reboot Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Interesting, sounds like you are counting on him being more decent, him having more respect for you than you have for him.He's made it pretty clear that he believes that because their love is so shining and pure it far outweighs the destruction of a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 He's made it pretty clear that he believes that because their love is so shining and pure it far outweighs the destruction of a family. I don't think that's so RB.. I've opened myself up to this criticism, which is fine. I AM being honest with what is what TODAY.. I met a girl, yes she was married, I was told and convinced that she was on her way out, I did not want an affair. It took way too long, and YES, we got found out.. Now we are dealing with that, ME alone, them, who knows? WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?: Link to post Share on other sites
outoftheditch Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I have NOT soent time with he kids.. I have seen them, but not met them.. My son has met her.. Probably a mistake.. Just met her once or often? Link to post Share on other sites
outoftheditch Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I don't think that's so RB.. I've opened myself up to this criticism, which is fine. I AM being honest with what is what TODAY.. I met a girl, yes she was married, I was told and convinced that she was on her way out, I did not want an affair. It took way too long, and YES, we got found out.. Now we are dealing with that, ME alone, them, who knows? WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?: What can you do? I'd start with recommitting not to mess with their family anymore. No contact means no contact. I'd recommit, if not for anything else, than that H is a good guy who is being violated. The kids, who's future hang with some guy they have not met. I want suggest you get real help, and work through your emotions - but more importantly, focus on how you prioritize values. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?:All I can do is share my experiences and opinions. Not being a diety, I can't answer that question. Sorry. The only constructive thing I can say is, abide by the NC. She'll either come to you or she won't, and then you'll have your answer. You should put a time limit on how long you're willing to wait before moving on though (not to be shared with her obviously). Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Listen, we are all adults here. I will keep repeating, I guess, that I WILL stick to NC, day 6 now, it has to start somewhere. I realize that this is the END of this chapter. I DO NOT want the Affair back! RB, you are correct, she will either come, OR she won't. I hope she does, of course, and I realize there will be alot to deal with.. For me, after my self imposed time limit, I can go on, meet someone, whatever, BUT they will be left with this mess forever and that will haunt me, as it should..... OUTOFTHEDITCH: I am committed to NC, it is hard, but it is the ONLY was.. To be honest, I half expected to hear from her last night, BUT, I didnt, so when tomorrow passes, it'll bee a week of NC, and I will have a solid starting point an know that she too is committed to NC.. What I have to go on, is that she didnt tell me "goodbye", not even close. She told me to keep my chin up, it'll all be OK.. BUT, she has to do this without me.. (I know, so don't bother. I don't have a clue what will happen, as anything can happen) OOD, a few times they have met Link to post Share on other sites
outoftheditch Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 OOD, a few times they have met OK, if they only met a couple times (and I am assuming that there was not relationship implied when they met, right?), that shouldn't be much to have to explain later if your stars align and you end together. Would be a different story if you were lying to your children or, even worse, allowing them to know the whole saga. In any case, glad you see that as a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 OK, if they only met a couple times (and I am assuming that there was not relationship implied when they met, right?), that shouldn't be much to have to explain later if your stars align and you end together. Would be a different story if you were lying to your children or, even worse, allowing them to know the whole saga. In any case, glad you see that as a bad idea. My son doesnt know anything other that she is just a friend.. But it's been a long time since he's seen her.. It would be a bad idea, I agree... I think I'm really starting to GET IT.. I'm SO scared of starting to "dismantle" what I thought we "had" because I start to figure out what we "really had", A BIG FAT EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR Link to post Share on other sites
outoftheditch Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 My son doesnt know anything other that she is just a friend.. But it's been a long time since he's seen her.. It would be a bad idea, I agree... I think I'm really starting to GET IT.. I'm SO scared of starting to "dismantle" what I thought we "had" because I start to figure out what we "really had", A BIG FAT EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR Have to ask then, what does your son think about the pink room that you said you were preparing for her daughter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Have to ask then, what does your son think about the pink room that you said you were preparing for her daughter? he has a sister.. but she's away at college, and I'm divorced.. Again, it was just the "thought" of "preparing", that's all... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 I was flagged for saying THANKS, but I'm out for being a "bye bye" message. SORRY But I did want to say thank you, to all of you Link to post Share on other sites
addicted2love Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I was flagged for saying THANKS, but I'm out for being a "bye bye" message. SORRY But I did want to say thank you, to all of you HUH? I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 It is against LS rules to post a goodbye. He could have quietly slipped it in one of his posts that he needs time away from LS to clear his head, but to start a thread to say bye and thanks is something is a no-no. Link to post Share on other sites
addicted2love Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 It is against LS rules to post a goodbye. He could have quietly slipped it in one of his posts that he needs time away from LS to clear his head, but to start a thread to say bye and thanks is something is a no-no. saying goodbye is a no no? That makes no sense...why is that? It seems silly to me. I'm sure there's a reason but I sure don't know what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 saying goodbye is a no no? That makes no sense...why is that? It seems silly to me. I'm sure there's a reason but I sure don't know what it is. I think the Moderators don't want this site to turn into a personal chat room. They want to keep it focused on its original intent -- support and discussion for social relationships. It's not always easy for us Muggles to keep our objectivity in that regard... so they're helping us along. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Listen, we are all adults here. I will keep repeating, I guess, that I WILL stick to NC, day 6 now, it has to start somewhere. I realize that this is the END of this chapter. I DO NOT want the Affair back! stampdaddy I think that's a good place to be, even though I know it really hurts. Please don't worry about replying to everyone. When threads get long not everyone necessarily has read all the posts and knows where you're at, and it can get to the point where you're just repeating yourself and feeling very stressed! Anyway, I just wanted to say I (think I) see that you're taking a bit of a break from LS maybe? If that's the case, then I want to wish you good luck and hope you stick to the NC or whatever is needed to get you past this place. Don't do TOO much thinking, if possible... because it just goes round and round... (or is that just me??). Try to stick to a basic plan and not to second-guess yourself or her too much. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 stampdaddy I think that's a good place to be, even though I know it really hurts. Please don't worry about replying to everyone. When threads get long not everyone necessarily has read all the posts and knows where you're at, and it can get to the point where you're just repeating yourself and feeling very stressed! Anyway, I just wanted to say I (think I) see that you're taking a bit of a break from LS maybe? If that's the case, then I want to wish you good luck and hope you stick to the NC or whatever is needed to get you past this place. Don't do TOO much thinking, if possible... because it just goes round and round... (or is that just me??). Try to stick to a basic plan and not to second-guess yourself or her too much. Best wishes. Thanks Frannie.. I think your advice is wonderful, as I did find myself repeating/defending/explaining alot and started to become VERY depressed.. The not good type, but I think I'm back to reality.. And thank you for the advice on not thinking too much or second guessing.. ESPECIALLY HER.. She loves me, BUT, has very hard decisions to make, if they are not made for her.. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 For me, after my self imposed time limit, I can go on, meet someone, whatever, BUT they will be left with this mess forever and that will haunt me, as it should..... Stampdaddy, this may haunt you forever but when you heal, and you will, it will make you stronger and wiser.... (((HUGS))) Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Thanks Frannie.. I think your advice is wonderful, as I did find myself repeating/defending/explaining alot and started to become VERY depressed.. The not good type, but I think I'm back to reality.. And thank you for the advice on not thinking too much or second guessing.. ESPECIALLY HER.. She loves me, BUT, has very hard decisions to make, if they are not made for her.. Yeah I could tell... that's happened to me more than once on here, and it just makes you feel like not posting anything. Yes, your MW does have some very hard decisions to make, and I'm guessing they're going to take some time. I know it's really hard in NC because all you have are your own questions, which can't be answered and so keep rattling round your head. But the only thing to do is try not to dwell on it, and let the days, weeks and yes even months add up while you get on with your life. I went NC last year for months, and while I was NC I was coincidentally reading a novel (Villette), in which someone was in a similar situation of waiting for change in another... But what was said was this: time goes very differently for the person waiting for the change than for the person doing the changing... A day to you is an eternity of wondering and shifting emotions... while for her things move far more quickly. So I think the trick is to get things moving quickly for you too, by re-engaging with (the rest of your) life, your children, upcoming Christmas and plans for the New Year. I'm in a similar situation to you at the moment (similar, not exactly the same), and this is what I'm having to do too. Just forget about it. Whenever I find my mind wandering... bring it back to now, and to my own life and concerns. Otherwise you know, you end up writing those dreadful 'how is it going' emails that just put things back weeks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Yeah I could tell... that's happened to me more than once on here, and it just makes you feel like not posting anything. Yes, your MW does have some very hard decisions to make, and I'm guessing they're going to take some time. I know it's really hard in NC because all you have are your own questions, which can't be answered and so keep rattling round your head. But the only thing to do is try not to dwell on it, and let the days, weeks and yes even months add up while you get on with your life. I went NC last year for months, and while I was NC I was coincidentally reading a novel (Villette), in which someone was in a similar situation of waiting for change in another... But what was said was this: time goes very differently for the person waiting for the change than for the person doing the changing... A day to you is an eternity of wondering and shifting emotions... while for her things move far more quickly. So I think the trick is to get things moving quickly for you too, by re-engaging with (the rest of your) life, your children, upcoming Christmas and plans for the New Year. I'm in a similar situation to you at the moment (similar, not exactly the same), and this is what I'm having to do too. Just forget about it. Whenever I find my mind wandering... bring it back to now, and to my own life and concerns. Otherwise you know, you end up writing those dreadful 'how is it going' emails that just put things back weeks! The next few months are going to be an emotional rollercoaster for EVERYBODY in this.. On top of just the mess lie: HIS Bday in a week and half from now..Christmas (this will be VERY hard for both of us, as our last 3 Xmas's have been SO very special. Not to mention, last year she PROMISED me I wouldnt have another Xmas like this one. (didnt see it this was did I?) Also, she had packed ornaments in "separate boxes just in case..New Years - probably not a big deal, just spend it with the kidsMY Birthday in JanTHEIR Anniversary in Jan (which last year, HER and I were in Florida over THEIR Ann.) and HE knows thisHER Bday in FebSO, obviously ALOT coming up to worry about for ALL of us.... Link to post Share on other sites
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