Jump to content

on the subject of this one thing

Hemmed Up

By Hemmed Up,
in Abuse

 Share Followers 1

Recommended Posts

Hemmed Up

Hemmed Up

Posted
Posted

I am having a really hard time right now, Im really in a bad way...but I have a question thats about my friend...

 

Lets say that my friend has been raped over the course of 2 days...those 2 days were chosen specifically because those were the days she was most fertile...there now is a good chance that she might be pregnant, and she feels very strongly about not terminating it if she was...this is part of a very intricate belief system she has built up around her...the other being that she had always vowed that when she gets pregnant, she will stay with the father for the rest of her life no matter what. Lets say that she told the wrong person this, and he used it to his advantage...

 

the one question I have is this:

 

What can be said of her if after being raped (with the purpose of concieving his child) she goes ahead and continues a CONSENUAL relationship with him?

 

Does she need help or what?? Is she messed up in the head? Whats wrong with her?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Jasmine8719

Jasmine8719

Posted
Posted

omg! I just responded on your last post...and pleasseeee pleasseee pleassee tell me this isn't you...Have you been cheating on your boyfriend, with the guy that's blackmailing you, or is this another guy?? Now if its your friend then she needs help if she thinks its right to stay with the man that rapped her. How old are you?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Hemmed Up

Hemmed Up

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks, Jasmine for your response....

 

I think it has something to do with this belief system...

 

The fact that she would never want to terminate if she did get pregnant, and also, she always vowed to stay with the father of the child should she ever get pregnant.

 

This isnt something she was just thinking in passing, this was something that she held firmly to for most of her adult life.

 

He, on the other hand, knew full well about her belief system and used it to his advantage because he wanted her with his child. He wants to marry her and take care of her.

 

Its fair to say that this was a very long term close friendship before other things started happening...

 

At this point, maybe because she already feels ruined....

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted

She sounds way messed up. Any man who would manipulate a girl and get her pregnant on purpose has control issues. Believe me I know. I was trapped into marriage the very same way. I was one who didn't believe in divorce either.

 

Honestly the best advice I would give her is to get the abortion pill today. This way she takes control back and it will save her lots of agony down the road.

 

She will have a fresh start and can hopefully get herself mentally well enough to move away from this loser and other losers like him.

 

If she is someone who believes that all things happen for a reason she can be happy to know that the abortion pill is readily available when she needs it the most.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Hemmed Up

Hemmed Up

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks amaysngrace....but its way too late for the pill. Way too late..

 

 

what is wrong with her mind? Can you help me to understand this? Because I really need to know why she is feeling this way and letting this continue on....please help me to understand this? Anyone?

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted

She has no choice in her life. She is letting her life be guided by outside influences. She isn't taking charge.

 

I don't know why she is being this way but I'm sure there is a very good reason. Something happened in her life that's left her feeling like she can't make it on her own. That she needs to be dependent on others. That she'll settle for crumbs rather than bake herself a cake.

 

Something made her feel not very good about who she is.

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
would it make her a very bad person if she stayed with him after all?

 

Okay I gotta ask "Is this YOU?" Because if it is please stop being in the third person.

 

I will help you if I can but I need to know you have the right mind frame first.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Hemmed Up

Hemmed Up

Posted
  • Author
Posted

..Im not really sure who I can trust in this moment.

 

But why should it make a difference if it were I or someone else?

 

 

I think my mind frame is alright, Im just not sure who to trust but I really need your insight and advice, if its all the same to you?

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
..Im not really sure who I can trust in this moment.

 

But why should it make a difference if it were I or someone else?

 

 

I think my mind frame is alright, Im just not sure who to trust but I really need your insight and advice, if its all the same to you?

 

Because I think if it is really you then you are lying to me in a way and not being open and honest. And it makes me not want to help you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
Were it me

 

Not were it you...is it you? How can you be receptive to help if you don't admit the problem for what it is by seeing it realistically?

 

I know you have trust issues and that's understandable. But at some point you have to realize that if you want help you need to be willing to ask for it. Openly and honestly.

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
okay then....would I be a very bad person to stay with someone who did this?

 

I wouldn't say a bad person at all. He on the other hand sounds like a bad person. Bad for you anyway. He disrespected you. He sexually abused you. That's not love.

 

I don't understand why you would want to build a life with someone who doesn't love you. And treats you pretty horribly.

 

Why do you think you deserve to be treated so badly? :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Hemmed Up

Hemmed Up

Posted
  • Author
Posted

He said that he did it because he knew I was going to be the mother of his child, and that he saw this in a vision. But he hasnt been like that since. Now he is very caring and nice and loving. And he wants to marry me. He treats me fine now. So what now then?

 

What are my options? Carry the child and raise it alone? Terminate it? Or be with someone who was willing and wanting to take care of it and me?

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted

I would say yes you do need help. I can relate to what you're going through because I have been there myself but I am not a professional. Although I can be your friend.

 

Do they have a CARA in your area? They provide free counseling for women of rape and abuse. Women's Centers do too.

 

Do you see anything in your phone book?

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
He said that he did it because he knew I was going to be the mother of his child, and that he saw this in a vision. But he hasnt been like that since. Now he is very caring and nice and loving. And he wants to marry me. He treats me fine now. So what now then?

 

What are my options? Carry the child and raise it alone? Terminate it? Or be with someone who was willing and wanting to take care of it and me?

 

I'm sorry I didn't see this post before. You have more than just those options and you should do what you think is best. The solution that will be the best choice for you and this unborn baby.

 

As the person who is carrying this baby it is your decision to make.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Hemmed Up

Hemmed Up

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I tried a couple of hotlines, but got too scared and confused so I just put it on the back burner. I dont know what CARA is and no we dont have it here.

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
Its not rape anymore if its consensual. Right? So I only have myself to blame.

 

 

Did he have sex with you against your will or was it consensual? Did you tell him you could get pregnant and he knew it and then acted irresponsibly to make sure you'd get pregnant?

 

This is a very controlling situation. If he took it upon himself to see that you'd get pregnant then he isn't taking your needs into consideration. Calling it rape is harsh though. Because it isn't rape. You may feel violated and taken advantage of but it's still not rape if you wanted to sleep with him too.

 

How far along are you?

 

The thing that freaks me out is that if he can control what happens in your life like this without any regards to you and then switch it around and be Mr. Nice Guy once he gets his way just leads me to believe that he's setting you up. He's showing you the very best of him so that you will forget about the very worst of him.

 

In time the worst of him will show up again while the hope you have in your heart will hold on to the best of him. It's part of the cycle of abuse.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Hemmed Up

Hemmed Up

Posted
  • Author
Posted

what is it called then, when a person keeps track of your cycle, and then calculates the days you would most be fertile, and makes you strip down, and scares the crap out of you both in words and actions every time you push him away and tell him no, and it went on like that for many many hours that you finally grew so tired and exhausted, and a nervous wreck that you just let him do it because your energy and mind was just about zapped out at that point?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Kasan

Kasan

Posted
Posted
what is it called then, when a person keeps track of your cycle, and then calculates the days you would most be fertile, and makes you strip down, and scares the crap out of you both in words and actions every time you push him away and tell him no, and it went on like that for many many hours that you finally grew so tired and exhausted, and a nervous wreck that you just let him do it because your energy and mind was just about zapped out at that point?

 

You need to get out of this relationship ASAP. I thought on your other thread there was some advice to get a restraining order on him.

 

This child will tie you to him for the rest of your life. Are you pregnant?

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
what is it called then, when a person keeps track of your cycle, and then calculates the days you would most be fertile, and makes you strip down, and scares the crap out of you both in words and actions every time you push him away and tell him no, and it went on like that for many many hours that you finally grew so tired and exhausted, and a nervous wreck that you just let him do it because your energy and mind was just about zapped out at that point?

 

Psychological and physical rape.

 

CARA: Coalition Against Rape and Abuse

 

Sweetheart you are in a very abusive relationship. I feel so sad for you right now and what you are going through.

 

Sometimes county government has good leads into where you could go. I don't know about those hotlines. I think they may be national and not local but you'd probably be better off speaking to someone locally.

 

My heart goes out to you. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 1
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...