tenacioustears Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for about two and a half years. a year into our relationship he decided to move to Boston to go to school and left me alone in Arizona. This is where our problems started and its been a roller coaster ever since. I cacnt help but feel like he completely abondaned me and gave up on our relationship, yet he claims he did this for us and our future. He says he wants to be able to support me. We are completely in love and I dont think it's fair that were far apart. Especially since all I hear about is how depressed he is and how he hates it there. Is it wrong of me to think that if he hates it that much that he should just move back to where his friends and family are? Furthermore, he has decided to quit that school and start another in the fall again not in Arizona. he wants me to drop my steady job, schooling, break my lease and move with him even though he knows I can't. I just want to be with him and every night I come home to an empty apartment and am just depressed:sick:. I dont even go out anymore... How can I fix this? Any personal stories or suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Aussie65 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 this is so me...my BF left to take another job in another state and I too feel like he has abandoned me and I am soooo lonely it hurts so bad.I feel he is coping much better where I am constantly after his reassurance of love...I am glad you know where you stand.My guy has said too that he doesnt think his job pays much and soon he will be without a place to stay....the thing is,he can come home and stay with me and get MORE pay then what he is getting now. I have been asked to move there and will....at least you feel secure and know he loves you...I don't know where I stand right now.Do what your heart tells you!I went to a friends house tonight and stayed but two hours and came home...I am the same,my life doesn't feel the same without my guy in it...whats the point?money is nothing unless your happy right?. I have read though you do have to start getting out and doing things for yourself....spend time with friends and make time for hobbies etc because if your sad he will pick up on this as mine has and now I am no more then a nagger to my guy....only coz I too have felt abandoned.Guys hate chicks that are depressed all the time...it's a turn off and I know mine hates it as he has told me I should get out and do things and be happy but how can we if they are not really in our lives?.I am finding it hard to cope too....I know where your coming from so hey,let me know how it goes.Take care ! Link to post Share on other sites
dancinggal Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I've got a few words of advice: a) LDR are really hard! But if you are desperately in love with this man, you can do it. If he is trying to do something for you and your future by getting an education, he is thinking long term and that is commendable. But if he has to be away from you, find a way to make it work. Maybe its that you visit him once a month for a few days, or lots of calling through the week, emails or carepackages to keep your relationship alive. Find a way to make it work, and adjust it if need be. b) KEEP BUSY! I totally went through the same thing, didn't want to go out, hated the sleeping by myself, etc. But you adapt and deal with it. I work full time, dance three times a week, joined a book club, spend a lot of time with friends and just started volunteering to read to kids at the cancer ward where my father works. Look at it as a way to concentrate on yourself. c) Do things for yourself. Not for someone else. He wants you to move to him, but you can't. You need to work out what you want and stick to it. Are you starting your career? Is being with this man going to fit in with your life? Life doesn't have to stop because you aren't with the person you want to be with. You just have to adapt and be strong. I know there are a lot of people on this forum who are toughing it out, and a lot of them have amazing stories about it. The other thing I would suggest is find someone in a similar situation to yourself. I don't have any friends or people around me who are, and that's why I use this site. Basically, you need to be able to vent when things get really tough, because they will. Good luck! Welcome to the forum, and I hope you find it as helpful and therapedic as I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 every time I hear about lonly girls I think about how nice it would be to comfort them, Physicaly Link to post Share on other sites
Author tenacioustears Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 I'm so glad I finally found a place where people understand me... I hate bringing my friends down with the same **** day after day and none of them understand. They dont get why I stay with it even though it hurts so much. I can't imagine being in a completely different country than him, it's hard enough to be across the country from him.Tonights really bad... its raining and he's already in bed. He called me crying tonight saying how sorry he was that he missed his flight. he doesnt cry... Link to post Share on other sites
dancinggal Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Oh babe, I know it hurts. My boy gets upset too, When I went to visit him in Canada (I'm in Australia) he got really upset when I had to leave early, and he's not the type for that either (he's a football player, all tough and stuff, so not the type you expect to be overally emotional). I remember the worst time was when he was leaving here (he studied here) and it was like a week before he had to leave, and he called me at 3am, just crying, upset at how unfair it all was. To be absolutely truthful, I haven't found a suitable replacement for a lonely night at home. I just went out with friends for dinner and drinks, and it was fun, but now its just me and the dog, and its Saturday night. It just sucks. I clean the apartment, organise my schedule for next week, work out outfits to wear to stuff next week, just dumb stuff to distract myself. But it hurts! There is no way to get around that. You just have to be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Wow you ladies sound really lonely hmmm I can be any where in the world…. Link to post Share on other sites
dancinggal Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 KMT, there's like, a hundred guys in a club I could go to for comfort if I really wanted. Thanks for the offer, but I'm not sure how many ladies would take you up on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 nah ud just feel worse after some random guy like that... You need something special Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Hi, I totally understand the toughness. In the beginning I cried as well, well, he doesn't know it, I don't want to burden him. I tried to do many other things that can distract me, but when I went to gym, all I thought about was "how wonderful if he is here being with me", if I went to shopping, I thought "if he is here, he can help me carry bags, he is a very muscular guy:p, j/k, I want him be here and even having some simple laughters is good", if I meet friends, all they talk about is "having babies, marry.... and ask me where my bf is, so make-me-busy kinda didn't work for me, sorry; until I began to seriously talk to God, ask him for guidance. since then I can feel very different, not worry all the time, I learned to trust God, even sometimes it is still difficult, but much better than before. now I am thinking every thing happens for a GOOD reason, and I will accept whatever come to my way. my bf says I am a very laid back girl, and talking to me make him feel at ease as well we have experienced several mild break-up (stop contacting each other), but seems we still want each other in our lives. I don't how to advice you, except that telling that faith helped me a lots. learning new things and make-myself-busy with faith (knowing God loves me and watches over me) is quite different from learning new things without knowing God and hope. in fact, God amazes me often, pretty cool that I can even talk and learn from God who is so loving and powerful. I know my future and I know I am on a right track Link to post Share on other sites
catrocks Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Dancinggal gives great advice. It's a shame he's unhappy and you can't be together right now. But if he is in school, he's making a better future for you like he said. I know it's lonely, but it's also not forever. Try to make plans for after he graduates, or whenever it is you can be together - you can look for houses, pets etc online, talk about what you'll do once you're together again. One good thing about a successful LDR is that once you're together again, you will have built great trust and communication, and you'll feel like if you can get through this, you can get through almost anything together. Make yourself go out and socialise. Just think, if you do then you'll have something exciting to tell him about when you speak to him. You may not feel like going out and you may not have fun, but you need to try, otherwise your time apart will be more miserable than it has to be. nah ud just feel worse after some random guy like that... You need something special Link to post Share on other sites
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