is he moving on..?

[kitkat289]

Oh I regret so much for breaking my 7 days NC.It has really made me clingy.Know what happened, I called him up last to last night ,he was going out with friends so he told me he'll call me up next morning.I SMSed him "call me when you get free.Iam missing you".he didnt call as exected and the next day I didnt want to call him but I wanted to check out if his phone was busy because these days he's been talking to a phone friend for long hours and that pisses me off.He asked me to wait and told me that its just a friend and he would say goodbye to her and then will call me in 5min but I kept waiting for around half n hour.I was really hurt,I was crying,praying to God and just wanted one thing that he may have moved on in a week a bit but I still wished if we talked just like before.I wanted to feel that nothing had happened and everything was the same as it was some days ago.I was shaken to see that the guy who still loved my after our break-up was now getting involved with someone emotionally and also I was proved wrong since I always felt that there cant be any oth er girl who can make him laugh like I can and he just never got enough of talking to me.When things were wrong,I made everything so smooth just by ignoring the negative parts and by keeping the spark alive.I would just keep things very light and laugh,cry with him without ever complaining or forcing anything on him and then he would talk about all those little things that we did together,the memories...he is just so much into those days we were with each other.Its kind of weird to talk about those cute moment over and over again but it is one thing that makes us feel that we are still a part of each other.

 

But the thing that hurts me now is that one side of me irritates him like anything.When I feel insecure,when he can know from my voice that its hurting or Iam sad he just wants to avoid the situation and prefers not to talk to me and tells me it gives him a headache and blah blah.

I realise he's not the emotional for me like he was 1 year ago.He was so sentimental that even though I had always been an easy going,carefree person, he still used to write me a big letter saying sorry and how much he was missing me after a little arguement.I just cannt forget how special I had been for someone and now he loves me only because of the way I talk and entertain and secondly because he loves to discuss the days we spent together(as we its our 1st and only relationship) and I dont know how the hell he feels mushy and asks for a kiss/hug.He still kisses me(LDR-on the phone) and says he loves me but I want more and cant take it if he moves on in future so instead of trying to do the right things now I want to concentrate on 'moving on'.

 

But people I do not want to do NC as his interest will shift somewhere else and at the same time want to really 'move on' while keeping him hung with me,my memories.Iam so sure that he can never find someone as cute as me.

[kitkat289]

I told him that I felt bad one da when my mom taunted me saying that If I kept on eating so much junk food,i'll grow fat and then I would be rejected by guys who would come to see me (arranged marriage thing).It never made me sad thinking that I would be getting marriage proposals within 1-2years but hearing it from my mom somehow affected me as she knew about my ex.She was somewhat attached to him and still cares and I had never hoped that she will lose hope on him.I cannot imagine even looking at those marriage proposals when I would only be waiting for my ex.

 

I told him this and he asked me "why do you take you mom;s taunt so seriously?" I said "its not about rejection....but I cannot think of seeing guys" and then asked him "wont you come an d hold my hand at that time?". He teased me saying that there are so many guys already in my life and taunted saying "u dont need me..." like he wanted some kind of assurance from me but I just said it very casually that Iam not dating,it just happened(i met two friends of mine who are quite attracted to me).I dint give him a picture like Iam dying without him or that I wouldnt marry anyone except him...Iam just not into that drama but sometimes prefer to say it in a light way.(But I really,really want to marry only him,i realise that I cant imagine the situation when i will have to think about all the other guys EXCEPT HIM after an year or so.How I wish he comes on the right time and makes all those dreams we had weaved come true)

[jennyfur01]

*hugs* I can totally relate to you hun. I broke NC a week or 2 ago, after 4 days...but i already told you guys that in a previous post.....but anyways, he would say he was going to call me during the week and never would. So then I'd call b/c to see why he hadn't called. It's a vicious cycle for me. So far I haven't called in 4 days. I'm to the point I'm just angry about it. His mom had a mini surgery, and I sent him a message on myspace to see how she was and he read it and never replied. *******! Whatever. Someday hopefully he will wake up and realize what he lost........but by then I'll probably be gone. You can only take the rejection for so long and then you realize you're better off without them. It's terribly painful, but if they don't want anything to do with us then we're only hurting ourselves more by chasing.

 

I only want to marry my ex too. I love him and his family, but maybe it's true what everyone says....maybe one day we'll find someone that will make us forget them, and not feel that way anymore.

My ex has been talking to girls from work. Girls I'd NEVER picture him with, and they leave him stupid sexual comments on myspace. It makes me so mad. We've also still been sleeping together(YES EVERYONE I KNOW IT'S WRONG! Please don't inform me again) when I see him, and I'll ask if he's been with anyone else and he says no, and I tell him I just want to be sure b/c i don't want to be at fooling around if he is with others b/c that's a big risk" and he'll say "but it's okay for you to?" like i'm really out fooling around with anyone else. Why the hell would I be chasing you so hard you dumbass? I dunno if that's his way of asking or what.

 

But anyways....I've rambled enough. Main thing is lets do this together. If you want I can give you my email address, or we can chat. If you ever feel weak you can message me, and vice versa? I'm feeling good right now b/c I'm angry....but I'm sure the weekend will be tough.

Hang in there.

[kitkat289]

Thanx Jennyfur! You know they do love us but we are just far too insecure than they can ever be.And what we have not been able to do is (STRICT N.C)the ONLYYY thing in the world that 'can' make them come running to us.I realise that even 1 week NC is of no use.Its hard when I think of the girl who keeps talking to him for hours and I lose my calm.

 

You know sometimes when I feel really terrible but dont wanna cry, I just sit and pray to God.Its like a therapy...as if He is listening to all my blabbering and it feels like in the end of it, I always get the message from God.I feel so relieved in that 1 hour.Today after talking everything, I realised it deeply that it disturbs him when I call him and takes away his peace of mind when I ask him any questions or tell him that I missed you a lot.Its not that, that he does not miss me or doesnt want to say that he did because when I 'dont' say it,he starts to tell me.He would talk about the things I really love to hear when I least expect from him and I guess I have to stop irritating him with my insecurity and dependence on him.

He doesnt care that way anymore and wouldnt be there to wipe off my tears and instead he would want to run away saying that he's not in a good mood and we should talk later.

I know things have changed but I will still do what it takes to not to drive him nuts.I will try my level best in order to keep his cool by not calling him for as long as I can....

Lets just leave it to God and just try to see them happy...afterall that is what true love is.Isnt it?

Edited October 20, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[kitkat289]

He had told me that he'll call me later but I called him again after waiting for an hour.He told me that he was preparing for his interview with some friends (I could hear their voices from behind) and when I asked him "why didnt you call me?". He said "when...?" I said "when?you never call..."

He was like"we had talked yesterday only" and I was a little shocked and said "so I shouldnt call you?" and he just said "there's nothing like that and you know it...".

Well I think he's really busy and isnt pretending anything and I just said goodluck after a little leg pulling.I just forget everything when I get to hear "I love you too" after me saying those 3 words to him.That is enough for me and i will try to be more understanding from now.

Jennyfur have you realised that there are a lot of dumpers on LS who sound just like our ex.I read someone's story lately on LS and it opened my eyes,made me think how much I might have irritated him.

[jennyfur01]

I left my ex a voicemail wednesday, he never called back. I sent him a message on myspace, he never wrote back. Then today I called him again and he didn't answer or call me. SCREW HIM. I'm getting so fed up I can't even stand it. I'm sitting here crying over him, missing the good times and he doesn't even give a damn about me. I think we both just need to move on. Easier said than done though.

I wish there was something to say to make it better for you. Something I could do to help us both.......but im at a loss

[thelegend]

Ladies I'm sorry both of you are having such a tough time wih the break ups. One thing both of you have to do is stop trying to communicate with these guys. I know it's hard. But all the calling and texting and messaging is feeding their egos. They know you aren't moving on because you are in constant contact trying to figure out what they are doing and who they are with. Babies you have to realize your value is dropping the more you do this. I can answer these few questions that seem to be bothering both of you. 1. They still love you. 2. They still think about you. 3. They don't miss you because you won't give them a chance too. Only when you give them exactly what they won't space is when the results will come. I know it's hard to not call or text or recieve any kind of communication from them. But that's the only way. I'm going through it myself and some days are harder than others but I've seen the results after the 5th day of NC I started getting the texts and the phone calls. Only because I've shocked her system. I quit trying to see what she was doing and let her worry about what I'm doing. Think about it if a guy was constantly calling and texting you wondering why you haven't called him and text him what would you say?

[jennyfur01]

You're right legend. I just don't get why he can't even write back and say "yeah my mom is doing good" or whatever. I'm just so upset over the whole thing. I feel physically sick all the time. Dizzy and sick to my stomach. If I wake up at night I immediately start thinking about him and stressing and I can't get back to sleep. I'm not going to contact him anymore......and i know part of the reason he never calls me is b/c im doing all the chasing, but the hardest part is letting go b/c like kitkat said, if you stop NC you may lose em all together. Yes I know if that happens it wasn't meant to be, it's just hard to accept. I mean, if he barely talks to me after 2 months of being broken up, why would he suddenly want to later? I dunno......I guess we'll all just have to wait and see what happens to us.

Good luck to us all

[thelegend]

It is hard to let go. Saying goodbye is a tough pill to swallow. But only after you let go will he take a step towards you. Think about it. You haven't been talking to him and you are still thinking about him even worse than ever. It's the same for him he's thinking about you because he hasn't talked to you. He's not soon to forget about you at all. And if you love him you have to let go if he comes back then you got something but that's only if you let go. I know it's hard sweetheart but trust me when you take a step back he'll take 2 towards you. You just have to give it time and space. He will talk to you later, trust me he will they all do for some reason they have to see you not care anymore once they feel that they come running back.

[jennyfur01]

True, unless they move on and don't care. That's what I was worried about, but right now I could care less. I'm so mad at him right now. How can he treat me nice when I do see him, and then NEVER call me. Yeah I know, that's what happens. I'm just mad. I need to go to work though. I'm praying I have a good weekend. I can't take much more stress.

[ClareH]

Hi Guys

 

Just wanted to say that i am going through the same thing at the mo, i totally agree with the no contact method. I havent had contact with my ex(see the post entitled can i win him back(long story) for background) for a week and as of yet he aint text or rang but i feel better in myself for not speaking to him. I dont have that embarrassment/shame/anger at myself when ive given in to ringing him or texting. I know that i dont look weak/silly/insecure for sounding all needy and clingy on the phone. Although my heart is breaking and i miss him more than anything, not having to deal with thinking about what he has said, going over and over, analysing every word or thinking about the things he has told me he is up to ect does make it slightly easier. I know it is easier said than done i have had to delete his number so that i dont give in to temptation on weak moments or when ive been drinking. It will honestly be worth it though.x.

[ninjaturtles]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been through all this. With my last relationship, it was not as severe. However, I was in a relationship some years ago. He was my first everything, you know...we had an amazing bond and I wanted to get married to him. Whilst we were together, we thought we would, we were in love. Well after some time, say about two years after or a bit less, he started becoming distant.....we broke up etc.

I remember I would call him, he would promise to return my calls. He would not. It was SO upsetting for me. Once, I called and I think his sister felt sorry for me.lol. Because he had not been returning my calls, she said to me' Dont worry I will tell him to ring you back'. Once I called him and he gave the phone to a girl to pick up..The nerve! The summary is, this vicious cycle went on for months. I had no LS to help me, so I carried on doing the same thing over and over again.

 

Well, there is a limit to how much rejection one can take. I cut contact. Infact, this was only because he moved and changed his number. At that time, I was in pieces. He did not even bother leaving his number. This was someone who was once my everything and I was his everything as well. How tables turn! I guess it was a blessing in disguise because had I had his phone number, I would have continued to call. Stupid me.

Anyway, I had to move on! I mean, I had no way to conact him.lol. It was tough, and I would cry all the time. I lost weight etc. (See how long I postponed the pain?? Had i cut contact when we split originally, I would not have gone through such a painful process). Anyway, some months later, when i doing fine, (due to the cold turkey method of no contact) He called me!! Would you believe it. After all the pain I had been through.

 

 

I could not believe my ears when i picked up the phone. He went on about how he had missed me, how no one could compare to me bla bla. I guess he had had his fair share of fun and girls and I probably stood out. Anyway, till today, he calls me and wants to get back. Infact he only just sent me a text a few mins ago. I still am attracted to him, but I only just split with my more recent ex. So I am not looking to get into anything at the moment.

The morale of the story is this--

 

He came back after I gave him time to miss me. He came back after I moved on. This was a guy who had stopped taking my calls. He treated me so bad, it was devastating. Today, he is the one on my neck. I guess I can never trust him. However, I never believed he would come back.I never believed things would turn out this way.

 

So ladies, its very very hard. I know because I have been through it. You need to make a clean break. There is no other way to go around it.

With my most recent ex, I knew better than to call him after we split. I have contacted him but only about 2ce via email. Yes I feel him driftting far away from me because we dont communicate anymore. And yes he recently removed my pics with him on facebook. So you can imagine how I feel. However, the more you conact them, the more they start to pull away. It irritates them in a way. Its sad to think so but its true. Stop contact. Its like an addiction because it is so hard not to contact them, and this desire only brings pain.(bad effects).

 

It is going to be hard but from today, please make a vow to try and cut contact. The1st few days will be very hard, but it WILL get better with time. Think about it like you are letting go of a bad habit. Fight the urge not to look back.

 

Going NC is not going to make them forget you if they dont want to. Thats the thing. Infact the more you continue to maintain unreciprocated contact, the more likely it is to push them away. It is only having adverse effects.

 

If it is meant to be, it it will be. They say if you love something let it go. If it comes back its truly yours.

 

It will be hard but you can do it. Stay strong and keep posting.

xxxx

[jennyfur01]

Thanks for your input ninja. Hope you're doing okay too

[thelegend]

I'm sorry ladies but we live in a society where nobody knows what they want anymore. And the sad but true part of it all is some where along the line our ex's fell out of love with us and fell for someone else. Most of the time they have to see if there is anything better and usually there isn't but they have to look anyway. But rest assured if you were good to them they will not be gone for long. I loved my ex gf with all my heart she left for another guy 2 months later she calls and says she's not happy at all with him. So there is a bit of redemption when they realize they made a mistake. You just have to be strong for the moment and let them come to you but by then you realize they gave up on you and aren't worthy for another chance to break your heart again.