Is this "my daughter this, my daughter that" a bit much?

[Bill]

by yes

i'm sorry to get personal here, but unless you were joking, bill, and you dont seem like much of a joker, i won't even read any of your posts from now on.

 

Use common sense. If you think I intentionally take my car out and aim for cats, then so be it. "yes", I didn't ask you to read my posts, you make that choice.

[jessicakicksbut]

I agree fully with JAG 2 on this issue. Why is it that a great deal of people "go on and on" when talking about their children to other people, especially to people who don't even know their kids. Personally, I think a great deal of these people are trying to live their lives vicariously through their children, hence the reason why they center their conversation around their children. This isn't aimed at all people with children, just a small majority. I find it so annoying and selfish!!!! I don't want to hear how Jr. doesn't crap in his diapers anymore for over half an hour...it can be said in less than two minutes.

[Gray]

Originally posted by Just A Girl2

Um, let's see now, how can I be more clear here.

 

You couldn't make yourself more clear with windex. Your own "arguement" or "point" that you're trying to make is to justify to the world, or the people of this forum, that your way of life (husbandless, childless) is a valid form of living. Which no one is trying to debate.

 

Your previous posts were littered with hurtful words (hags, arrogant, condescending). I don't know who you're arguing with. No one here attacked your way of life. In fact there was no attack at all, simply parents (and me) standing up for a man, who loves his child, and has every right to talk about it. If the original poster can't deal with it, then she shouldn't stay with him, for both of their sakes

 

Just as your are bored with lengthy discussions over individual's kids, I am as equally bored in your feminist propaghanda and speeches in some egotistical attempt to "educate" the "poor" hags who find substance in raising their children.

 

So no sweetheart, I don't "get it". Who are you preaching too? I am more than happy to allow my future wife to go out and work, or do whatever will make her happy. In fact I would love the opportunity to stay at home and raise my children, in my mind thats the only reason I'm here on Earth.

 

But maybe I should follow your more hedonistic view of the world, and worry about the one and only; myself. Let me repeat one of your own quotes to you, "People whose lives are truly great, generally don't have to go around constantly telling people. "

[Kat]

Originally posted by Gray

You couldn't make yourself more clear with windex.

 

If I was more intelligant (I got a child, drat) I would of said that too I think you have said what most people are feeling about this issue and JAG!

[Just A Girl2]

IntelligAnt, or intelligent?

 

And really Kat, how would you presume to know what most people here are feeling about this topic and myself, have you devoted time to taking a comprehensive behind the scenes survey of readers here? heh

[Carly]

Back to the original topic, it is truly a concern when a parent is overly wrapped up with their child -- particulalary when the parent is a single father and his child is a sexually developed girl, as in this case.

 

If the father goes on this way with his daughter, then this could create a lot of sexual anxiety (heck, fear!) for the girl when she is with dad. This is a situation of significant oedipal risk. Even if the sexual tension is kept "below the surface" the anxiety is still there.

 

On the other hand, this father could also be quite cold, distant, even neglectful of his daughter when he is with her. Sometimes parents are so lacking in their capacity to love that they can't even connect with their own kids, so they overcompensate "in absentia," by adoring them when they aren't around, and when it is easier on their fragile ego.

 

And then there is the possibility this is a highly narcissistic father, whose daughter is merely an extension of his own, pitifully lacking identity. He so much devalues himself deep down, that he has to brag shamelessly about his daughter in order to bolster his own self-esteem, "by proxy."

 

This guy's behavior is far beyond the normal range of pride that a healthy parent feels for their kids (or cats!). Your instincts are right about this guy. He is not in a healthy relationship with either himself or with his daughter.

 

Good luck with him.

[Just A Girl2]

Very interesting and logical "possible" scenarios. Well said!

[cindy0039]

Well, I've read the original post several times and nowhere can I find anything that would lead to a possible conclusion of any kind of sexual overtone with what this father is saying about his daughter. He simply sounds like a devoted and proud father to me. To read into it all of the things that Carly said, IN MY OPINION, is ridiculous. And the woman says she's only seen him for a short time so she really hasn't gotten to know him that well. What she said was that him talking about his daughter was getting on her nerves, not that she thought he was somehow perverted towards his daughter. I realize we are all just posting our thoughts and opinions here, but all those assumptions and possibilities were quite a stretch, don't you think?

 

So Carly, what is your advice for the original poster? I'm just curious.

[Tony T]

Carly hasn't read anything into anything. She has merely presented possibilities in a very excellent way. Her post is directly related to the original post in every way.

 

When you feel compelled to criticize a post, which I certainly hope you do sparingly, sit back...take some breaths....and read it over again before you go into flaming mode.

 

I think Carly's speculation and observations are quite astute....as does the poster just before you.

 

Chill!

[cindy0039]

Tony - First of all, I wasn't criticizing Carly, merely voicing my own opinion on the topic, which I thought we were all entitled to do here.

 

Secondly, I don't understand your sudden change in position on this particular post. Go back and read your first response to the original poster.

[Norma]

I never thought of there being any sexual overtones, but in a subconcious way I think it could be possible. I saw him today for lunch and he was going to meet his daughter after work because she wanted him to come with her to buy shoes. Usually that is more a "woman" (mother) thing where mothers and daughters go shopping for clothes although there is nothing really odd about a father also wanting to go shopping with his daughter.

 

I didn't mention it, but he also has a 19-year-old step daughter who is the half sister of the 14-year-old, and she also has a room in his place for whenever she wants to come over.

 

When he talks he sometimes says things like, "I have to spend time with my kids, I have to raise them," and I remind him that the older one is already an adult, then he says he was referring more to the younger one.

 

When he asked me if I wanted children and I said "maybe" he told me he would be more attracted to me if I wanted them. This kind of made me think that he would "love" the children more than me, and it kind of turned me off the idea of wanting them with him. Does this make sense? he seems obsessed with wanting to have more. I think I should steer this relationship into the direction of friendship (I'm already doing this slowly) because I don't think I want to get deeply involved with him, have more children with him and then be secondary to him.

[Carly]

Hi Norma,

 

Glad that you are starting to probe your concerns about this man's relationships and expectations regarding kids.

 

Don't know your age, but do you remember there was the old Saturday Night Live schtick with Rosana Rosana Dana? Can't remember the comedianne's name (she tragically died of ovarian cancer in her prime-- ring a bell?!) Anyway, her favorite expression has become my very favorite over the years: "There's always something."

 

Just a simple little fact to remind us that life is never as tidy or predictable as it seems on the surface. And of course this is particulalry true with relationships.

 

Good luck in your relationship journey.

[Kat]

IMHO I think you are all looking WAY to far into this. A proud father doesn't make a child rapist or a child obsessed husband.

 

Children come first and fore most over partners. All I can see are people without children, trying to justify and speak as if they know what it is like to have children, oh no sorry cats.

 

I love my partner dearly, but if I was forced to choose, I would choose my daughter. I am proud of my daughter and even brag about her at work, with my partner, and with my friends.

My child is my life and therefore the point of conversation in most cases. Think what you will, but people without children can only speculate about what it is like to have children, but I believe you call it an opinion.

[NEONINK]

Sorry, but this sounds like jealousy of a lucky kid.

 

"Usually that is more a "woman" (mother) thing where mothers and daughters go shopping for clothes although there is nothing really odd about a father also wanting to go shopping with his daughter."

 

If he were taking you shopping for shoes, you'd eat it up. A Dad needs to provide those basic things. He's a doting father, big time. Find a guy that doesn't dote so much on his children and you'll be happier. There's nothing wrong with your feelings, and there's nothing wrong with his priorities. You are just two people that have different needs and wants right now.

 

Find a new guy that doesn't have the baggage. There's nothing wrong with preferring to date someone without it.

[veggie]

Yum.

 

Seriously, though, it is not a putdown to say that people without kids can't understand what it's like to have one. You can't. Before I had kids, I had cats. And I totally loved my cats and, had you asked me then, I would have said that I felt about my cats the way people with kids feel about their kids.

 

But once I had kids, I realized how naive I'd been to ever think that. There is nothing that compares with having kids. This is not to say that everyone should do it or that you can't be fulfilled or happy otherwise. But it is to say that there is nothing else like having kids. That's all - it is just different. For me, it happens also to be the best thing I ever did, but that is purely my opinion.