships that give you even worse feelings about women that left you

 

start with all the things you may or may not have put together, like a good career plan, productive things that you are involved in, maybe your passions that need to be enacted? its like the air youre gonna have around you will attract the right type of attention, those women WILL WANT to actually talk to you instead of the other way around

thats what i think