desparely in need of help Qiuck!!

[Silver Spring]

Loveshack, I hope that you can help me. I am in the greatest need of help!! To start of I am a teenager of sixteen. I started to become more than friends with a girl last year. We went to homecoming and we both had the most fun we had ever had at a dance before. So, a couple weeks after the dance we started to go out. It was great, but I have to say that I was inexperienced in having a relationship, so it was sort of elementary. We wrote notes and flirted, the usual, except any physical contact. (Like kissing) Well I was in a winter sport and she wasn't and I guess we just grew apart or something. We started dating of going out in October, and then ended breaking up before Christmas break in December. Then, after my sport was over, though she came to all of my events and we were still pretty good friends, we started to feel something again, but this only lasted for maybe two weeks and then we seemed to be even farther apart from each other. I'm not sure that she was farther from me than I was from her. I would get sooooooo jealous when she would flirt with another guy, or just smile with another guy. (Also the second time we were dating we didn't kiss or anything, held hands at the most.) Well, then school ended and it was summer break. I went out with a couple of friends to a movie and she came too. We sat next to each other and something just sparked. The week after that I had to go to camp. (The neat thing was I was ready to try again, only this time I got some help from one of my friends who I think is the smoothest guy I know.) His advice worked like magic. We were back together the week after I got back home from camp. We were both at a bonfire and we were just sitting next to each other and I just reached out and grabbed her hand and that was that. The advice I got from my friend helped me tremendously since I had no idea what to do in some situations. And the girl is one that thinks that the guy has to make every move. We even moved forward in kissing and embracing. We were going pretty well for a while, then about one week before school started she didn't seem to be the same. It felt like the only time she even cared that I was with her was right before I left. We would be out with a group of friends and I would ask her to go for a walk just me and her, and she would just say, "no, lets just stay here." Then as I walked to the car to leave, she would hang on to my arm and then it seems like she just realized that I was her boyfriend. Also it seemed that if it were ever any trouble to do something with me she would just forget it, while I tried to be with her. We started to just see each other during the weekends and even when we did it would only be for about two hours. Then school started again. She got even worse then. I would look for her in the hallways and when she would pass by she would pretend not to see me or she would just deliberately look the other way. She does have to work hard at school, and to tell the truth school is a lot easier for me than it is for her. But some days I would leave school so mad that I didn't get to say anything to her the whole day, but I think that she didn't care. Well, after about two or three weeks of school, I went over to her house one night, which I started to do a little more often, not too much. Well when I went over there, I knew something was going to happen, I just had this strange feeling. Well we talked for about an hour and we both agreed that it seemed that we weren't the same anymore. Basically, she said that she didn't feel anything anymore. So then I asked her if she ever felt anything out of curiosity, and she said that there was definitely something before. I still felt for her and I told her that I still liked her a lot. Well we ended up becoming friends and well as you probably know that never goes quite as well as planned. After the first couple of days, I felt kind of good like I had some freedom, but then after maybe four days I would just see her in the hall way and feel like kicking myself so hard! Now I will catch her glancing at me and me at her all the time. When I see her I look at her and go nuts and just to look into her eyes drives me crazy. Well, finally getting to my problem, I went to an after game dance on Friday, as a single guy, and it was fun, it just killed me though when our paths would cross and she would just sort of drift away from me. We still danced together during one slow song and I felt like holding her so close and not letting go. But I played like I was cool and that I was having fun and didn't show my emotions. Well homecoming is this Saturday night and I asked her to it before we broke up. But we are still going together, just as friends though, she told me the night we broke up that she wouldn't want to go with anyone else. I don't know, I still have this deep feeling for her. I'm not sure to try and make a move at the dance Saturday or what. I seriously want to get back together. One drawback, though is I asked her that if something did happen would she want to give it a try, when we broke up and her words were, "honestly... no” that sort of shot an arrow through my heart, but still I want to do something to try again I have, seriously and honestly think that we could make our relationship work this time, I think that I have grown, and that we could move in our relationship. Well I desperately want to get back together with her and I think that this Saturday at homecoming will be the best time to try. Can you PLEASE HELP ME?!!

 

Silver Spring

[Ryan]

Sounds like being sixteen alright. This isn't a time of life that is about deep feelings. It just doesn't happen. The teenage years are more for experimenting with relationships to understand yourself and others better. I don't think she acted all that unusual, and she seems to be making herself clear that she tried things with you and it just didn't happen. She isn't going to have changed and you aren't going to have changed since all of this fiasco began. This just isn't going to work right now. A failed relationship isn't necessarily a failure. It is a time to reflect on what went right and what went wrong. You grow a little and learn a little to hopefully apply to your future relationships. Don't cling to this, it's not the be all and end all. If and when she is ready to try again, she will let you know.