Do I have a chance?

[sevendaysoflonely]

My bf broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago, we've been together for 5 months. ( Might not sound like a lot compared to those who've been going out for years, but of course to me it's still special regardless.)

 

It was totally out of the blue for me, and I thought everything was going okay. We hardly argued. There was no cheating, no lies, nothing. It's just that maybe 2-3 weeks before we broke up he's been real stressed at work and every time I'd want to hang out he wouldn't really feel up for it, or we'd talk and he'd get pissed off because apparently I was pushing his limits. Whatever it was, I was hoping it would pass and we even went out of town for a weekend together. Everything was great (or so it seemed to me), we came back and spent a day together. A few days later he ended it, saying there was no more spark to it. He had hoped it was because he was stressed at work, hoping the trip would help.

 

I was really upset and cried when he broke it off. The next day I texted him with some angry msgs saying how much he hurt me, etc. He didn't respond. I texted him a week later apologizing, he said no hard feelings.

 

It's been 10 days since then, he's never initiated any contact. I've been trying really hard not to call/text/anything. And I haven't so far.

 

So my question really is...

- He couldn't articulate why the spark was gone. I've been trying so hard to find out why. Was it because I was too clingy? Too into him? Too confrontational? He claims I did nothing wrong and he liked me but it just wasn't enough. Is it okay to call, break NC, see if I could ever figure out why so he knows I want to try to make it work?

 

- We don't have mutual friends, we would never see each other otherwise if we didn't set a time and place. So how would I ever still stay in his life for a second chance without pushing him away??

 

I've been trying to talk to other guys but nobody compares, and can "click" with me the way I did with him. I feel like if I didn't try, he'd be lost forever. At the same time I realize he was the one who initiated the break-up and I can't force him to come running back....

 

Any advice on what I can do? Besides the usual, "Move on, forget him, work out, find a hobby, etc..."

 

I plan to call and meet up with him in a month after I've given him time away from me (No contact)...

 

At that time, should I

a) just act as a friend, don't mention anything about the relationship, see if he shows any signs of wanting to get back together? Since a lot of people say that your ex would never want you back if you don't look happy and desperate...?

 

OR

 

b) straight-up ask him if he thinks we still have a chance? If there's anything we could work on?

 

I still want to be with him and I miss him a lot...

[oasis]

I can relate to this situation. Your relationship sounds almost the same as mine. We hardly any arguments. Only a couple of disagreements. It is what I would classified as a "good relationship". And then he simply disappeared on me. Not a word of explanation. This happens after dating for almost 3 months. That was over 4 months ago. Thank God that I am over him.

 

I cannot for the life of me, fathom this kind of behavior. Someone making love with you one day and leaving you the next, without any explanation that seems justifiable. It is one of the most cold and callous act that I have ever experienced. It is akin to having your throat slit.

 

I was never able to figure out the reason for mine, but if I had to take an educated guess, it all comes down to them meeting someone else and felt that they must make a decision and they end up choosing the "new" woman.

 

I wish that there is something that I can tell you to make you feel better, but you just have to ride it out as there is nothing you can do at this stage to change anything.

 

Contacting him, will not cast you in a good light. It will project neediness and that is never attractive. Talk to your friends, read books and keep posting on this and other forums. That is what I did.

 

As far as the ex is concerned, even if it kills you, maintain a "stiff upper lip".

 

Best wishes

[thelegend]

I'm sorry baby but he left you for another woman. How long has it been since his last relationship? If it hasn't been long it's an ex he's going back to. You shouldn't try to talk to him as he is not trying to talk to you at this point. You're going to have to put yourself back together again and be happy for yourself. As far as other guys not clicking in time they will. You just have to get him out of your system. I'm sorry.

[sevendaysoflonely]

I specifically asked him when we broke up if there was someone else and he said no.

 

Also he doesn't seem like the type who would. Although you never know people could always lie...

 

He also said there just was no spark and he could've kept it going but he'd just become more and more fake...

 

It doesn't seem like he met someone else??

[sevendaysoflonely]

Also, his last ex was 1-2 years ago so I don't think it was an ex.

 

I believe him and I don't think it was someone else...

[thelegend]

Guys just don't up and leave because the spark is gone. He left because there is someone you don't know about in his ear telling him what he wants to hear.

[Rowen]

Il have to agree that it is infact another person in volved.

 

This sounds familiar to me.

 

I remember telling my ex at the beggining of our relationship that the one thing that pushed me over the edge was someone trying to make me jealous. Well looking back, that was the biggest mistake telling her. Our relationship was amazing, then she called one night to say she "almost" went out with some guy she used to work with and I was drunk and flipped out, this triggered our whole event.

 

I mean she has her reason therem but I feel she needed to find it, and she remembered my one button and she pushed it hard!!!

 

We got back together for a week, and all seemed great, and she changed her mind again randomly.

 

I feel she was very conflicted of who to choose ( i dont know who she was choosing) but she felt maybe a bit more for the other person, so she created an event to make me mad in order to ease her choice.

 

It makes me cry thinking about it....... beucase i told her it was my weakness, and she used it and me to dump me.

 

Anyway..... either way someone breaks up with you, it's heart break. I'm still searching for the "correct" answers and I was told why we broke up.

[sevendaysoflonely]

I'm just curious why you guys are so certain that he had found someone else?

[thelegend]

Well my ex used the same crap. Using any possible excuse to leave when the worse was way behind us. It's sad but they never admit it's someone else. I'd rather hear the truth that it's another person other than having me questioning everything about myself.