reboot Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I asked him about this. He said she just lays there. Which, yeah, is a common complaint from married men from what I understand. Boring sex.Uhmmmm.... If he told you they had earth shattering sex that left him gasping for breath and seeing spots in front of his eyes, how much would that inspire you to want to have sex with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 Uhmmmm.... If he told you they had earth shattering sex that left him gasping for breath and seeing spots in front of his eyes, how much would that inspire you to want to have sex with him? haha, true. Probably a line. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 "I'm not big on liars, You mean, liars to YOU. You just don't want him lying to you, but it's okay for him to lie to his wife and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Honestly, no man goes online chatting to women to find a confidante.. Speak for yourself, Matt. I have several online male friends I chat to, who want exactly that. Some I've met offline, some I never will (they live too far away) and some I may yet, but sex or any romantic dimension has never been on the agenda and won't. Such generalised statements are not helpful. If you mean "I have only sex in mind when I go online and look for women to chat to", then say so. You don't, and can't, speak for all men. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Then WHO takes care of those 3 children when he is with you? Or all day when he's at work? You're already too emotionally attached to a man who trolled the internet to find a woman to have a sexual affair with, and far too invested in whether he leaves his wife. He doesn't want to leave his wife - that's why he went on the internet looking for an OW. My thoughts exactly. EMBRA, in three short words: GET OUT NOW. This guy went on the net looking to have an affair and he found it too. You are young and gullible. Take it from some of us who have more experience. You are treading deep and dangerous waters. Read as many OM/OW threads as well as infidelity threads. Perhaps this will help you get a picture of how doomed this affairs are. When DD comes, he will turn against you and side with his wife. Have no doubt about this. And then you will feel the angst of betrayal . Sorry to have to give it to you straight. I am hoping I might get through to you. Marlena Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Please stop excusing his inexcusable behaviour!! 100% of married men on the internet are looking for extra marital affairs and nothing else. Period. They are con men and out to exploit women. Period. All of them are liars. Period. He designated his status as being SINGLE. Why aren't you so pissed at this guy that you would never want to see his face again? Run for the hills before it is too late. I hardly ever give out "tough love" as they call it in here. In your case, I am making an exception. Marlena Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 At 28 why do you have a 17 year old friend? She was my camper a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
mattym Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 Seriously, as a cheating MM myself, I came out with some of this crap to my OW - she then responded by showing me I was loved by inviting me into her bed Are you the kind of person who likes to take care of others? If so this guy who's posting himself as 'single' is making full use of that He sounds just like I was. A liar sorry, but you need to protect youself or your heart may get broken take care Matt Link to post Share on other sites
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 I am unsure if he was 'trolling' we met on a social networking site and his status said 'single', yes. but "looking for: friends".Puke. Big surprise. Yet ANOTHER married guy sneaking around on the internet looking to get laid, and pretending he's just 'looking for friends.' Please. I guess it was an accident that he chose the 'single' category for his marital status, right? Yeah, that was an accident. Just like the other 12 zillion married pigs on the internet doing the same exact thing - all passing themselves off as single or divorced. Freakin' SNAKES is what they are. They're lying and conning innocent women is what they're doing. PERIOD. Again, puke. My intention was to say I do not understand why people stay in unhappy situations for the children.Well I don't understand why women, once they find out they've been CONNED by a lying, scheming scumbag whose BLATANTLY LIED ABOUT HIS MARITAL STATUS just to get laid, will CONTINUE giving these pieces of sh*t the time of DAY. That's what I'd like to know. These lying thugs are no better than snake oil salesmen and yet women will disrespect themselves and give these losers exactly what they're looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 I broke it off today. I told him I deserved better. I said really mean, hurtful things. It actually doesn't bother me or break my heart as much as you'd think. I'm just disappointed in myself. I honestly believed him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I hope you follow through and make your words turn into actions. Meaning, if he contacts you, ignore him and don't engage in any type of conversation, whether that be IM's, emails or phone calls. I have to ask though, what crap did try to throw your way to convince you to stay his friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 I have to ask though, what crap did try to throw your way to convince you to stay his friend. You mean when I knew he was married? He didn't throw any crap at me. I can, honestly, be friends with all kinds of people. Married, single, black, white, young, old. It's the personality, I guess. The night he asked me to dinner I had just happened to of gotten into a huge disagreement with my mom (she lives with me due to a disability). I hadn't been physical with a man in over a year. I had let some of my defenses down, I admit. I should have walked away, I guess sometimes you just want to feel wanted. These are no excuses, I know. They just contributed to the decision not to walk away when I should have. It was, ultimatly, my mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 You mean when I knew he was married? No, I mean, how did he react when you broke it off with him today. My question was referring to you breaking it off with him and wanting to know if he just accepted it, or did he try to convince you to stay with him, and pour on the crap that many MM tell their OW's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 No, I mean, how did he react when you broke it off with him today. My question was referring to you breaking it off with him Ah, I am unsure. I emailed him. We were talking about my crappy day and then he said that he didn't like me pressuring him to make a decision (I had talked to him about his situation the other night while in bed). I said "I'm not asking you to betray your kids. I was just bringing up your vow." he said "My kids come first. Always. I cannot choose between you and them, you're both important to me." I said "I never asked that! It is just unfair, in my eyes, to everyone involved." he said "I understand but don't ask me to make a decision like that." After he logged off, I emailed him a long rant and told him how I felt about it. How if he really cared for his children, for me, for his wife - he would do the right thing and 'man-up'. And I said a lot more very mean things that I cannot repeat... I have no idea if he has read it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Oh and also, when we were talking via email - he was complaining about doing laundry. I said "You're always doing laundry. Ya old maid." he said "Yep, I have assigned duties." I said "It can't be that bad, cinderelley, you stay." he said "I stay for them. She just makes things 10 times harder." Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I need ask you, WHY are you pressuring him to make a decision, you've known this man for what, less than 2 weeks in real life, yet been talking to him online for 3 months? Why would you think he's just going to up and leave his kids, his depressed wife for you? Aww, poor baby, having to do laundry...Having to do what adults do in life - Housework! Is he old fashioned or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 I need ask you, WHY are you pressuring him to make a decision I'M not. It was the way he took what I said. I said "You know, if we keep this up, someone is going to get hurt." and he took that to mean to 'make a choice - NOW!'. I was just stating a fact. Which got us on the subject of his family. I would never ASK him to leave them for me. He just seems really unhappy when he speaks of her - not his kids. I guess, it's just the caregiver in me. If you're unhappy - fix it. Aww, poor baby, having to do laundry...Having to do what adults do in life - Housework! Is he old fashioned or something? Doesn't seem that way to me. But I do know he is always doing laundry when we talk. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 What is it that you want here? Have you really ended it or are you just pissed off at him for not doing something to change his life? The thing is, what you aren't seeing is, he has done something to make his life bareable.. He now as you, the OW to meet those needs his wife can't meet. His life is miserable as the woman he married now has depression. If you were a good friend who truly cared about HIS wellbeing, you would push him into getting therapy and learn more about depression, rather than take him to bed and allow an affair to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 What is it that you want here? Have you really ended it or are you just pissed off at him for not doing something to change his life? Whoa, what is up with the hostility? You ask questions, I answer. It does annoy me that had he hasn't taken steps to change his life, yes. But I can only go so far. There comes a point where HE has to do something about his situation. If you were a good friend who truly cared about HIS wellbeing, you would push him into getting therapy and learn more about depression, rather than take him to bed and allow an affair to happen. We talked for two months before meeting about depression and the steps I learned, dealing with a sick mom and my own bouts. But I am not a shrink. As I said above, I can only go so far. He said his wife had tried therapy and was taking meds, but they didn't seem to help. The affair, yes, was a mistake. That was me being weak and selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I'm not hostile, I am trying to figure out why you are putting so much effort into a man who is married, with 5 kids, has a depressed wife and why it irks you so much that he isn't doing enough to change his life into a more happier one. It's his life and people don't change unless they absolutely have to - Also, sometimes we're dealt with some real crappy hands in life and one just has to suck it up and do the best they can - Live, breathe and eat for the kids, and in his situation he can't just up and dump his wife. She is HIS responsibility. I mean, if she had cancer would you be having an affair with him? If no, then why is it okay to go to bed with her husband just because she has depression and he's unhappy with his life? I am just giving you things to think about - Outside of you and your feelings. In one sense you are messing in someone else's life and your MM has already snapped at you as he has felt pressured by you...Then he ups and disappears on you... You don't know this man really, so don't be so quick to believe every word he is telling you. How long was she doing therapy and taking meds? I mean, this takes time and she isn't going to get better just because he wants her well again. He has to do his part and honestly, him being with you is NOT doing his part at all, he's running away from his life. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedGirl004 Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Embra, run, don't walk away from this guy. Listen to the advice here...it will save you a lot of heartbreak in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author embra Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 I mean, if she had cancer would you be having an affair with him? If no, then why is it okay to go to bed with her husband just because she has depression and he's unhappy with his life? I never said it was okay. Have you seen me say that? No. I said that I felt really bad for what has happened. It seemed as though he needed affection, which, at the time, I was longing for as well. I never said I was proud of what happened. Then he ups and disappears on you... He hasn't disappeared on me. He only checks his email once or twice a day. 'Specially on weekends. How long was she doing therapy and taking meds? I mean, this takes time and she isn't going to get better just because he wants her well again. He has to do his part and honestly, him being with you is NOT doing his part at all, he's running away from his life. Yes, I know this. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I broke it off today. I told him I deserved better. Good for you. You're saving yourself all kinds of heartache by ending this now before you become deeply involved and your emotions are so engaged you'd rather die than end things. You do deserver better. Don't ever settle for less. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 It seemed as though he needed affection, which, at the time, I was longing for as well. I never said I was proud of what happened. I understand this. It is human. Our very real need for affection can often lead us down the wrong path. The affection you get with a married man is just a temporary fix. Sooner or later that afffection turns to anger and resentment and you end up with a very broken heart. Sweetie, learn to protect that heart from potentially dangerous situations. Give it away to someone who will cherish it (and even then, not all of it. Always keep a part of it under wraps for yourself only). Link to post Share on other sites
writeon Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 As a person who suffers from depression, you really have no idea what is happening with his wife. No matter what you heard on the phone it is still a snippet of what there life is like. And you have no idea whether or not he contributes to the depression that she has. Mr. Messy Pants, knew what buttons to push and he did. It only drove me deeper into depression, which made me angrier and out of control, which made him push more buttons. It is a cycle that only ends when a therapist is brought in, not another woman. True. Embra... maybe his wife is depressed in part because her husband says he's "single" in "online networking sites" until he finds a woman naive enough (sorry, no offense) to believe his "woe is me" stories and make him "feel better" by having an affair with him. How is that supposed to help her depression? I think he should be putting all of his effort/ energy into helping his wife with her problem, NOT into another woman. You sound very smart, and you yourself said that this situation is "not you." I think you can do WAY better than this pathetic excuse of a husband and father. There are much better men out there, who wouldn't subject you or their wives to this kind of treatment. I agree that your question "why does he stay for the kids?" is misplaced... I think you should be asking "why do I let a man with a wife and kids use me?" I'm sorry if I sound harsh, I'm just hoping that everyone here has helped open your eyes a bit to this man's REAL agenda. Link to post Share on other sites
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