belle_07 Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Am I crazy for getting upset about the fact that my boyfriend of 2 and a half years occasionally goes to a strip club??? He has told me that he only goes because his friends want to. He also feels guilty when I get him to confess that he went. But he is a guy, and I know he enjoys being there! It is just that it makes me feel inadequate. I don't want to fool around with him if he was turned on by a stripper! I can't help but wonder if he is actually thinking about me or not! To make the situation worse, he wants me to go along sometime! Some of our female friends have gone with them, and now they are trying to get me to go too. There is a part of me that wants to go just to make my boyfriend happy. But I would feel very uncomfortable going along. I just don't know what to do. Any response/advice would be appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 You have a perfect right to your feelings. However, this calls for a bit of understanding and trust. Strippers rarely have anything to do with their customers so you need not worry there. Some men, such as your boyfriend, seem to enjoy getting together with the boys and going to a strip club to have a few drinks and watch naked ladies dance. It's more of a social occasion and less a sexual arrousal experience. I wouldn't worry about it unless it becomes a frequent thing. Then it does become disrespectful to you and you would need to put your foot down. It's unfortunate that he hangs around with a group that finds this type of thing an acceptable way to socialize but whatever.... Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Should you be upset? I think the question is ARE you upset. And should you go to the strip club with them. Again, I think the question is do you want to go with them? Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 3, 2003 Share Posted June 3, 2003 Women are not as visual as men. At least that's what science says. I've been once, and found it revolting. But that's me, and I'm pretty old fashioned. My point is, unless those other girls are faking the enjoyment... why do they enjoy it? Personally, I would get my friend girls and home girls set for an evening at a dance club the next time the guys decide they need an evening of testosterone and strippers. Have you own party of dancing and entertainment, gossip and a few drinks, guys will ask you dance, have an innocent time and a great night out... The guys may not even want to go after that, or hopefully join you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted June 5, 2003 Share Posted June 5, 2003 But he is a guy, and I know he enjoys being there! not all guys want to go there Seriously though, if this is bothering you, you need to talk to him about it. Tell him that you do not approve of him going to these things, that it hurts your feelings. You don't have to be ok with this just because he is. Link to post Share on other sites
belle_07 Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 First of all, I would like to thank you all for your input/advice. Where I stand now... I have told my boyfriend that I do not like it that he goes to strip clubs. Unfortunately, this has just made him not want to tell me when he does go (which, I must admit, is not that often). However, if I directly ask him if he went, he admits to it because he can not lie to me - and if he does try, he usually caves and eventually tells me anyway. I might not be able to prevent him from going in the future, but at least he knows that I would be upset when I find out. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 Maybe you can't stop him from going, but you don't have to sit at home either.... As I said, I would make a girls night out.... Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 NEONINK has a good point. No "double standards." What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If talking to him about it doesn't work, I think I'd be tempted to give him a good taste of his own medicine. And don't be fooled. Women are just as "visual" as men. Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO If talking to him about it doesn't work, I think I'd be tempted to give him a good taste of his own medicine. See... now I'm all fine and good with her going to a male strip club if she wants to, but going out of spite is just immature. From her post, I don't think he's going there to hurt her, I'm not even sure she's told him if it is hurting her (which shes also not clear on). But if she just acts on revenge and spite, that relationship is going nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 "From her post, I don't think he's going there to hurt her" Depending on the state you live in, many of these places allow the dancers to strip completely off, including g-string. Is he getting lap dances? etc... That hurts, whether there's intent or not, especially after she stated her side. And it's not tit for tat... to say: don't sit home crying and feeling sorry for yourself because he's out playing. Get out and have some fun of your own. He can join her or not. If feeling sorry for ourselves worked... we could all have a pity party. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 See... now I'm all fine and good with her going to a male strip club if she wants to, but going out of spite is just immature. Who said anything about a "male strip club?" What I'm saying, is that if he's off doing his own thing, than she should have the freedom to do the same...WITHOUT having to be drug to some boobie bar to watch drunk, drooling, frat boys shove money into sweaty g-strings. If he has no regard for her feelings concerning this, than the relationship is already "going nowhere." From her post, I don't think he's going there to hurt her, I'm not even sure she's told him if it is hurting her (which shes also not clear on). She has been clear on this point: Where I stand now... I have told my boyfriend that I do not like it that he goes to strip clubs. Unfortunately, this has just made him not want to tell me when he does go So NOW, who's being immature and spiteful? Link to post Share on other sites
Gray Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 I didn't see her second post, sorry about that belle. So neon I agree with you for different reasons, just because they're naked doesn't imply hurt. I have girlfriends who don't care at all if their boyfriends go, so i think intent is a big thing, BUT since i did miss her second post, you come to the right conclusion anyways. Enigma, I agree, since he is doing it against her explicit wishes, the relationship is on the rocks already. Her acting out of spite though is not the answer you say "I think I'd be tempted to give him a good taste of his own medicine". That is the definition of spite. If she wants to go out and have fun, she 110% should. In a perfect world they'd both go out to a normal bar and play a game of darts. Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO So NOW, who's being immature and spiteful? Are you referring to me with this Enigma? You're implying that. I'm giving you the chance to place blame elsewhere... think about this enigma. Think deeply on this. Read my post. Notice I never attacked anyone. Notice I didn't say a disparaging word about ANYONE! Think carefully about this. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 6, 2003 Share Posted June 6, 2003 Oh good grief! Of course I was not referring to "you." I was referring to the OP's boyfriend. Read response's carefully, Gray...even "twice" if you have to, before interpreting what isn't there... Good luck Belle! Link to post Share on other sites
selh Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 I don't understand how people think it's OK to go to a strip club. ESPECIALLY when they are married or in a committed relationship. It's cheating. Has society beomce so desensitized that married men/women can spend the family's hard earned money soliciting sexual acts from another person. It is a very destructive behavior. In response to "Should I be mad my boyfriend goes to strip clubs" You've asked him not to. He doesn't respect you enough not to go. What a shame. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 How the hell is it cheating? Are they making out? Are they having sex? NO. It's a show. An up close and personal show. That's not cheating. The strippers, more often than not, want NOTHING to do with the guy they're dancing for, it's all for money. Any guy who thinks a stripper likes him is a moron. Same goes for Hooters waitresses. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 It's cheating. Has society beomce so desensitized that married men/women can spend the family's hard earned money soliciting sexual acts from another person Um. Strip clubs: women dance while taking off clothes Brothels: women have sex for money These are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
toots307 Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 I think everyone is overreacting big time. The guy is being honest with her and even wants her to come along. He's just hanging out watching girls - whoopie!! My bf goes occasionally and if he made it a regular habit I'd be mad but once in awhile - so what?? I think she should go next time to see what it's all about. No one wants to be told what they can and can't do when they are doing something harmless. Too many people try to change their partners - he occasionally went to strippers when they met I bet. As long as he's just watching and not getting private dances I think it's fine. And don't get me wrong - people do change when they pair up just basically adjusting to new rules and each other's lifestyles. And I wouldn't worry about what he's thinking when he's with you - anybody's mind can wander during sex. We are humans - we have the ability to think. Link to post Share on other sites
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