I broke NC 2day-dunno for gud or bad

[kitkat289]

Today I called him up and broke up 7day NC.Before calling him up I could resist my temptation and I know how to stop myself from missing him,its not that hard for me anymore.But there are two things that made me call him

1. I was afraid that he might get interested in his phone friend who calls him often and talks quite long.He tells me that he doenst like her blabbering so much but cannot avoid.But still I felt if we dont talk for so long we may get drifted apart and seeing so many people on LS,having moved on after NC of 2months,5months and so on I was really worried thinking that the distance will just increase this way.

2. I know he also misses me a lot and calling him would only look natural and wont irritate him since I've never been clingy.Before calling him I did stop myself realising that Iam the one who takes up this step always so I did nt give it a second thought.But then I dont know what happened I just dialled his number casually and wanted to see if it was busy and yes it was...(since its the time when the LAN in his hostel is disconnected and that su**er phone friend generally calls him at this time)

I didnt want to dial his number again but then I had an urge to checkout if it was still busy after 5min.I dialled and it rang....I dint know what to do and so he picked up and we talked.

 

I asked him how much he missed me and he said he did but not everyday and asked me the same.I said I missed him everyday (I didnt have to hide because he knows) and I know he lied saying that he didnt miss me every day this time.He asked me what time I was going to sleep and I said I was about to sleep.He told me he'll call me in the morning as he had to go out with friends(he wasnt lying or anything since he doesnt....I could hear his friends' voices from the back) I just asked him jokingly if he dated anyone and he got a little serious and said he didnt have time due to exams and now because of placements,he's too busy to think of anything! He was kind of yelling, as if assuring me to the best that he was not that kind of a guy.I asked "who was the girl you were talking to?". He said giggling, "You know she is the only one who calls me,who else would it be?" Like he was showing how much she irritates him.May be she really does since he had put the phone down when he saw me calling him.I told him that we should not talk and I was thinking of going like that for 2months.He said "You always think like that but you know it,we cannot do this for long...anyway lets see,we will talk about it tomorrow." I also asked him just out of curiosity"what if I didnt call you...ever" He said "I was about to call you.I was waiting for a good chance like my job placement to call you".I know he meant it because he breaks NC only when he cannot control anymore while I break it just casually,taking it very lightly and because I wont mind being called a 'loser' just by breaking NC.Then before saying goodbye, I said " I love you" and he said it too.

Then I messaged him "Call me when you get free.Missing you.."I dont know why I feel better to see that things are just like they were 1 week ago.I dont know if I lost or not but I feel better because my fear is gone now,I feel relieved.I was getting insecure every minute thinking that he might move on this time and I couldnt face it if it happened.I feel it doesnt matter much unless and until he's also there with me...just hung like that,atleast its a better situation than seeing the other person moved on after a long,long NC.

 

 

1 week ago, we had got really close and it felt like those days again,like we were committed to each other until I told him I didnt want to show my new pictures to him and also didnt want him to know my new email address.I felt like he was trying to have control on me like a bf again and that freaked me because he didnt want to give me 'commitment' when I had asked some weeks ago and so how could he expect such things from me.The thing that pissed him off is that I had showed my pictures to some of my other guy friends and didnt want to show them to him.He said "So you do have those wedding pictures...and you could show them to the entire world EXCEPT ME??" I told him that I had made this very clear so many days ago that he is not gong to see me and I will not even show him my pictures in future.And that was the end of our conversation and start of NC.

 

I want to be with him and with time I want his commitment again.I know this isnt impossible in my situation but I want to take each step cautiously.He is going to come down to my city in January for job and I hope from there on things will again be as good as they were when we met(once in every 2-3months in 2years of long distance relationship)