Am I over-reacting?

[aya]

I found a little baby bird (grackle) in my boyfriend's apartment. He kept the bird in the cage, without feeding the bird. I have an experience rasing the bird, so I knew that what the baby bird needs is water and food.

 

I asked him to call the animal shelter, but he refused to do it -- saying that animal shelter will kill the bird. I asked him to feed the bird. Once again, he refused to do so -- saying that his grandfather taught him not to do so. I fed the bird when he wasn't around and he saw it, and he told me in a little offended tone that I made the bird unable to adjust the nature any longer. He said he just knew those things and he knows how to handle animals, so I should leave it to him. He got a little offended when I tell him to do something, so I decided not to say anything.

 

Next morning, I saw the bird is getting weakened. He finally agreed to call the animal shelter and take the bird to the shelter, but not until next day. While he was away for work, I decided to feed and water the bird and came back to his apartment (I have keys) with some food for the bird. I looked into the cage and found the bird is already dead. I was very sad and a little upset with my boyfriend, so I told him I don't want to see him or talk to him on that day -- which upset him and he said I am mean to him.

 

So far he has been wonderful boyfriend for 4 months, but this incident made me a bit concerned. He also lied that the bird was buried, when his roommate threw the bird away from the balcony. But this was also because he did not want to upset me.

 

He also said I am overreacting, and spending entire afternoon staying in my apartment crying for the bird is extreme reaction (I was also sick so I stayed in my apartment that day) -- according to him, the bird probably would have died anyway and we couldn't do anything about it -- so why bother crying. I know this could be extreme, but I was shocked when he said that.

 

Otherwise he is wonderful boyfriend, committed and loving. I respect him as professoinal and human being.

 

So .. am I just over-reacting ? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you very much.

[Tony T]

Sounds to me like you're just a bit sensitive about the death of the baby bird. Tiny new birds are pretty hard to keep alive if you don't know what you're doing. The two of you had a disagreement on how to handle the situation. However, the best thing to do would have been to call the animal shelter. They have names of people who are expert at nurturing young birds to health and they would have gotten someone to take on the project.

 

I don't like your boyfriend's reaction to the situation but if he's pretty good in every other way, you probably ought to take this along with the good and move on in the relationship.

[yes]

i'd be very skeptical, if i were you. i think the way people treat animals shows a lot about them, because they're in total control.

 

not feeding the bird and keeping it in the cage sounds absolutely ridiculous. throwing the corpse off the balcony sounds even worse - i mean, have some respect for living things!

 

somebody who mistreats defenseless animals will also do many other things that won't align with your thinking... so i'd take this bird story as a major red flag...

 

good luck,

-yes