I think i'm finally ready to leave

[insanelyjelous]

Hi,

 

I've been a frequent visitor to LS for quite a while now and in the past few years i've posted about my so called relationship with my so called fiance, i've had most people telling me to just walk away but I never had the courage and the fact that we recently had a baby together just took away what little if any courage I had to start with.

But lately I have found myself questioning why he is with me and vice versa I love him to death but I think now I see that he doesn't love me in the way I need to be loved and he doesn't treat me the way I deserve to be treated....

 

I've talked to him about his behavior/actions towards me many times even up to 2 weeks ago and its like i'm talking to myself either i'm being insecure jelous (insert self esteem breaking term here) or he just ignores me! he doesn't ever flirt with me but flirts with every other women he knows sexually and non sexually, he has never complimented me through our entire 4 yr relationship but he is always telling other women how good they look in person, via myspace/facebook or text, when I asked him about this he just said he doesn't know why he doesn't compliment me!!WTF??!!

 

He meets up with exes and girl - friends for lunch, or at clubs and doesn't tell me, he doesn't think he should have to give me a daily report of his whereabouts! (er thats not what i'm asking for just the simple show of respect of telling me you went out with blah blah today will suffice) I only find out if I catch a whiff of something fishy and sniff it out on his phone or other media!

 

Yes I did the unthinkable and went through his phone today (why oh why) nothing especially incriminating, a few girls numbers that I know he never had before, one who he refers to as the big breasts who he had apparently arranged to meet up with a few weeks ago after work (that was never mentioned to me either) so went through his phonebill and her number appears on the bill quite a few times Hmmm.........

 

If someone truly loves you they will do everything in their power to not hurt you, they will make you feel like the most special person in the world and they will support you when you need them most,and I see now that i'm not getting this I don't think I ever will and even if I do it will be because I forced it!

 

Anyway i'm getting off subect now, I think i'm ready to end this relationship i've done nothing but think about it for the last few weeks but what do I do? how do I approach it? Do I sit him down and tell him that its over! what?

[norajane]

Yes, be honest, tell him that it's over and walk away. It's time. Be good to yourself as he isn't.

[LakesideDream]

Insane, I freely admit that as an old geezer I don't fully understand "facebook", youtube, and "social networks" very well. I also have a hard time with having a persons whole telephone history stored in their telephones.

 

What I do believe I understand is that if a man loves a woman he doesent do things purposely that will hurt his lady. Through thick, thin, happy, sad, I would do whatever I had to in order to protect my now ex from being hurt emotionally. In my case, that's part of being in love with a woman.

 

On the other hand, in the 7 years since D day I haven't had any problems saying no, or even breaking up with "girlfriends" when something untoward happened, or when it became obvious that the GF/BF "relationship" didn't have a future. I've never looked back, or had guilt over a break-up.

 

I suspect that if a man goes out of his way to hurt, or damage his wife/lover emotionally either to win an arguement or to gain an advantage. Walk carefully with this guy.

[lonelybird]

I suspect that if a man goes out of his way to hurt, or damage his wife/lover emotionally either to win an arguement or to gain an advantage. Walk carefully with this guy.

so true, I never understand why a man love a woman would hurt her. OP you have to be strong, don't addict to this kind of abusive behaviour

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

If someone truly loves you they will do everything in their power to not hurt you, they will make you feel like the most special person in the world and they will support you when you need them most

Glad to see you've finally realized all the things this guy clearly is NOT.

 

That's great that Mr. StudMuffin is constantly out cheating and getting women's numbers and possibly bringing you home a communicable disease - especially when you were pregnant. But the selfish a*sshole didn't care about that, did he? No, of course not. What a drooling idiot, trawling MySpace (Jesus, isn't that for teenagers?) and hitting on young ladies there and telling them how 'hot' they are. Grow the he*ll up for God's sakes.

 

This guy is a complete and utter LOSER from the word "go." It's going to be 18+ years chasing this waste of space for child support and trying to get him to man up to his responsibilities - don't be disappointed when he doesn't. And don't be too disappointed when he constantly has excuses as to why he doesn't want to visit his son. His type is so cliche it isn't even funny anymore.

 

Who cares how you tell the jerk-off you're leaving? Seriously, who cares? Do you honestly think he's deserving of compassion and respect? Don't kid yourself. Tell Peter Pan you're leaving and he'll hear from the state very soon with regard to his COMMITMENT to child support for the next umpteen years.

[truckdriving]

Its this kind of guy who gives all guys bad name. I suggest quietly doing the following; open a separete bank account if you dont have one already, finding another place to live, and research your options on getting child support. From what you've said he wont willing give it to you so you need to force him. This guys a selfish prick whos only out of himself. You dont need that in your life.

[insanelyjelous]

Thank you for your posts it really helps to reassure me that I am doing the right thing but I feel I must clarify one thing, he is a selfish prick but he does love his son and I know child support would never be an issue, he would never deny him anything and I'm almost 100% sure that he will make every effort to be in his sons life.

I had said that tonight was the night but i'm just so scared that he will make me change my mind, but i know i'm strong enough and I can do this on my own!

[confuseddd]

Let us know how it goes. The only way I would stay with him is if he were to go to marriage counseling IMMEDIATELY. That's the ONLY way. And then I'm not 100% sure. Good luck and keep us posted.