XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months. Previously, I was in an abusive relationship. I have to admit that I haven't gotten over the abuse that I went through in this relationship as it was very bad. I was also abused during my childhood (not by my family). I am telling you these details, because I know that I can be really insecure and I know I have a lot of issues that I must deal with...my boyfriend (I will call him R) knows about my abusive relationship. He doesn't know about all of my past, though. R treats me a lot better than my previous boyfriend did, but I feel really insecure by some of his comments that he makes to me. He constantly talks about this celebrity that he has an obsession for. I don't mind that, as I find a lot of celebrities attractive, too. Who doesn't? But, he has me watch this TV series that she appears in with him a LOT, and he makes a lot of comments to me that if he ever had a chance with her, he would leave me in a second. He tells me that he would cheat on me with her and what not. He writes scripts and hopes to be a scriptwriter. He wrote a part specifically for this actress and is convinced that eventually she will play this part. He always jokes around that I will have a lot to worry about when she is cast as this part. I think I am a lot more grounded than he is, in that I find the whole idea unrealistic. I don't feel insecure in that I actually believe any of this is going to happen, but he seems to believe it and it makes me feel less than. I don't go home and cry about it by any means, but it makes me feel as if I am not very pretty and am not worthy of his affections. Now I know that this whole thing may sound silly to an outsider, but it tends to hurt my feelings, especially considering that he knows that I'm a little bit fragile due to my previous abusive relationship. I'm currently in therapy, as I know I should be. I don't get jealous of him hanging out with female friends at all. In fact, I rarely get jealous in relationships, which I've always been grateful for. His best friend is a girl and it doesn't bother me at all. She's very cool and I like her. But, this continual subject really bothers me as it seems to be thrown in my face every time I see him; there's always a lot of mentions of this girl on TV and how he would cheat on me with her, etc. Does this seem inappropriate to anyone else or am I really overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 4, 2007 Author Share Posted December 4, 2007 Also, I wonder if this is a sign that I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet? I don't know if it's appropriate for me to feel less than for all of these comments. Why does he feel appropriate making them to me? I feel like I am basically attractive though I used to have a lot of problems with my weight and not eating. Thankfully, through work in therapy that has changed and I no longer have these problems. I felt like I was really getting somewhere in my life and was improving myself. I'm going to take up boxing soon and was very excited at this prospect. I don't know what the goal is in trying to put me down in this way. The first couple times he mentioned it, I didn't care, but now I feel like it's just going overboard. Is he trying to make me jealous of someone I do not even know and neither does he? I just feel like I am being compared and am basically being told that I'm not good enough as it is mentioned every time we see each other. I want to feel that new relationship, good vibe thing and I used to but now I just don't know if I'm ready for a relationship if I can't handle all these comments. Other than this, though, he is attentive and treats me nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 4, 2007 Author Share Posted December 4, 2007 Sorry to bump this, I am just really wanting peoples' opinions. Thank you for reading this if you did and I appreciate your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 4, 2007 Author Share Posted December 4, 2007 Does anyone have any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
blue.butterfly Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 To me his behavior speaks way more about him than you. He seems obsessive about this celebrity, which would send off alarm bells for me... Link to post Share on other sites
Myz_Heavenly Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 I was in a similar situation w/my ex husband. He would brag about what he would do sexually to this certain singer he loved, when around his guy friends and when I was around it was as if I didn't exist. At first I didn't mind, but over time as it got consistent, I felt disrespected. So, I don't think you are overreacting. Your bf needs to get a reality check is all. Sorry, but I don't really have any advice as to what to do, b/c it is kinda hard to make your case b/c i'm pretty sure he would always throw up the argument that she IS a celebrity, not someone he actually knows which would belittle your feelings. Good luck though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 5, 2007 Author Share Posted December 5, 2007 Thank you very much for your responses. As I mentioned before, I am not normally a jealous person and never have been, but this has really gotten to me as the comments are literally everytime I see him and they are more than just, "She's so hot"...they're more like, "I would dump you in a SECOND for her," and "Once I meet her, I am so cheating on you"...sometimes the comments go on at great length and I'm tired of it. I have said something before, but that seems to have not gotten through. I have been feeling worse about myself and I know that's not his fault; it's mine. I am the one that controls how I feel. But I feel like maybe I'm not ready for another relationship if this is the way it's gonna be. Everytime I see him, we have to watch that show and while I used to enjoy it and I loved seeing a part of his life that he really liked, now I just cringe because I know the comments are coming. I have been more concerned about the way I look and my eating lately, and I feel like this is a bit of a transgression from where I was when I was working on getting better from my previous relationship. I know these are definitely my own issues to deal with and that it's no one's fault, but these comments really hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 5, 2007 Author Share Posted December 5, 2007 Does anyone else have any ideas? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
wherewouldibe Posted December 5, 2007 Share Posted December 5, 2007 Now I know that this whole thing may sound silly to an outsider, but it tends to hurt my feelings, especially considering that he knows that I'm a little bit fragile due to my previous abusive relationship. Actually it doesn't sound silly at all- it sounds like your bf is an As*. You are cool with him having female friends, you don't get jealous, he is really lucky because not all females are like that. Yet he makes you feel like you are not his ideal, that you are not #1 and that is not right! He sounds a little unrealistic and I realize that you probably dont' feel threatened by his statements that he'd leave you for this celebrity because we both know that the chances of him actually dating her are next to nothing. But he is being VERY disrepectful by rubbing this in your face all the time. It would bother me too. I think it would bother pretty much anyone. There are only so many times you can laugh something off and with your past I"m sure its even harder. You deserve respect and admiration from you bf and he isnt' giving you either. He's more involved in entertaining the notion of some dumb fantasy than being there for you. I just want you to know that its perfectly normal that your feelings are hurt. You should try to talk to him about his obsession and give him a reality check. or at least tell him that his constant remarks about this celebrity hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
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