How to get over a bad person?

[spike7165]

I know some of you have read my previous posts. My ex is completely crazy, a total deceptive lying bitch I know I had no real future with.

My question is why does it still hurt so much, why do I feel so alone in our now empty home. Can anyone suggest anything to help get over this?

It's driving me crazy, I know she is a terrible proposition, and that I am actually better off without her but why the hell does it still hurt so much. I feel crazy to be hurting.

I know right now she is in bed in a hotel with the new guy and I Hate it. I don't know why, I should be partying because she is gone but it hurts so much.

Any help on how to stop feeling like this and why I feel like this would be appreciated, I am sure others are in a similar situation.

Thanks

[3rdI]

It hurts because we are creatures of habit and we like what is familiar. but what is familiar is not always what is good. Fill you time with working out or going to the bookstore or pick up a new hobby.

 

I feel hurt because I am very intelligent and someone fooled me. My pain emanates from always being in control or controlling my options and then I have some two bit busted loser who ran weak game and I was too busy to call him out. I hurt because of my ego.

 

I cannot hurt because of him....he was so deceptive that I did not know him and thus, I can only grieve for the mistakes I made, the signposts I ignored and my temporary color blindness (the red flags).

 

Then I must forgive myself and find healing...move on. hurt for a little while but fill the time with new activities and soon you will rejoice that you have been spared. It is not easy, I know. I spent the entire night trying to sleep but couldn't. I will put one foot in front of the other and not look behind because there is nothing useful there.

[spike7165]

Your ex sounds like the male equivalent of mine.

I am intelligent as well, which is why I am struggling to work out why I couldn't see it before. I think I could see something but chose to ignore it which was stupid because the illusion of love and what I thought was a good woman outweighed the bad that I could see.

I wasn't too busy to call her out, I was just too weak and afraid to finish it earlier when it probably would have caused me less pain.

Mine was so deceptive as well, see some of my other posts! I agree 100%, I don't know if she changed or was always like this but in the last few months she has been so deceptive I can only kick myself for not getting out sooner.

I know one day I will feel spared, I can see the deceptive nastiness of the creature now, she is not the woman I met nearly 3 years ago, an alien has taken over her, but she's not coming back.

I guess there is no shortcut to ease the pain, wish they would invent some drug, I guess all you can do is focus on the bad things and stop seeing them through rose tinted glasses.

[cj1988]

I feel the same way, EXCPET I am still there and trying to break free now and move on.....hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I know I should have been gone, but it is hard to throw away 13 years.....BUT, I have realized he is not the same person I met and married, so that is helping for some reason....not enough yet, but I am getting there !

[spike7165]

I'm not going to become a woman hater BUT, it does make me think. I thought I had found my soulmate, the perfect combination of a beautiful sexy woman yet intelligent, kind and loving. A rare combination. The truth turned out to be a woman who either changed or was always a liar, self centered and is becoming increasingly desperate for male attention as she gets older.

 

It does make you think if you can only date or have relationships with so many people in your life, the number after all is fixed unless you enjoy one night stands which I dont. Out of all the women in the world, what are your chances from maybe a handful of serious relationships in finding your perfect mate male or female.

 

I think my ex, apart from being crazy is quite a good example of how people in their 20-30s now think. I am old fashioned i think at 33, I have morals and standards but am fun and open minded, but don't think you should behave in the immature disgusting way a lot of men and women who cheat now do.

Why can't they just say sorry it's not working and finish first. Why can't either men or women appreciate someone good when they have them without looking for the grass to be greener.

 

Maybe it has always been part of the human condition but getting worse as times change.

[cj1988]

Hello Spike, I am sorry you are going through this, BUT all women are not like that.....I was at that age, I have no reason to lie, but as we get older, that changes along with time. Find an older woman and she will adore you !

[spike7165]

Hi CJ, were you like that at 36? I guess I expected more of a woman of that age with a 6 year old son. She is acting like she is in her early 20s rather than 36 with a young son!

[connerb]

The grieving process is, of course, different for everyone. It depends on the length of the relationship, the circumstances of your break, etc. My situation is as follows -- I had been dating this guy for a year, we were in love (so I thought), I was supporting him while he was going to school. Over Thanksgiving weekend I found out he was cheating. I had my suspicions, but this was the weekend that solidified everything. He didn't cheat just once either, it was many times. This hurt a lot.

 

Around the same time he moved to NYC, I found an apartment for us to live in together. This was home for about a year. And now, it's different because he isn't there every night when I get home. So, what do I do? I started by turning everything around. I cleaned the entire space. I moved all of the furniture around to make it different. I followed the rules of Feng Shui to make the energy better, I opened up the windows and let in the light. I found all of the stuff he left behind and I threw every last piece of **** out. Anything that reminded me of him, gone. What the hell, right? I paid for everything. Why shouldn't I enjoy it. I burned sage, I threw away the old pictures, I started going to the gym, I blocked him from being my friend on MySpace (childish, I know, but why should he get to see what's going on in my life?), I stopped answering his calls, I stopped responding to his texts. I'm training my brain to not care about this little **** that I cared soooo much about for the better part of 2007. F him. He didn't appreciate my love. Someone better will.

 

I understand it's harder than it sounds, but it's a matter of taking the steps towards recovery. One day at a time, etc. Start making one minor improvement in your life, the next day, you start making another, and so on and so forth, and, before you know it, you've conquered the beast. You're a healthier human being worthy of so much more, others begin to see that, and you attract better people. At least, this is what I think happens. It's all a matter of attitude. You have to believe that you did all you could, that you can find someone better for you, that the sun will shine tomorrow.