9Lives Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 I have been with my man for about 3 years and he has been friends with the chic and has not tried to hide it but he has never introduced me to her. I hate it. When he is around her, he does not hide it. He has introduced me to everyone but her. It is strange to me. Any thoughts??? Link to post Share on other sites
tommyr Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Tell him you would like to meet his friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted December 8, 2007 Author Share Posted December 8, 2007 I have but he said I cant meet her. Like today, I'm at work and he is out christmas shopping and she is with him. Im like really!! She was right there when he said to me I have been calling you all day. Then I heard her phone ring and she was talking to someone else. I dont necessary think they got something going but I think it is weird you cant introduce me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Yes, that is weird and you have every reason to be upset. Why won't he introduce you two? I hate to say it but the only real good reason would be that he either likes her, enjoys the attention she gives him, and having you around will kill off that fun fantasy...OR, they are having an affair, at best, an emotional one. To me, this is a choice - either you get to meet her and he has to stop hiding her from you, or you end it and find a man who doesn't like to hang out all the time with other girls and hide it from you. Link to post Share on other sites
get.mos Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 sounds like you've asked to meet her, and he said no? different generations feel differently about this. i actually lost a co-worker friend because of this situation. my friend, who is 30 yo than me, has a wife who suspected me of wanting to be intimate with her husband. yeah right; sorry, i don't french my father's friends (which is basically what i consider him, since he's closer to my father's age than mine). just curious of the nature of your relationship: do all kinds of things he does bother you that he feels compelled to keep things from you? trying to figure out if he might want to not tell you because of fear of your retaliation? (e.g., i have a GF who doesn't tell her husband all the things she buys -- shoes, purses -- because it would bother him. but, financially, it doesn't cause hardship.) if you analyze yourself and find you're very open and would be ok with their friendship, then perhaps something is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 (e.g., i have a GF who doesn't tell her husband all the things she buys -- shoes, purses -- because it would bother him. but, financially, it doesn't cause hardship.) if you analyze yourself and find you're very open and would be ok with their friendship, then perhaps something is going on Don't compare a hidden woman friendship to sneaking off and buying stuff. Big difference. It's apples and oranges. The problem is, he WILL NOT allow them to meet and because of that, she has every right to question his motives and find out why not. I mean, I bet if she had some male friend whom he didn't know yet wanted to meet and she told her boyfriend no, you cannot meet him, her boyfriend would be PISSED off and hurt, let alone be questioning her too. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I have been with my man for about 3 years I'm abit confused now...Uhh I hate to ask, but did your MM divorce his wife and this is the same guy? So he is off with another woman now and this is another big reason why you're upset as he won't introduce you two? Because back in August, you were just trying to end things with the MM... Link to post Share on other sites
RoseRen Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 This may not be the exact situation, but I had a friend (female) who wouldn't let me meet her boy friend. She was just a friend to me, so I didn't make fuss about it. But later I came to know that she had lied about a few of her personal things to her BF, and hence she didn't want me, or anyone who knew her, near him. This is just an example, but there are a few more people whom I've seen do this. So that could be a simple explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 9Lives Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 I'm abit confused now...Uhh I hate to ask, but did your MM divorce his wife and this is the same guy? So he is off with another woman now and this is another big reason why you're upset as he won't introduce you two? Because back in August, you were just trying to end things with the MM... Yeah it is the same guy. He has been friends with her even before he got married. The funny thing is I called him while they were together while I was at work and they were on their way to the liquor store and she says to him, ask her what she would like to drink. I said I dont know...she was like okay I got you. So when I get off work he comes over with a expensive bottle of tequila she brought for me. We went and watch the game. Then we were sitting there chilling and he says, find out how much this one sweatsuit is I want to get this for her for christmas. Im like okay. I feel like she is his female friend and he has told me hanging with her is like hanging with a guy but still I dont like it and I plan to bring it to his attention. It is strange. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 So did he get a divorce or is he still married? he said I cant meet her. Why? What is his explanation for why you can't meet her? Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I feel like she is his female friend and he has told me hanging with her is like hanging with a guy but still I dont like it and I plan to bring it to his attention. It is strange. Yes, it is strange. You should be able to hang out with any of his friends, and he should want you with him. If you can't even meet her, then I'd be suspicious. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 9, it still doesn't make any sense! So now she is offering to buy you booze, yet no introduction. If she is an old friend, someone he knew before he got married, then she should be a part of his life in the sense of meeting you and having you included! Something is wrong here - I think deep down you know that too. Your boyfriend is free and in the clear, meaning he isn't married anymore and you are his girlfriend, no longer the OW? I just want to make sure I have all the facts here..lol. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Jump ship already. You are not someone's girlfriend to be assigned the task of picking out gifts for his other "friend". Please. When your instinct tells you something is off kilter, something is. There is a very, very easy rule in developed relationships if you want them to be clear, committed, and trusting. You demand all or nothing. 100% together (as an exclusive relationship or marriage) or not at all. Anything else in between causes confusion, emotional chaos and self doubt. If you live in the gray areas you pretty much will create for yourself a gray--cloudy, darkish, opaque--life. Stay in the sun. Always. And the sun is about what is clean, white, bright, healthy, energizing and CLEAR. OE Link to post Share on other sites
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