Is something going on or not?

[icebreaker]

Where do I begin?

 

Well I was attracted to this individual, but things never developed into a relationship. She played the cat and mouse game with me, and I got tired of the game and moved on. It's been 10 months now. Intermittently she would contact me. But I'd say 99.9% of the contact has been initiated on her part. She has asked me out or suggested she was available, but I haven't gone out with her until just recently...

 

I'm hoping some of you might be able to provide insight into her behavior or what she is thinking. Here are what I consider some of the relevant facts.

 

1. Although she presents herself as very confident. She is very insecure, which is surprising because she is very gorgeous.

 

2. She gets extremely jealous of other women and my mentioning of them.

 

3. She has a boyfriend. But she doesn't share much about him. And what she shares is very general.

 

4. She lives off of attention. and dresses the part.. I know.. I know... red flag, but read further before passing judgement.

 

Okay back to my situation... She's been trying for a few months to have dinner or drinks. But because of scheduling and my reluctance we never really got together.

 

Until now....

 

She arranges have dinner on her. I thought that's fine, we'll have a good time, etc. On the day of dinner, she alters our plans by including a girlfriend of hers. I was not too keen on it for obvious reasons. One reason being we couldn't focus on each other and another reason was is she trying to set me up with the other. Either way I don't like a third wheel being there.

 

We meet at a nice quaint restaurant. Her friend was nice. But some of the topics (i.e. sex preferences, etc.) we discussed should have been left for another time. During the meal, I did not sense a genuine interest by the friend. Where it was obvious she was attracted to me. It was more about getting to know each other and just friendly interaction. In fact, my girl (I'm saying this only to distinguish her from the other) shared my plate of food with me, which would be odd if she was playing matchmaker. Not to forget that she dressed rather provocatively.

 

Here's another thing that threw me, my girl during the dinner had a vengeful demeanor to her. There was an element of anger in some of the comments she made. She wasn't very warm to me, which I would expect considering we haven't seen each in so long.

 

She enjoyed the fact that I became annoyed by the constant visits by the male waiters. It wasn't because of her, but just their overboard attention. Also, her friend and her seemed to have been up to something. Working as a team so to speak. But in general we had a good time and I picked up the tab without question.

 

After dinner ended we said our farewells. No commitments. Although I sensed she was hoping to spend some time during the holidays.

 

The following day, she forwarded an e-mail from the girlfriend without comment. The e-mail was to thank me and saying how I'm such a sweet person. She also thanked my girl for inviting her, etc.... A few hours later she e-mailed me with less praise, but suggesting a future dinner engagement. I did respond to her basically saying I hoped she enjoyed it without committing to anything. I should also mention during dinner, they suggested going dancing in the future, and I was non-commital. Saying "I don't know". She got a little upset over that. Please understand I'm very reluctant to head down the same path.

 

So, here it is.....

 

What is the logic to her bringing the friend after not seeing her so long?

Does she see me as a great guy for her friend, but I find this hard to believe because she is so selfish in sharing men. is the friend there to act as an emotional security blanket.

 

Generally, I'm of the opinion, that when a woman brings a female friend along it's a signal that she's not interested, but....... I have shown no signs of interest in the last 10 months and if anything, I've pulled away. Don't get me wrong I still have limited feelings, but I can really do with out her. To me her actions of making contact and wanting to have dinner says there is more interest on her part. This inviting of the friend thing really bothers me because I feel like there was some baiting and switching going on.

 

Also, have any of you out there enlisted your friend to manipulate the situation? And if so, what do you think is going on here?

 

The forwarding of the e-mail without comment struck me. What is she thinking? Her no comment in my opinion means she doesn't want to set me up because she wold have provided some input about her friend. It must have bothered her to no end that her friend praised me because I believe up to that point, I must have been the most evil human being.

 

Lastly, what should I expect???

[Blue Eyed Brain]

It sounds as if the both of you are interested in each other but are both too insecure to take the initiative. As the man, I would assume that you would do the asking. Because she did, it makes the whole thing uneasy.

 

The part with the friend? Well, I think your Girl is interested but doesn't understand your actions. So, to be close to you, she introduces you to her friend to see your reaction. This way your Girl can control things. I think you and the other girl are in the middle.

 

If you want your Girl, than ask her out. If you don't, let it go and be done with it.

[Freddy]

Blue Eyed Brain: Those can't seriously be your real eyes?

 

Go out with her friend instead.

[icebreaker]

Thanks for the quick response folks!

 

Blue Eyed Brain says:

 

It sounds as if the both of you are interested in each other but are both too insecure to take the initiative. As the man, I would assume that you would do the asking. Because she did, it makes the whole thing uneasy.

 

 

I admit there is some limited interest on my part. On her part it is very hard to gauge. I'm definitely not insecure and have shown in the past to be agressive towards initiating things. But because of some scarring when dealing with her, I've been real reluctant to accept anything beyond a friendship. Sure she might expect me to do the asking, but I know she senses that I've been hurt by her actions and any initiating will have to be done on her part. I should add that I told her I would not be contacting her and it's up to her to maintain the relationship. And so far I've been true to my word.

 

The part with the friend? Well, I think your Girl is interested but doesn't understand your actions. So, to be close to you, she introduces you to her friend to see your reaction. This way your Girl can control things. I think you and the other girl are in the middle.

 

What is there not to understand on her part? What actions would cause confusion? Are you saying because I'm not responding to her or doing what most guys do and that is basically worship her that it sets in motion a world of confusion?

 

You say she introduces me to the friend to see my reaction. Is she bringing her into the picture to see if I back out of our plans, which is her way of sabotaging things? Is that what you mean? Also, when a girl brings the friend along is she trying to obtain validation as to what kind of guy I am. I mean they were throwing some odd subjects at me and I wasn't affected at all by it. It's obvious I received a favorable review because of the good impression e-mail I received.

 

If you want your Girl, than ask her out. If you don't, let it go and be done with it.

 

I will ask her out and go from there. I have no expectations other than to enjoy her company. The thing is, the moment I show any interest, she runs away quicker than a gazelle chased by a cheetah.

 

Freddy says:

 

Go out with her friend instead.

 

Is this a test on her part? To see if I take the bait. Would a girl knowing she has a good chance of losing a man sacrifice him to a relationship to with a friend. Only to retrieve him at some later time when she's ready? I know this sounds crazy, but I get the impression that she's all about the challenge & drama and this would be the ultimate.

 

OR maybe she will use the friend to develop a platonic relationship with me as a source of information i.e. what my true feelings for her are, etc. to assist her in moving forward.

 

Ultimately, my impression is, she is very confused. She doesn't know what she wants and has difficulty making a decision. I will just let things take their course and see what develops.

 

Thanks!