A set-up, or failed test?

[scared007]

My bf of almost 2 years cheated on me in the past. His "OW" told me they'd had an agreement to call each other private, each dialing *67 to block their caller ID from displaying on the other's phone.

 

He told me he wanted nothing more to do with her. That he wanted a committed, monogamous relationship with me. We're even talking about moving in together.

 

He's mentioned a couple times in the last couple months, that "private numbers" have called him, but he's not answering for fear it's her. And he doesn't want to talk to her.

 

Well, from time to time, I call him private, just to see if he'll answer. He never has...until today...he answered his phone today...twice...I was calling private.

 

Did I set him up, or was my test justified? To me it says he's talking to her again. What do you think?

[Suny1]

Its the exact way MM & I got busted!

We had ALOT of *in plan minutes so that showed up on the cell bill.

I asked him what he was going to tell her... he said... "I don't think she will believe there were telemarketers calling that much... so I will deal with that if it comes"

Well it came! He had to tell her the truth because she had already hacked into his email and read my emails.

I am going to go with a YES he most likely is still talking to her.

[starlite]

I'd say yes, he is still talking to her.

 

Also, the trust is broken already...whats the point in continuing. If the jerk is already cheating before you are married....it is a HUGE RED FLAG. The biggest red flag you will ever get.

[polywog]

Put yourself in his shoes. He's been getting these private calls, and it would take a saint to resist picking up, don't you think? Just out of curiosity, not desire? I know that if I was in his shoes, I'd have a hard time resisting, and it would Not mean that I wanted to reconcile with my ex. Wanting to talk to an ex is not a sin.... It's human nature, though messy. And Not a desire to reconcile or reject the new love. Just, well, testing. We all do this sort of thing, or at least I have. Again, it is part of human nature, and even a part of moving on, counterintuitive as that sounds.

 

And you, your impulse to test this stuff is just as human, and I'd do the same, I'm sure. Just see it for what it is, and let it go for the time being. Just focus on who he is to YOU. NOW. The past is the past, but it does bleed into the now, that just seems to be how it is, don't you think?

 

Give the guy the benefit of the doubt, despite all this. My 2 cents.

[scared007]

Thanks for the responses.

 

The trust is gone. I struggle with wanting it to work so badly, yet not trusting.

 

As far as the temptation of a private # calling, I could accept that it would take a saint to not answer...except this OW happens to be his ex-wife and has put me through hell. I could accept that it would take a saint to not answer if he hadn't already told me months ago that he had a difficult time in just hanging up on her. So why take the chance and answer.

 

I could accept it if this hadn't been the way it works...she causes all kinds of disruptions with allegations and interference, then she disappears for a while because he puts her in the past, then she resurfaces and causes all kinds of hell again because he allows it.

 

I sooo don't want to jump to conclusions.

[LakesideDream]

When the cel (my only phone) rings, I never look at the screen I just flip it open. Heck, if I'm not wearing my reading glasses I couldn't read the screen!

 

Trying to look at the screen while driving... is life threatening. At the least it's a nuisence.

 

That being said, if you don't trust the guy, move on. You are in a BF/GF relationship. No marriage to dissolve in divorce, no messy property settlements, no impediments to just starting a new life.

 

If you are "testing" him, it's twice as obvious that you have no "realtionship", you are just living/sleeping together. End it.

[scared007]

LS, you don't think it's "normal" or expected that a person who has been hurt throw a few tests out there? If it's not normal, then I guess my gut has just been trying to tell me something.

 

As far as him failing to screen his calls and just immediately answering, he never just answers. He ALWAYS checks the caller ID.

 

I "should" immediately end this. I don't trust him. Easier said than done.

[LakesideDream]

Sure "ending it" is easier said than done. However, realize that the lack of trust you have in the man, which is probably deserved will eventually lead to more heartbreak tomorrow than it will cause today.

 

You are the master of your life, be sure you are ready to live with the decisions you decide not to make.

 

Good Luck.

[zilverenvlinder]

Dude. PM me with his phone number, and I'LL give the bastard a private call. Hehehe. If he says I sound different, I'll say I have a cold.

 

I swear to god I'll do it, I hate cheating men so much right now. Just to help a sister out. I just need some more information and I'll do it for you. F*%&ing-a.