Ex wants me back (he broke up with me)

[bellabella]

I've been reading a lot of these threads and thought it time I post my own story. Six weeks ago my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Things had been a little strained for a while, but overall we still got on well. There was no lying or cheating involved. Our friends and siblings are all getting married and starting families and I think he really felt the pressure, as, even though I was is no hurry, he knew I'd have said yes if he proposed. He wasn't sure so started being distant, and in the end he broke up with me.

 

Since then, I have been spending lots of time with my incredible friends, settling into a new place and throwing myself into work. It has worked and I've been feeling much better than I was initially. I started spending more time with a guy from work who I've know a while, but there has been no flirting until the last couple of weeks. We've now started seeing each other and having a great time. He's fully aware of the circumstances and we're taking it slow. I do really like him genuinely though, not just rebound at all.

 

Then this week my ex had had a complete change of heart and has realised what he's lost and deperately wants me back and to spend his whole life with me. Two months ago I'd have been thrilled with everything he's been saying, but now it's just so confusing.

 

I don;t want to give him false hope and I certainly don't want to mess the other guy around as he's a lovely lovely guy. I want to see how it goes with the new guy, but how do I know it's not just because it's new and exciting and maybe I'm missing the opportunity to be back with the guy I loved for such a long time?

[bustertypsy]

I think if you have to ask for advice then you probably don't love your ex.Maybe you missed what you had with him,but if he getting in contact didn't get your heart pumping then I don't know.If you are in a rebound with your workmate then there should not be the question of doubt that you are asking.So basically,if you don't have that strong want of a reconciliation with your ex,then don't go there.Go with your gut feeling.

[thelegend]

My advice sweetheart is to do it the old fashioned way. Take time away from both no phone calls text or anything which ever one you miss the most and yearn for the most is the one for you

[bellabella]

Thanks guys, good advice from both. Even though it's impossible to have NC with either of them, I can certainly tone it down with them - get through christmas and new year and then see what happens. I don;t want to reconcile with my ex, but I'm not sure why when I loved him so much just a few weeks ago. Thanks for the opinion on things, it helps to hear a neutral opinion.

[cant let go]

you probably aren't sure whether or not you want to go back to him because right now you must be questioning his intentions. the fact that he has come back around just as you are moving on is probably not purely coincidental. take your time and follow your heart but be sure his intentions are genuine.

[sandra]

I'll have to agree with "can't let it go". I'm in no position to be giving advice. If you've read my post " How do I get him back". My love life's a mess. But, I can sorta relate to what you're saying. Take some time away from both guys and see how you feel. Don't feel rushed. If it's meant to be with either one of them, it will. When I first started to post here, I felt like I would die if I didn't get him back. Now I feel differently, I don't think I want him back now. That longing for him is gone now. Maybe in a few months I'll change my mind(That is if he ever wants me back). So, take your time.

[vivrantflo]

I don;t want to reconcile with my ex, but I'm not sure why when I loved him so much just a few weeks ago.

 

This is because you've changed the focus of your affection, from your ex, to this new guy. You were just in a 5 year relationship with someone, that didn't end on your terms..and a month after you're considering being with someone else? Why? In my humble opinion, you are rebounding. You may not think it, but 5 years is a long time to be with someone.. and to be dumped after 5 years.. I feel, would take more than 6 weeks to get over. In my humble opinion...

 

Take time for yourself right now. Your ex had time to himself to realize what he really wants.. which is you. Give yourself some time too, so you can make a clear decision.. cause if you pick the new guy out of novelty..

when it wears off, you're gonna REALLY miss your ex, and you'll miss the boat.

 

There's no rush.. just be single for a while.. single meaning NO dating. Do this so you can be sure of your feelings.. if your ex loves you and wants you as much as he says he does.. he'll wait. Maybe you'll decide that you don't want to be with him anymore, then you can persue other interests.. Either way, take your time hun.

[kitkat289]

I would like to know how you became detached from you ex just in 6 weeks because that's something all of us are trying to do.

And are you sure you were really in love with him...because now that you have to 'think' about getting back or not, I feel that's not what true love is and you'd be better off without your ex and may realise after some years down the line that this 'new guy' is the real love of your love.Sometimes even 5 years arent enough.

 

Take your time to make the right decision.Its your heart who has the 'answers' and dont be in a hurry because oppurtunities dont keep knocking the door all the time.Goodluck:)

[bellabella]

Thanks everyone, some sound advice! Taking some time out for a few weeks and hopefully things will become clearer. Hope everyone has a merry christmas, i'm off on holidays tomorrow so won;t be logging on for 3 weeks - going to try and forget everything and relax!