has NC made them more attractive to you?

[sedgwick]

I'm just thinking about the times I've broken up with someone (there have only been two in my adult life, but still) and they've gone off and done their own thing and stopped calling me, and no matter how angry at them or over them I may have been, it automatically made them more attractive.

 

I just wonder if the fact that I stopped calling my ex, didn't acknowledge his birthday, and ran off to Mexico might have made me look more attractive to him. I want to think he's not just sitting there going, "eh, whatever, who cares, she's nothing to me." I'd like to think he's maybe wondering, at least a little, if he made the right decision. The most important thing is that I don't just look pathetic and unattractive to him. I can't bear thinking of him thinking of me as pathetic.

[myhotrod123456789]

I think people generally want what they can't have. This applies to everything, not only relationships. Being extremely accessable can be an unattractive trait and that's why it's important in a relationship to have a personal life that is seperate from a significant other. Each person should have their own goals and dreams. I think when someone goes NC, it shows the other person that they do have their own life.

[carrotgirl]

Yah, nothing makes a guy more attractive to me than when he treats me like I don't exist and never did. What are you kidding me? Wasn't what turned you on in the first place the fact that he WAS attracted to you and paid attention to you?

 

Carrot

[Crestfallen_KH]

I think by going NC, he is more likely to think of you as NOT pathetic. Ok, that was bad grammar, but stay with me. Basically, your silence sends a very strong message - that you are moving on, not hung up on him, and that you deserve better.

 

I think NC is very effective, personally. I visit another Web site which I probably can't name here, which completely promotes NC as good way to get YOURSELF back. You aren't caught off guard by his messages or double talk, and you can focus on yourself and your own personal healing. And that should be your focus - you should be selfish right now.

 

It's hard not to think about "what he thinks about me," but it's just wasted hours and energy. What you think about yourself is more important.

[bustertypsy]

For me I find that I would have more admiration and respect for a dumpee who accepts a breakup without crying,begging,pleading for another chance.That's not to say that at the begining of a split I would mind them trying to save a relationship.You have to fight for what you want.But after you've said your piece and let them know how you feel,then NC is the way to save your dignity,help you heal and maybe even bring them back,looking for you

[brothermartin]

Hey Sedg.

 

I cant say that NC has made my ex more attractive to me, just because of the way it ended. I'm still in my anger phase too, so maybe it might happen after thats over. But I sure as hell hope not. Since I'm feeling pretty bitter about her, I do hope sometimes that she is missing me and kicking herself about what she did and the way she treated me. But for now, I think It's better not to know than find out otherwise. Know what I mean?

[sedgwick]

brothermartin, i'd give ANYTHING to feel angry! i'd give anything to stop hating myself and feeling humiliated every damn minute of every day...it's like i don't deserve to like myself when he hates me so much. ugh.