Am I going about this the wrong way?

[Mustang1984]

Ok so heres the story. About a year and a half ago I got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship. Since then I have been trying online dating since I am busy and since I moved acros the country for my job. In the past year and a half I have tried match.com, eharmoney, yahoo, and craigslist. So far if you combine my rejections from all the sites it comes to slightly over 500. I have talked to maybe 20 girls and out of them dated 4 and none workd out. These seem like kinda crummy odds for a guy sending messages everyday if you ask me lol. I can't figure out why when I message these women I never get a responce and was looking for some advice.

 

I first thought, maybe I'm not really good looking so I posted a pic on hot or not for a few weeks to see what happned. I got an average score of 8.0. So obviously thats not the major problem I suppose.

 

When I message women I usually start off by saying that I liked their profile. I then talk about where I went to college and my field of work quick. I also mention that I recently moved to the area. I then tell anout my personality and likes/dislikes. Then I ask about her and interests she has in order to spark a conversation.

 

I must be doing something really wrong since no one responds to me. I have a high paying job and am very kind to people. My messages I send are always very polite.

 

Heres my theories as to why. I am only 5'8" , I have strawberry blonde hair , Not a body builder just average built. Or maybe online dating is just a bunch of crap where no one gets a fair chance and I need to get off the information super dating highway. I'd appreciate any SERIOUS constructive feedback. Thanks.

[oppath]

First, as a dude, if you get dates with 5% of the women you contact, that's not a bad success ratio for online dating.

 

A couple of things: don't talk so much about yourself. Mention specifically something you like about their profile. If they are expressive, comment on that, and find an activity you have in common. Briefly mention a hobby or something you like to do that can relate, and end the email.

 

Don't list your likes/dislikes/hobbies, don't talk about where you went to school, and do not mention you are recently new to the area (because that just screams serial dater who is lonely or not wanting a relationship right now).

 

If you have talked to 20 women and maybe dated 4, that's not horrible. that used to be my ratio. Now it is more like 1 in 2 I'll get a first date with, but only because I've been much more selective in my search. And I probably need to contact 10 women to get 1 response, even if it appears I have everything in common with a woman.

 

Also, only use online dating to supplement real life interactions. Join a coed sports league and take a photography class. Online is supplemental. This does two things...you meet people and make friends elsewhere, and you are doing interesting things to talk about to your prospective dates.

[tanbark813]

I agree with oppath. I tend to get about a 10% response rate and I'm 5'6" so you're better off there than me.

 

I typically comment on something they listed in their profile and try to make it clever/funny. And I always include at least one question pertaining to something they said in their profile.

 

Keep the initial message short and sweet.

[oppath]

Keep the initial message short and sweet.

 

Exactly. Two SHORT paragraphs. I think 3 sentences is too little -- because it's basically "I liked your profile, you seem adventurous. Have you ever kayaked for a week straight and had to pack your gear? Hope to learn more about you" -- and you need a bit more than that, but your email should not sound like an advertisement, like you are selling yourself. They can get that from your profile.

 

A craigslist ad...there, it pays to be EXPRESSIVE, not to rattle off your likes and dislikes. You basically need to tell a funny story. I've never done it, but on lonely night for entertainment I do read, I admit it, and the ones that catch my eye are usually funny and tell me little about the person's hobbies are job but a lot about their personality.