MartianChronicles Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 at the end of september, at a party, a friend of mine introduced me to her cousin. nice guy, smart, good looking though not exactly my kind. we talked for a while, had a good time, but i was still too much into my ex (who'd dumped me a month or so before), and actually believed the guy wasn't so interested in me. a few days later, this friend of mine calls me, saying her cousin had asked her for my mobile number, as he wanted to take me out to a dinner (it would be me, him and other friends of his). since that night, the guy and i start going out on quite a regular basis, once or twice a week. he's always nice, we have a great time together, laugh a lot, talk a lot, he always pays for me when we go out for dinner and stuff... still i'm a bit perplexed, as we hardly ever get into physical contact. no kissing, no hugs, no hand-in-hand stuff, which was ok to me, as i'd grown rather wary of physical contact since my break up in august. up to this day now. me and the guy are still "dating". we see each other almost every day. we either go out for dinner or a movie 3-4 times a week. sometimes he comes to my place and we play videogames, watch movies, or just lay on my bed and listen to music. sometimes he just comes and sees me when i'm in office (i am a lawyer) things have changed a bit on the physical side, though. we may be alone or in public places (cinema, pub, restaurant, whatever), he holds my hand, hugs me, rubs my back, touches my hair, my face... no sex, though. no snogging. nada. no need to say i'm a bit confused. we talk a lot about sex, amongst other things. he's told me almost everything about his ex (whom he broke with a year ago) and some girl who's been after him. i've told him about my break up and the pain it caused me. my friends/colleagues say he looks so much into me, but... he says it's not sex he wants. he wants a girlfriend i don't say a thing. he says: i know you want to sh*g me (insert his laugh here), but i don't want to be one amongst the many men you have had (insert another laugh) i say: ok. so, now, please, take your fu**ing hand off my butt. he laughs some more and holds me, and i pretend i'm annoyed it looks like a big funny game, doesn't it? well you know, after the painful 2007 i had, i'm not so much in the mood for games like these, and i'm getting too old besides (i'm 34, the guy is 37). most of all, i'm scared of getting too much involved with him and be disappointed again later. so now, what do i do? do i keep him at arms distance, trying not to get involved with him? do i tell him we'd better slow down and not see each other every day? do i just go on and dodge when he tries to touch me? uhm.. ideas/suggestions/two cents, anybody?
polywog Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 How's about just asking him what he wants, and saying what you want? First, figure out what you want from him, though. Maybe he is just really attracted to you but afraid to be a rebound, and wants to take it slow... is waiting from cues from you about the physical relationship. Sounds like he's been hurt before and is just being careful of his heart etc., maybe. Won't know until you have an honest discussion.
Author MartianChronicles Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 i did, mate, and he said he doesn't want sex. he wants a girlfriend, a relationship and all that stuff, and that is alright with me, i'm not in the mood for sex or fwb anymore now. but he must be somehow convinced i'm still into my ex bf (and i can tell you i'm not), or that i'm not ready for commitment.
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