Why do I feel so hollow?

[Guest]

Well, I finally did it. After months of being jerked around

 

and being taken for granted in a relationship, I finally

 

took a step back and told her that I think we need to take

 

some time off to re-evaluate what we both want from a

 

relationship. So why do I feel so hollow?

 

Here's the background: There's a major age difference

 

between us. She's 19; I'm 29 and divorced. I love her with

 

all my heart and soul but I can't take it anymore. We've

 

been dating for over a year. Throughout the entire

 

relationship she's been controlling, demanding, and

 

immature, but I've always chalked it up to a phase -- I

 

really thought that love would see us through. I really

 

thought that she would eventually settle down, show me

 

she loves me, and stop taking me for granted. Now I think

 

our relationship is over.

 

Both tonight and last night, for example, she said she would

 

call me (last night) or come to my house (tonight), but

 

each time, she stood me up. Each time she got home about

 

midnight. Each time I was worried out of my skull about

 

what might have happened to her. Each time when I expressed

 

my concern she told me I was a) controlling for wanting to know where she was, b) an idiot, and c) an a**h***.

 

For what it's worth, I *don't* think she's cheating on me.

 

She's cheated on me in the past, but I believe her when she

 

says she's not now. I just think she's being immature and

 

what really hurts: she isn't even considering my feelings

 

when she stands me up and doesn't even call. She always

 

twists it around: "if I had called, you would have yelled

 

at me for standing you up!" I've never yelled at her unless

 

she was yelling at me first.

 

It's a volatile relationship, I know. She's a volatile person. But I love her. Tonight I told her what I need from a relationship: someone I could count on, someone who cared about me enough to call me to let me know they were alive if they were going to be late or had to cancel on me. I told

 

her I thought we both needed to take a few days to decide

 

what we both want from a relationship. I wanted to marry her. Now I'm not so sure. If things are this bad now, what

 

might they be like if we were married? All I want is for

 

her to show me that she loves me as much as she says she

 

does.

 

I feel like I've ended the relationship. I feel so hollow.

 

I've poured my heart and soul into this relationship for

 

over a year. Is there a solution?

 

Steve

[Leigh]

As much as it pains me to say this I must. She is a child. At 19 years of age she has not experienced enough of life to know all that she wants. She is also not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. A relationship is a two way street and she is not treating it that way. It seems to me she wants all traffic heading in one direction and there is no changing that. I am sure you love her and have many good memories from your time with her. My suggestion....leave it for now. Tell her you will be her friend but your happiness is what matters. It is never easy and it takes time to organize your thoughts and feelings but she needs time to grow up and appreciate what a loving relationship can do. You have to keep yourself busy. Let her do all the work if she wants you back all you can do is let her know how you feel. But get on with your life as best you can. She'll let you know if she wants to be a part of it.

Well, I finally did it. After months of being jerked around and being taken for granted in a relationship, I finally took a step back and told her that I think we need to take some time off to re-evaluate what we both want from a relationship. So why do I feel so hollow?

 

Here's the background: There's a major age difference between us. She's 19; I'm 29 and divorced. I love her with all my heart and soul but I can't take it anymore. We've been dating for over a year. Throughout the entire relationship she's been controlling, demanding, and immature, but I've always chalked it up to a phase -- I really thought that love would see us through. I really thought that she would eventually settle down, show me she loves me, and stop taking me for granted. Now I think our relationship is over. Both tonight and last night, for example, she said she would call me (last night) or come to my house (tonight), but each time, she stood me up. Each time she got home about midnight. Each time I was worried out of my skull about what might have happened to her. Each time when I expressed my concern she told me I was a) controlling for wanting to know where she was, b) an idiot, and c) an a**h***. For what it's worth, I *don't* think she's cheating on me. She's cheated on me in the past, but I believe her when she says she's not now. I just think she's being immature and what really hurts: she isn't even considering my feelings when she stands me up and doesn't even call. She always twists it around: "if I had called, you would have yelled at me for standing you up!" I've never yelled at her unless she was yelling at me first. It's a volatile relationship, I know. She's a volatile person. But I love her. Tonight I told her what I need from a relationship: someone I could count on, someone who cared about me enough to call me to let me know they were alive if they were going to be late or had to cancel on me. I told her I thought we both needed to take a few days to decide what we both want from a relationship. I wanted to marry her. Now I'm not so sure. If things are this bad now, what might they be like if we were married? All I want is for her to show me that she loves me as much as she says she does. I feel like I've ended the relationship. I feel so hollow. I've poured my heart and soul into this relationship for over a year. Is there a solution?