fral945 Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 Hi everyone, I have a question I'm not sure how to answer. I would say I am agnostic about God and religion (I just don't know). I'm not particularly pro or anti religion, just indifferent about it. For those of you that are agnostic or atheist and are married, why did you get married? Obviously, if you're religious, I can understand. But are there good non-religious reasons for it? I am unmarried, and I would think a long term relationship w/o marriage would be fine. I surely don't see many practical reasons to do it, and I see much more to lose and not much to gain from it. Would appreciate any of your thoughts. Thanks, fral945 Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 I'm a Christian so I can't speak for certain for the non-religious. But now that you've mentioned it, I would venture to say that couples want to express their level of commitment to each other, and marriage is a societal way of doing just that. I've also wondered if there also could be financial reasoning incorporated with some non-religious marriages....? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 My fiance and I are both atheists, but we are getting married in 2009. We are not having a religious ceremony, we are getting married under a tree in a garden by a registered marriage celebrant. The reasons are, in order of importance: We still want to make a commitment to each other in front of our loved ones- this has nothing to do with religion, its about making a public statement that we will stick together. We want to have children, and both would prefer to be married for their sakes, this is quite and old fashioned view, but thats how we feel about it, and we know that secretly our parents are thrilled. We want an excuse to have a party! (Not as shallow as it sounds, truly. What a great excuse to get all your nearest and dearest together). Link to post Share on other sites
Author fral945 Posted December 6, 2007 Author Share Posted December 6, 2007 The reasons are, in order of importance: We still want to make a commitment to each other in front of our loved ones- this has nothing to do with religion, its about making a public statement that we will stick together. We want to have children, and both would prefer to be married for their sakes, this is quite and old fashioned view, but thats how we feel about it, and we know that secretly our parents are thrilled.) I understand where you are coming from regarding the public commitment. I've thought about that myself. It is also one of the few times in your life that you'll have most of your family and friends together (the other being funerals). And regarding the children, I'm not sure that would matter to me, but I think that is probably a minority view and most people would agree with your view. I was raised in a religious home (mom Presbyterian and dad Catholic) and went to Catholic grade school. My parents are both religious and still married. I haven't talked with them about it (because I've never really been close to being married or having kids) but I don't think they would agree with me (my mom more so than my dad). Link to post Share on other sites
alterego1234 Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 I am religious but from a non-religious point of view there are a number of benefits (and risks) that by law accrue to married couples automatically by virtue of being married: 1. Can file taxes jointly...can result in tax savings depending on the couple. 2. Can be involved in health care decisions (pulling the plug or whatever). 3. Can inherit from each other without limit Lots of others I can't think of now...probably just read the gay marriage arguments and that would point out others... A downside of marriage is, in the case of divorce, and depending on which state you live in, half of your assets can walk out the door without your consent. ae Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 I want to be married, I want to call my fiance my husband, I want to make a legally binding commitment to him. I want to be with him for a long long time. My parents have been married over 30 years, and neither are particularly religious. If I have a marriage like theirs, I will be very happy. I am not sure if financially we will be any better off than we are now, because we already share most of our money and expenses. Even though I don't believe in God, I still think that marriage is good for people. I still have many values that a Christian could call "christian", but to me they are just good rules to live your life by. I am "borrowing" some of them if thats OK. Link to post Share on other sites
disgracian Posted December 6, 2007 Share Posted December 6, 2007 That's okay sb129, Christianity borrowed them all from various places to begin with. As sagely noted in Ecclesiastes, "there is nothing new under the sun!" I married for love, and as a sign (both public and private) that I intend to share the rest of my life with one person. Cheers, D. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Basically for commitment and starting a family. I'm atheist so my marriage will definately not be in churches nor will I be wearing dress (I'm gonna go with jeans and sneakers) and no I don't want any ring (I don't like jewels that much) Link to post Share on other sites
disgracian Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 I was originally going to have a backyard BBQ wedding. I was going to wear a BBQ apron with a tuxedo painted on it. Then reality set in and my wife decided to get married in a garden sanctuary. Overall she made the right decision, but my idea still would have been fun. And cheaper. Cheers, D. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 I was originally going to have a backyard BBQ wedding. I was going to wear a BBQ apron with a tuxedo painted on it. Then reality set in and my wife decided to get married in a garden sanctuary. Overall she made the right decision, but my idea still would have been fun. And cheaper. Cheers, D. Sounds like our wedding plans..... original plan was a beach with no shoes, but my parents are paying and want something a little more traditional, so we have upgraded to a country house and its gardens. Going to look at a dress today.... Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I am an atheist and am getting married in March. The only reason I'm getting married is because of pressure from her parents. She is unable to say "no" because of cultural upbringing. There are no practical benefits to getting married in my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
SidCaesar Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 #1 reason for me would be because it establishes a legal bond between you and your spouse, i.e. she has power over you if you're injured, if you died it would be certain that she and the kids would inherit your stuff, etc. But I agree that without the religion aspect, the real "appeal" of marriage drops. If you're not beholden to Jeebus, what is marriage going to give you that a devoted relationship that is a marriage in all but name and legal sanction won't? Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Because they want to be belonged to something? Link to post Share on other sites
Zona76 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 LOVE Compatibility, mutual interests, commonalities... I am what I would refer to as a non practicing Christian... married to an atheist/semi agnostic. He's changing but slowly. As long as there's no pressure. If we'd lived closer we probably wouldn't have married. But he was of anther country. And living together was only possible through immigration through marriage. It is a very wonderful relationship. We understand each other. I respect his choices and he respects mine. But most of all the reason should be Love. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona76 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I surely don't see many practical reasons to do it, and I see much more to lose and not much to gain from it. Would appreciate any of your thoughts. [fral945;1437152] I think I can best say that marriage is a sense of belonging. A dedicated commitment. A promise. If you don't love this deeply then you aren't willing to take the chance. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Hi everyone, I have a question I'm not sure how to answer. I would say I am agnostic about God and religion (I just don't know). I'm not particularly pro or anti religion, just indifferent about it. For those of you that are agnostic or atheist and are married, why did you get married? Obviously, if you're religious, I can understand. But are there good non-religious reasons for it? I am unmarried, and I would think a long term relationship w/o marriage would be fine. I surely don't see many practical reasons to do it, and I see much more to lose and not much to gain from it. Would appreciate any of your thoughts. Thanks, fral945 My sister and her reluctant fiancé are both agnostic. He now has cold feet and refuses to set a date for the wedding yet she feels there is a sense of security, love, and devotion that comes with a marriage license. It is like proclaiming formally that they are committed to one another. It is not likely they will have kids. She is 40 and he never wanted any, so for them marriage is not a license for child-rearing. There is also the tqax bennies, the medical insurance and other benefits to being married. Ever hear of a time-share commercial that welcomes singles? Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Romantic side of marriage: love, faith, commitment, sense of belonging... realistic side of marriage: some benefits--such as training to be patience, learn to sacrifice and learn to get out selfish shell, learn to honor others even they make mistakes. basically those successful couples seems like heros to me marriage must be a mixture of these things Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Romantic side of marriage: love, faith, commitment, sense of belonging... realistic side of marriage: some benefits--such as training to be patience, learn to sacrifice and learn to get out selfish shell, learn to honor others even they make mistakes. basically those successful couples seems like heros to me marriage must be a mixture of these things I agree Lonelybird. And you can have a successful marriage that has all these things either with OR without religion as a part of it. I am willing to put the work in, I can't wait to be Wonderboys wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Romantic side of marriage: love, faith, commitment, sense of belonging... realistic side of marriage: some benefits--such as training to be patience, learn to sacrifice and learn to get out selfish shell, learn to honor others even they make mistakes. basically those successful couples seems like heros to me marriage must be a mixture of these things Practical side -- the many "benefits" that come in terms of government taxes, the rights of succession, by-law rights of inheritance, hospital visitation and decision-making. I believe there are several hundred enumerated rights under law that attend marriage. Vows taken don't have to be religiously based, just meant and believed. Link to post Share on other sites
kkthxbye Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 My H and I are not religious. We tried different paths over the years, but never found one that we felt comfortable with. Spiritually? We are called Gypsies in our little circle of friends. When we decided after our courtship to tie the knot, it was for old fashioned reasons. Signing the state's legal marriage document was for the reasons stated, taxes, insurance, for a little ease in today's society. The reason we had a wedding was for the sheer enjoyment of making it known to the world "so to speak" that we are joined together in harmony. We had a renaissance wedding we created from scratch ourselves. Right before Halloween, complete with attire that all the guests and attendants wore. It was a great party, and two other friends of ours did it the same way for their union, and those parties were better than ours! It was sheer fun and joy, and a chance to see our family and friends in merriment. We have Christian friends and family who gave us their blessings and prayers, we had a non denominational ordained minister unite us legally, and our Wiccan friends closed the circle around us while we wedded outside to give us protection and blessings. We're romantics, and enjoy the wistful dancing and feasting, and always have that memory to recall. For us, the wedding itself was part of our private fairytale. Link to post Share on other sites
disgracian Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 That sounds like one of the best weddings ever. Cheers, D. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 My H and I are not religious. We tried different paths over the years, but never found one that we felt comfortable with. Spiritually? We are called Gypsies in our little circle of friends. When we decided after our courtship to tie the knot, it was for old fashioned reasons. Signing the state's legal marriage document was for the reasons stated, taxes, insurance, for a little ease in today's society. The reason we had a wedding was for the sheer enjoyment of making it known to the world "so to speak" that we are joined together in harmony. We had a renaissance wedding we created from scratch ourselves. Right before Halloween, complete with attire that all the guests and attendants wore. It was a great party, and two other friends of ours did it the same way for their union, and those parties were better than ours! It was sheer fun and joy, and a chance to see our family and friends in merriment. We have Christian friends and family who gave us their blessings and prayers, we had a non denominational ordained minister unite us legally, and our Wiccan friends closed the circle around us while we wedded outside to give us protection and blessings. We're romantics, and enjoy the wistful dancing and feasting, and always have that memory to recall. For us, the wedding itself was part of our private fairytale. That was a great little story and your wedding sounds wonderful:) Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 A few of the benefits I noticed: Engagement party, bachelor/ette party, wedding reception with gifts, joint tax returns, lowered insurance premiums, loan applications, less confusing for your kids... Probably missing a few... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts