Let's be honest

[whichwayisup]

OM tend to be nice guys that believe most women are being mistreated by men so they fall for a cheating woman's sob story.

 

Wog, most of the OW here believe the SOB story their MM's have told them about the wife being awful too...This isn't gender specific - This is the big golden LIE that most MM/MW put out there during the affair....

[a4a]

Again there are exceptions but it is generally a different experience.

 

OW believe all the crap that a married player feeds them and they are hooked. They start out dating a married man because they feel it is a safe way to have male companionship without the extra commitment but they quicky fall in love because cheating men are very slick and know how to play with a woman's emotions.

 

OM tend to be nice guys that believe most women are being mistreated by men so they fall for a cheating woman's sob story. They meet these women who complain about their husbands and they fall for her whining when in reality their husband is probably a good man who has no clue his wife is two timer. Stampdaddy is a typical rescuer who believes this woman's sob story.

 

LMAO!!

 

So how many (OW) women rescue cheating men from their self professed sexless marriages, mean mean wives, loveless marriages...... they are saving these poor married cheating men too... OW are saviors too!

 

Woggle Logic ....... amazing.

[Woggle]

Wog, most of the OW here believe the SOB story their MM's have told them about the wife being awful too...This isn't gender specific - This is the big golden LIE that most MM/MW put out there during the affair....

 

I guess this is true but I do see a difference in the motivations of OM vs OW.

[stampdaddy]

Stampdaddy can you turn on your PM's?

 

what is a PM? Private Message?

[stampdaddy]

Wog, I'm sure he knows this and coming to LS will open up his eyes eventually and he'll do more reading, see that his situation, his MW isn't so different than any other MM and what he feels isn't much different than any OW on here. Give the guy time, all this is new to him and he's only just begun to figure things out - Day 4 of NC, well, that's a start.

 

 

Do i just quit? Today, just quit, is she NOT coming? Have I been used all of this time? Is there NO TRUTH?? No hope, no chance, no fate? Do I just say "Screw it, she's a lying, dirty, cheating no good person?"

 

OR, do I have HOPE?

[Woggle]

LMAO!!

 

So how many (OW) women rescue cheating men from their self professed sexless marriages, mean mean wives, loveless marriages...... they are saving these poor married cheating men too... OW are saviors too!

 

Woggle Logic ....... amazing.

 

OW for the most part are very much in it for selfish reasons. I don't expect most OM to get bored within the first year.

[a4a]

I guess this is true but I do see a difference in the motivations of OM vs OW.

 

you only see it the way you choose to see it.... the way you are conditioned to see it.

 

The motive is to be with the person they think they want to be with regardless of consquences or suffering to any or all parties, including themselves. That simple.

[reboot]

Do i just quit? Today, just quit, is she NOT coming? Have I been used all of this time? Is there NO TRUTH?? No hope, no chance, no fate? Do I just say "Screw it, she's a lying, dirty, cheating no good person?"

 

OR, do I have HOPE?

Sure, go ahead and hope. If you don't mind having your heart ripped out through your butt, go ahead and hope.

 

Think about it. 3 1/2 years. You've been played by her for 3 1/2 years. Repeat that number to yourself a few times. Lots of marriages don't last that long.

[LifesontheUp]

Do i just quit? Today, just quit, is she NOT coming? Have I been used all of this time? Is there NO TRUTH?? No hope, no chance, no fate? Do I just say "Screw it, she's a lying, dirty, cheating no good person?"

 

OR, do I have HOPE?

 

I feel for you, I really do. But how long are you willing to hope that she will come to you?

[stampdaddy]

I feel for you, I really do. But how long are you willing to hope that she will come to you?

 

I DON"T KNOW..........

[whichwayisup]

Do i just quit? Today, just quit, is she NOT coming? Have I been used all of this time? Is there NO TRUTH?? No hope, no chance, no fate? Do I just say "Screw it, she's a lying, dirty, cheating no good person?"

 

OR, do I have HOPE?

 

Look, she isn't being 'malcious' in the sense of 'using' you, but yes, she is using you for selfish reasons. She obviously has some feelings for you otherwise this wouldn't be happening in the first place, right? As you say, it isn't just about sex, it's more. The problem here is she is married and MOST married people don't end their marriages for someone else. If they do, it happens really quickly as they just 'know' the other person is better suited for them and they take the chance...They don't take 3 1/2 years to decide. A MM or MW who truely wants to be with the OW/OM WILL just do it, get the divorce and deal with the consquences later.

[a4a]

TRUE WWIU.

 

If she really wanted you..... she would be with you now.

 

Break it off for a couple of months.... total NC. She will move on once you are not so easily reached.

[underpants]

Do i just quit? Today, just quit, is she NOT coming? Have I been used all of this time? Is there NO TRUTH?? No hope, no chance, no fate? Do I just say "Screw it, she's a lying, dirty, cheating no good person?"

 

OR, do I have HOPE?

 

The thing is.

 

For argument sake, lets say she does leave her marriage and comes to you.

 

Somewhere you would have to wonder (eventually) who is taking your place?

 

You are only as "used" as you allow yourself to be. Take a break from this damaging drama and focus on you. With some time away you might decide that you want more for yourself. With a little more time and distance you might find a genuine girl that can provide that for you. She does not sound capable of such (for whatever her issues are).

[whichwayisup]

Break it off for a couple of months.... total NC. She will move on once you are not so easily reached.

 

Yup. It will force her to either fix her marriage, or end it. The way things stand now, nothing will change as she has you both in her life. Again, not from a malcious point, but from a selfish and self serving point - Having two men meeting all her needs, giving one man up or having to choose to give one man up won't happen unless she's forced to. Hense YOU making the choice - Not to punish her, but so YOU won't suffer and have this rollercoaster ride happening to you 24/7.

[addicted2love]

Do i just quit? Today, just quit, is she NOT coming? Have I been used all of this time? Is there NO TRUTH?? No hope, no chance, no fate? Do I just say "Screw it, she's a lying, dirty, cheating no good person?"

 

OR, do I have HOPE?

 

Stampdaddy...Pm's are private messages...yours aren't enabled yet as you haven't posted enough.

 

I know you are hurting, I understand that you are seeking advice from people who have been where you are. However NONE OF US know your MW personally. We've never met her, we don't know what the "good times" were like for the two of you vs. the now "bad times".

 

We can only state our opinions. YOU are the only one who can decided if you've been used or done wrong. Often times people will make general statements that your MW can't possibly be a good person because she's a liar and a cheat. Only you know if that is true or not. A situation does not define who we are inside. She could quite possibly be torn between love for you and obligation at home. We can only guess what the situation truly is.

 

Also you are the only one who has control over how you feel about it and what you do about it. Do not look for specific answers from strangers as they haven't walked a mile in your shoes.

 

Some of us have been in similar situations and can tell you what we've experienced but you will unfortunately find that the "real" OP here will no longer post their situations for fear of being judged and or flamed for thier "lack of morals." The best advice I can give you is to be very careful about how much you put out there for all to read. Right now it seems that everyone is on your side and would like to offer you comfort and support because you are at a crossroads of ending your A. But that can quickly change as your sitution changes. Notice that no one is telling you to hang in there, if you truly love each other things will work out. You are only being told that you're being used by a manipulative, lying "cheater".

 

Meaning if you and MW decide to keep going because you truly love each other. You will no longer get the "support" you've been getting. Just be carefull. So many of us OP have put our feelings and thoughts out there when we were vulnerable and in need of support. Then thinking we've found a safe place to vent and get good advice along come those who would love nothing more than to tear you down more for the choices you've made out of love for another human being.

 

I'm sure I will get flamed for this which is why I wanted to PM you. Just be carefull how much information you post here. I stopped posting details about my situation a while ago and there are many many others in our situation that have stopped posting as well.

 

A2L

[stampdaddy]

Look, she isn't being 'malcious' in the sense of 'using' you, but yes, she is using you for selfish reasons. She obviously has some feelings for you otherwise this wouldn't be happening in the first place, right? As you say, it isn't just about sex, it's more. The problem here is she is married and MOST married people don't end their marriages for someone else. If they do, it happens really quickly as they just 'know' the other person is better suited for them and they take the chance...They don't take 3 1/2 years to decide. A MM or MW who truely wants to be with the OW/OM WILL just do it, get the divorce and deal with the consquences later.

 

Why is it so hard for me to NOT believe that:

A) for 3 1/2 years she HASNT had to "run into the fire" because I wasnt "pushing" her, and neither was the husband.. he went without sex for almost 3 years, no dates, no wife...

B) now that we are busted (again, in July, so 5 months ago) and she hasnt "ended" it with me, and she says that she is letting some "time" pass by (and also getting through the Holidays, Bdays, etc) before she can say, "see, it isnt working and the OM is not in the picture"

 

I know I can drive myself crazy with all of this, and at some point I have to say, "she's not here, she's not coming, she will be selfless and stay in the M for the kids and YES, SHE WILL MISS ME, SHE SHOULD!!!!!"

[reboot]

addicted2love, the fact that this has been going on for 3 1/2 years should inspire any of us to offer him hope for the relationship why?

[whichwayisup]

A2L, not all the advice given is going to go that way and honestly, he's a grown up and can decide on his own what advice he may take into consideration and what advice he can ignore.

 

This man is in PAIN and is suffering, so holding his hand and telling him, yes, wait another 3.5 years for your MW to divorce isn't going to help him!

 

He's been given some harsh advice, but most of it has been good advice.

[whichwayisup]

deleted, post came up twice.

[whichwayisup]

Why is it so hard for me to NOT believe that:

A) for 3 1/2 years she HASNT had to "run into the fire" because I wasnt "pushing" her, and neither was the husband.. he went without sex for almost 3 years, no dates, no wife...

B) now that we are busted (again, in July, so 5 months ago) and she hasnt "ended" it with me, and she says that she is letting some "time" pass by (and also getting through the Holidays, Bdays, etc) before she can say, "see, it isnt working and the OM is not in the picture"

 

I know I can drive myself crazy with all of this, and at some point I have to say, "she's not here, she's not coming, she will be selfless and stay in the M for the kids and YES, SHE WILL MISS ME, SHE SHOULD!!!!!"

 

Then put a time limit on it. Ofcourse right now she isn't going to end her marriage right before the holidays as she can't do that to the kids.

 

You can't see straight because you are in the midst of things and your emotions are clouding any other perspective, even taking a step back, taking the blinders off and seeing things from a different angle will be hard for you because your emotions and heart won't allow you to do so. That is why during NC, you use that time for you so you can detach day by day and focus on the facts, actions and things that are NOT happening, even if she is saying it WILL happen.

[a4a]

Why is it so hard for me to NOT believe that:

A) for 3 1/2 years she HASNT had to "run into the fire" because I wasnt "pushing" her, and neither was the husband.. he went without sex for almost 3 years, no dates, no wife...

B) now that we are busted (again, in July, so 5 months ago) and she hasnt "ended" it with me, and she says that she is letting some "time" pass by (and also getting through the Holidays, Bdays, etc) before she can say, "see, it isnt working and the OM is not in the picture"

 

I know I can drive myself crazy with all of this, and at some point I have to say, "she's not here, she's not coming, she will be selfless and stay in the M for the kids and YES, SHE WILL MISS ME, SHE SHOULD!!!!!"

 

if she was so selfless she wouldn't have carried on like this for this long.

 

She is a victim? No.

She is making choices that have consquences for herself, you, her kids, and her husband. She is in control of those choices. How it effects her kids, you, and her husband..... well those are not choices most parties involved made.

But you can make a choice.

[reboot]

Why is it so hard for me to NOT believe that:

A) for 3 1/2 years she HASNT had to "run into the fire" because I wasnt "pushing" her, and neither was the husband.. he went without sex for almost 3 years, no dates, no wife...

B) now that we are busted (again, in July, so 5 months ago) and she hasnt "ended" it with me, and she says that she is letting some "time" pass by (and also getting through the Holidays, Bdays, etc) before she can say, "see, it isnt working and the OM is not in the picture"

 

I know I can drive myself crazy with all of this, and at some point I have to say, "she's not here, she's not coming, she will be selfless and stay in the M for the kids and YES, SHE WILL MISS ME, SHE SHOULD!!!!!"

If you'll read though enough threads here, you'll see that your situation is pretty much textbook. I spent months reading threads here before I ever posted, and the biggest thing I learned was, my situation was not only not very special, but was in fact quite common and predictable.

 

As is yours most likely.

[addicted2love]

addicted2love, the fact that this has been going on for 3 1/2 years should inspire any of us to offer him hope for the relationship why?

 

Never said anyone should offer hope, although I feel that we all want to "hope" for the best. My statements were made simply to warn him of the hazards of posting one's most vulnerable feelings on a public forum. Especially during a time when he's clearly in so much pain.

 

I've been where he is now and posted during that time and was torn apart by people not as caring as yourself. Which makes for even more hurt and self doubt than a person is already feeling. Just wanted to let him know that not all posters are as "helpful" as they appear to be. Those of us who have been here for a while know all about Trolls. I've been the victim of them myself in the past. Our friend here seems to be in a very vulnerable state and since he's new he might not be aware of the "sheep in wolfs clothing".

 

A2L

[outoftheditch]

SD, I can see where your wanting some help and some ways to cope. However, the biggest issue, in my mind, is that you are continuing to pursue this married woman. In light of the fact that you have been busted, you've been asked to stay away, you jeapordize her children (and for that matter, your own as well). Why would you do that??Why put your feelings ahead of all of that? Why risk other peoples lives and happiness to continually try to break up a marriage?

 

Now, if your looking to get advice on how to cope once you have exited the picture and are not interfering with this family anymore, then thats another story. Your wanting all of us to tell you the future. Your asking us to tell you "all will work out if you do the right thing" Fact is, sometimes things dont work out when you do the right thing, but aql least you can have peace in knowing that you DID do the right thing.

[OWoman]

Also when I read the posts written by these serial OW I tend not to believe them at all. I've often thought they were just trolls trying to give ALL OW a bad name. Real OW have zero respect for these types of women.

 

Thanks a bunch

I was a serial OW before I landed up in a LTR with current MM...