Woggle Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Last night I was talking to my friend going through the divorce and he is giving me the same crap about how my wife will eventually do to me what his wife did to him. Just because his wife is a no good cheater that must mean every woman is in his book. Within a few days of knowing his ex I knew she was no good but she was blonde and thin so she was the perfect one for him. I have much more discerning taste in the opposite sex so I don't expect my wife to do the same. He wants me to leave my wife so we can be players together. I know he is hurting and I really do feel bad for him but he is becoming very anoying with this negativity. It's like he wants me to be miserable because he is. I want to be there for him and I don't want to abandon a man in need but I wish he would stop trying to ruin my marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Hey Woggle, What's with the blond and thin thing anyway? I'm blond too but not that thin, haha!! Anyway, you are far too mature and stable in your thinking to let a friend influence your marriage let alone your character! Just tell him you understand what he is going through but to leave your marriage out of the discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 10, 2007 Author Share Posted December 10, 2007 Hey Woggle, What's with the blond and thin thing anyway? I'm blond too but not that thin, haha!! Anyway, you are far too mature and stable in your thinking to let a friend influence your marriage let alone your character! Just tell him you understand what he is going through but to leave your marriage out of the discussion. I don't mean to insult blonde and thin women but his ex is the typical woman a lot of men lust after and as far as I can see that is the only thing she has to offer. I guess this is a sign that I am moving on from my issues because his rants used to have me ready to divorce my wife but I now look at him and as sad and pathetic. If he keeps this attitude up he will never find a good woman because none will want him. Link to post Share on other sites
SidCaesar Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Misery loves company man...he just is bitter and angry and wants someone to commiserate with. But, as an aside, don't let your guard down on the wife either...it's great to love someone and completely trust them, but if there's one thing that gets 'em every time, it was that "never say never" attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Tell him you want to continue to be friends with him and support him during his time of need. Then tell him that doesn't include his disrespect of your wife and your relationship. Tell him if he continues to do so you'll have no choice but to abandon the friendship. Make sure that he knows you have no intention of leaving your wife and being a player with him. Let him know you want to support him through this but your relationship is off limits as far as his opinions. My husband had this problem with one of his friends who had just gone through a bad breakup. This tactic worked. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I don't mean to insult blonde and thin women but his ex is the typical woman a lot of men lust after and as far as I can see that is the only thing she has to offer. I guess this is a sign that I am moving on from my issues because his rants used to have me ready to divorce my wife but I now look at him and as sad and pathetic. If he keeps this attitude up he will never find a good woman because none will want him.I must say, your attitude certainly has changed in the last year or so Woggle.....I'm impressed! I think it's time for you to let your buddy know that you're no longer interested in other women....... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I think you need new friends. People that want to be in a loving, commited relationship need to surround themselves with people that feel the same way. It's really hard not to be influenced by people like your friend. Especially given your background and track record of self-doubting. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 You can be a friend, but detach yourself from his problems. Have empathy, sympathy for his pain, but that's all. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into his way of thinking right now because he is bitter and pissed off at women in general and how his life is going. He can try all he wants to ruin your marriage, but it won't happen because YOU have the power to stop that from happening. If you feel resentment after spending time with him, maybe that's a sign to distance yourself emotionally from him so what he does and says doesn't have any effect on you or your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 He wants me to leave my wife so we can be players together. I know he is hurting and I really do feel bad for him but he is becoming very anoying with this negativity. It's like he wants me to be miserable because he is. WTF kind of friend is this? I'd never let someone dis-respect my marriage or question the bond between me and my wife. Not right... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Last night I was talking to my friend going through the divorce and he is giving me the same crap about how my wife will eventually do to me what his wife did to him. Just because his wife is a no good cheater that must mean every woman is in his book. Within a few days of knowing his ex I knew she was no good but she was blonde and thin so she was the perfect one for him. I have much more discerning taste in the opposite sex so I don't expect my wife to do the same. He wants me to leave my wife so we can be players together. I know he is hurting and I really do feel bad for him but he is becoming very anoying with this negativity. It's like he wants me to be miserable because he is. I want to be there for him and I don't want to abandon a man in need but I wish he would stop trying to ruin my marriage. Wow Woggle. This is so different to what you would have posted when you first joined. It is fantastic you think like this now. Seriously, tell your friend to shut his mouth. Tell him you love your wife and your friendship relies on him letting this go. It is sad what he is going through, but he has no right to do this, not much of a friend IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I also find it kind of ironic that your friend seems to harbor alot of the similiar (general) feelings that you once harbored (maybe still fight against). Kind of like talking to your former self a little...maybe? I agree that you need to let him know where the line is in your discussions. Don't let poisoned thoughts seep into your marriage. A married friend of mine had a issue with a cheater friend that wanted to confide in her. She had to finally tell her to just stop. They are icey friends now. Chilly. Of course no one is supposed to know...the whole city knows...whatever with that chick. She sure as heck never asked me anything...probably because she knows I'll tell her straight up what I think. People are funny sometimes. He will eventually find other boys to have his revenge with and he should leave you out of those stories as well. It might just be a process he has to work through. Just be there for him when and if you can, but not at the expense of what you hold dear. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Wow Woggle. This is so different to what you would have posted when you first joined. It is fantastic you think like this now. I agree, it's great that you're capable of thinking clearly about women and treating these situations individually as they should be. Tell your friend that you appreciate his concern and that you're confident in your marriage. He must be feeling the same way you do/have in your "Woggle moments" Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I know what your friend is doing because I did it myself. Before I left my marriage I was very unhappy and I used to vent to my neighbor friend about my husband and she would speak not so nicely about hers. It's like I was bringing negative feelings to her and making her focus on the bad of her guy. I'm pretty embarrassed that I did that. But I moved away from her and we rarely speak anymore and now when we do it's mostly small talk, never about my ex or her husband. But I still feel bad that I puked all my bad energy on her. I think you should do like WWIU says. Detach yourself from him and his feelings. His wife is nothing at all like your wife. If anything try to focus on the differences between them and count your lucky stars. And limit the time you spend around him, especially if he is in another one of his moods. PS I'm exit 25, not 20 like I said before. I noticed that today. I'm not a blonde but sometimes I act like one! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted December 11, 2007 Author Share Posted December 11, 2007 My friend used to be a good guy devoted to his wife and he had that part of him killed and spit on by a no good cheater so I very much understand why he is the way he is. A man doesn't just wake up one day and decide to be a bitter misogynist and nothing hurts a man inside more than doing the right thing and having it blow up in your face. That being said he needs to accept the fact that I will not leave my wife so we can chase women together. IWe can have fun together but I have found a rare gem and I am not about to give her up. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Look, I am blonde, thin and I do not cheat.....but I know the type you are refering to......she thinks she is it and he should be happy to have her.....I hate that type because I use to be one ! Not the cheating part, but the I can have what I want bull----- ! Well, I found out what an idiot I was and how bad that hurts others. No one is any better than the other....we all deserve to be appreciated and loved. You friend is like my H best friend....going through a D so, lets party dude.....M H is dumb enough to go with it, so I am history. Family and spouse come before friends, if not....do not be married ! Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 It takes a certain amount of strength and comfort with yourself to be able to help someone in such a difficult emotional state, yet not get pulled in. If you can do this, then I applaud you for being there for your good friend. If you can't, then you have to attend to yourself first. After all, how much good can you be to your friend if you're getting sucked down with him? Link to post Share on other sites
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