Can i get him back?(Long Story)

[ClareH]

My ex left me 6 weeks ago. We lived together for 4 months and were together for 8 months. It became a very deep relationship very quickly within weeks we fell for eachother. Slowly we started spending more time together and he gradually started getting stick friom his friends. They stopped texting and calling him and after a while just didnt invite him anywhere.

 

He was so caring towards me and i used to do everything for him. We argued quite a lot(mainly down to my insecurities and me over reacting.)We got on so well though he was like my best friend as well as my lover.

 

We had a bad arguement one night about him feeling like he could never do anything right.After that i made a real effort everyday to make him happy, they were the best few days we had had in a long time, we were all over eachother really loving. It came to wednesday and i just felt something wasnt right, gut feeling i did the worst thing ever. I read his phone.There were messages to his friends, one said that he was thinking about moving out. I got really really upset, beside myself even. The last few days had been so good.

 

At first he was saying we could work it out, then he turned and said he couldnt see it working anymore and was confused to how he felt. I did everything the guilt trip, trying to make him feel sorry for me, telling him things would change. He stayed wednesday night and it was awkward. When i got home Thursday night he was still there, still saying he was confused, i suggested he go away for a couple of days and then come home. He agreed but stayed the night, i did everything that night to try and make him stay without actually saying it including sex. He was all over me all night cuddleing and kissing.(Maybe it was his goodbye) I didnt expect him to still leave the next day after the loving night we had had together, i got home from work and there was a note, 'Im sorry its come to this, ill let you know when im coming home. Love x' That was Friday he didnt text or ring all weekend.

 

It got to Monday and i rang him asking when he was coming home,he wasnt coming home he was just gonna come for his things. That night he came round and started packing, he was crying and said that he still loved me but he just couldnt see it working, he felt trapped and suffocated and felt like he could never do anything right. He kept kissing and cuddleing me while we were both crying. He took the big picture of us that we kept in the living room. When he got home he text me saying he still wanted to see me and keep in contact and that he had put that picture by his bed. He wrote i love you on the end.

 

He rang me when he was drunk on the wednesday nite telling me he loved me and wished he was walking home to me, his friends had been loving the fact we werent together all night apparently.

 

Sunday came, he came round to spend some time with me and it was slightly strange at first, i stayed cheerful and making conversation, he was pretty quiet. We were talking and he said he just wanted to stay friends. I said i couldnt do that at the moment it was too hard, he started kissing and cuddleing me and then it led to sex. when he left he was crying again.

 

I still had hope that he was just saying he wanted to be friends because he was scared it was just going to go back to the way it was. I stayed friendly when he text about the house or i text him, he still had not once text me to see how i was or if i was ok.

 

The next time i saw him it was the friday night,he kept asking me questions about anyone that had asked me out or if i had met anyone. I told the truth i had been asked out twice but hadnt said yes because i wasnt ready, he went mental and left. I saw him the next night by accident in the que to the nightclub, he was all over me, yes he was drunk, he kept telling me how beautiful i looked and bought me a drink. I left i couldnt handle to be there and still try and play it cool.

 

The next time i saw him he was helping me paint the spare room I made him some tea that he didnt eat,and spoke to him about some concert tickets and 2 nights in a hotel i had bought for his birthday it was for the following weekend i asked him if he wanted to go as friends, he said he didnt think it was a good idea as he wouldnt be able to stay just friends with me for the weekend. He seemed like he really didnt want to be at my house so i said that he didnt have to feel like he should stay but he didnt seem to want to leave, we started talking about what had happened to us.

 

He said he still loved me but wasnt in love with me, he said he was happier now. Then he went on to say he missed me, everything about me he missed and everything we had. He said if we ever got back together he would have alot of making up to do, he said that his friends were all saying we would get back together. Then he asked me for a cuddle, then started kissing me one thing led to another and he stayed the night. The thought crossed my mind when i was laid in his arms afterwards that i had been used for sex then i looked at him and he had tears in his eyes when he said 'You are going to make someone so happy one day, maybe it will be me' then 'Your so lovely, i could just stare at you all day' He kept hold of me all night. In the morning when he left he asked me to text him. When i did saying something along the lines of 'i hope last night showed you i can make you happy again' he text back saying 'we'll see, its confused me, i think we need some space to heal.'

 

I havent spoke to him since we only text eachother about the house. I love him very much and i realise i must of hurt him a lot to make him so confused. I just need someone to talk to about it as my family and friends wont listen they think i should get over it and move on.I dont want to be a doormat or used for sex but i want him back i just dont know what to do or whether its too late?His actions say a different story to his words.

 

Any advise on whats happened or where to go from here would be great. I just want to know why hes acted like he has.

[Freddy]

Hello ClareH, I don't want to sound rude but how do you go one relationship to another and think they are both the one? I know you want your current ex back but why did the last 2 exs want to leave in the first place? I do understand what your going through and feel your pain but I something tells me your not ready to be in a relationship right now.

[polywog]

Hi Clare,

It sounds like you "lose yourself" in relationships, and that maybe you choose guys who do the same. I know all about that, I did it for years and have to be aware of that tendency in myself even now.

 

It strikes me, and going from my own experience, that the relationship burned itself out because of this loss of each one of your's individuality. When this happens, there is nothing feeding the flames of love, and one person or the other feels closed in.

 

Am I making any sense?

[Freddy]

Scratch what I just said, post to the wrong person. Do take sometime for yourself though and don't let him come back and sleep with you till he figures out he wants you.