She cheated on me with my best friend...

[yeahmso]

I have been dating a girl who's been my best friend for the last year. Shes also friends with my best guy friend who's been my best friend since Sophmore year of high school. (college freshman now).

 

I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with him...had sex...easily around a good dozen times probably more. It was apparently an ongoing thing until the last few weeks when they decided to "Stop" because of me.

 

after i busted her about it tonight, they both started freaking out...crying. she was sincere from what i could tell, and left me numerous messages crying, pleading for me to forgive her. It was real sincerity she could barely breathe on the phone

plus the whole time during our relationship she always wrote to me, texted me, videochat, etc. all the time telling me she misses me while i'm away at college and even sometimes crying about it.

 

Shes in the hospital now after i told her i didn't want to talk to her... didn't tell her i'm breaking up with her or i hate her or anything...wont go into detail, but its because after i found out.

 

right now...i don't know what to do or feel. As cliche' as it sounds, i feel numb. I thinks its shock right now, sine this happened...8 hours ago?

 

Not only did they betray me, they were my two only real friends I had. so...now i dont know what to do...

[Phateless]

Give yourself some time to level out and gain some perspective on the situation before you tell her anything. If she really loves you like she says she does, how could she do that to you? As for him... he's history. How can you trust him? You're in college, you will definitely make new friends and meet new girls.

 

That sucks bro... I can't believe people are that low.

[Davey McG]

Don't take her back. It may make you feel better in the short term, but it will complicate your life A LOT in the long term - and in a bad way.

 

It's a really bad thing that they did and I have to echo Phateless's words:

You're in college, you will definitely make new friends and meet new girls.

 

Take some time to get over it and let her live with the consequences of her actions, she's a big girl now she has to deal with them without your help.

[lovelorcet]

This is just awful!

 

All I have to say is you need to kick both their a$$es to the curb.

[Tripper]

I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with him...had sex...easily around a good dozen times probably more. It was apparently an ongoing thing until the last few weeks when they decided to "Stop" because of me.

 

Not only did they betray me, they were my two only real friends I had. so...now i dont know what to do...

 

 

This sucks, dude. But better you found out now exactly what kind of "friends" they were. "Stop" because of you??? Heck they should have never started because of you. At this point they should be history; you don't need this in your life.

 

Take some time to come to grips with this whole mess, focus on yourself and your studies. When the time is right you will make new friends and move forward.

[Tripper]

I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with him...had sex...easily around a good dozen times probably more. It was apparently an ongoing thing until the last few weeks when they decided to "Stop" because of me.

 

Not only did they betray me, they were my two only real friends I had. so...now i dont know what to do...

 

 

This sucks, dude. But better you found out now exactly what kind of "friends" they were. "Stop" because of you??? Heck they should have never started because of you. At this point they should be history; you don't need this in your life.

 

Take some time to come to grips with this whole mess, focus on yourself and your studies. When the time is right you will make new friends and move forward.

[yeahmso]

thank you for the posts:

 

 

When i say these people were my BEST friends, I truly mean it. I literally hung out with them daily. Stayed over their houses all the time. Really close. Its only been a few hours after hearing about this but i still cant even get mad at them. No hate at all... Why?

 

I just got a call from her right now. She's an absolute wreck...

 

I really feel for her though. I mean, in terms of being friends we've been so close.

 

And also i'm transferring from this college to a brand new school this next semester... So the whole friend thing...I dunno.

[Tripper]

No hate at all... Why?

 

I just got a call from her right now. She's an absolute wreck...

 

 

I feel for you, bro'... You're still numb from the whole discovery. Once you that passes you'll probably feel anger then sadness.. Just remember this is not your fault or doing. Be strong.

 

She's a wreck?? She should have thought of the outcome before she hopped in the sack and boinked your buddy. Sorry, I can feel much compassion for her doing something as sordid as this. I mean, your buddy, fercryin'outloud.

[madgun68]

I'm in agreement with what has already been posted. Get rid of them.. Both of them.

 

It says a lot about the both of them that neither one of them thought about YOU until this had occurred at least a dozen times.

 

If you're even going to speak to her again, don't do it right away. Allow what has happened to sink in and the shock of it to wear off. Then, if you feel you want to, hear what she has to say.. Although I wouldn't take her back at this point under any circumstances.. You'll never be able to trust her again.

[Phateless]

Don't speak a word to her. As of this moment she does not exist. Take everything in your life that reminds you of her and put it out of sight. You don't have to dispose of it just get it the hell out of sight! Delete her from your phone, myspace, aim, EVERYTHING! Do not contact her, do not respond if she contacts you. Freeze her the @$ out!!! Let her go insane, she deserves it. She did this to herself.

 

Same for your "friend." From this moment on, they do not exist.

[underpants]

These people are toast.

 

Look, I don't care if she is feeling really bad, or even in the hospital. That screams of guilt and manipulation tactics to me. She dug that hole, the kindest thing you could do for her is to let her crawl out on her own.

 

As for your buddy....ditto.

 

Unfortunately, losing you from their lives is a painful consequence. Losing them from your lives is a new found freedom to make room for more deserving souls.

 

You don't want leeches, you want true friends you can count on.

 

I would just ignore all contact for a good long (forever) long time from either.

 

Besides it is entertaining on some level to see people steep in their own self inflicted guilt. I am a jaded person though. They might learn a little but this is not going to happen if you forgive too soon. Heck, it might never happen or at least without a few more ...errors in judgement on their parts. Do you really want to let one or both of them betray your trust again?

 

Onwards and upwards.

[Phateless]

These people are toast.

 

Look, I don't care if she is feeling really bad, or even in the hospital. That screams of guilt and manipulation tactics to me. She dug that hole, the kindest thing you could do for her is to let her crawl out on her own.

 

As for your buddy....ditto.

 

Unfortunately, losing you from their lives is a painful consequence. Losing them from your lives is a new found freedom to make room for more deserving souls.

 

You don't want leeches, you want true friends you can count on.

 

I would just ignore all contact for a good long (forever) long time from either.

 

Besides it is entertaining on some level to see people steep in their own self inflicted guilt. I am a jaded person though. They might learn a little but this is not going to happen if you forgive too soon. Heck, it might never happen or at least without a few more ...errors in judgement on their parts. Do you really want to let one or both of them betray your trust again?

 

Onwards and upwards.

 

You should respect yourself enough to NOT EVER SPEAK TO EITHER OF THEM AGAIN. You deserve better than that in your life and you should not accept anything less.

[yeahmso]

Thanks again fo the posts.

 

I have deleted her and him from all my contacts lists. Both things.

 

The thing that confuses me is that both have them have been there for me in the past.

 

Now im getting that it was like 5... times? no more than that?

 

 

I dont know who or what to believe, but right now im not talking to them for a couple of days until i know i can think rationally.

 

 

but they both had a story... i want to believe her, and my guy friend isnt the most reliable person in the world... but never thought of this happening

 

Usually i probably wouldn't be like this. This has happened to me before with an ex and she ****ed me over after i took her back, i just feel that this girl is much more honest. Hard to explain but, maybe i just want to believe it feels different.

 

=\

[Phateless]

Thanks again fo the posts.

 

I have deleted her and him from all my contacts lists. Both things.

 

The thing that confuses me is that both have them have been there for me in the past.

 

Now im getting that it was like 5... times? no more than that?

 

 

I dont know who or what to believe, but right now im not talking to them for a couple of days until i know i can think rationally.

 

 

but they both had a story... i want to believe her, and my guy friend isnt the most reliable person in the world... but never thought of this happening

 

Usually i probably wouldn't be like this. This has happened to me before with an ex and she ****ed me over after i took her back, i just feel that this girl is much more honest. Hard to explain but, maybe i just want to believe it feels different.

 

=\

 

You're just used to the way they treat you. It feels familiar so it doesn't seem that bad, but it is. As soon as you get some new and better friends, you will realize by comparison how bad it was with these two. Anybody that would do this to you, no matter what the story, does not deserve to be around you.

 

I feel guilty flirting with the girl I know my friend is after when we both just met her and I've only known my friend a month. I would never in a million years touch one of my friends' gfs. Hell, I usually sit on the other side of the room from these girls. I'm friendly and I talk to them but I want NO opportunities for anything weird to happen.

 

edit - if EITHER of them cared about you at all, this would not have happened. Sex is consensual, so both parties have to be into it. BOTH of them, 12 times. %&*# them both.

[underpants]

OMG,

 

That's it. I am now considering cheating on my next partner. Is this really the way to a man's heart? To just twist it up like a pretzel?

 

Dude, give it much longer then a couple of days. By your own admission a previous experience to which you did offer a second chance led to a mistake. You are setting up a pattern of attraction and it is not a good one.

 

She is no better then the other girl. Now she is bargaining the number of occurances? Too funny. Once, was one time too many my friend.

 

You will go through alot of emotions and anger in the next few days. Each time you feel a wave, or a need to ask them something, you need to remind yourself of what they did. There is no taking that back, or reducing the damage. It is just not a good thing to do on either of their parts.

 

Now, if you go back and forgive, well, that is your hole. How hard was it to crawl out of the last second chance you gave a cheater?

 

There are kinder people in the world that have it much more together then to hurt those they care about in such a way.

[yeahmso]

Not bargaining. Two different sides to this story.

 

Fact is yeah,they both consented. no matter how many times

 

but when one tells you its an ongoing thing and the other tells you different, its hard...

 

I just have no idea what im going to do when i get back home. they still live in jersey while im up in Vermont. I usually went out with them and all their friends, I'm not very good with the whole friend thing, awkward for me i guess. Makes it different from the first time since they both were sort of my comfortablility zone in social things.

 

I'll try not to let this get too long so i guess people can help others im sure in worse spots than me.

 

thank you again for the advice, I just need some thinking done for me right now since my brain is pretty defunked.

 

And sorry for my horrible sentence structures. I haven't been proof reading...

[Phateless]

A few years ago I literally told almost all of my friends "we are no longer friends. you guys show me no respect and it's BS. I'm done. Have a nice life" and I stuck to it. When people treated me with respect I almost didn't recognize it. I had become so accustomed to the way those guys treated me that I thought I deserved it for some reason. Twisted...

 

Two short months after I got rid of all those guys I started dating the girl I would be with for the next 5 years. That's how quickly my life improved after getting rid of them.

[yeahmso]

thanks phatless.

 

Im still only 18. got plenty of time left. Just sort of sucks at the moment i suppose heh.

[underpants]

A few years ago I literally told almost all of my friends "we are no longer friends. you guys show me no respect and it's BS. I'm done. Have a nice life" and I stuck to it. When people treated me with respect I almost didn't recognize it. I had become so accustomed to the way those guys treated me that I thought I deserved it for some reason. Twisted...

 

Two short months after I got rid of all those guys I started dating the girl I would be with for the next 5 years. That's how quickly my life improved after getting rid of them.

 

That is taking a negative and turning it into a postive.

 

Yeah, your problem is important to me, because I don't want you to think you have to put up with mistreatment. Sometimes when you allow too much of it you enable people to just turn into a holes, and that is not cool.

 

My best friend slept with my boyfriend in high school. I dumped them both and went to college a year early. I don't know whatever happened to the guy (I think he turned to drugs and went to jail). However the guilt f'd with my friend for years. Still, I just could not be her friend again. That was a million years ago and while I hope they have nice lives and that experience may have made them better people. I don't need to know how they are or what happened to them. They were a bump in the road in growing up.

 

It is okay to cut negative people out of your life. Then you make room and are better able to accept more positive people in. You are worth that.

 

Stick up for yourself and be you own best friend.

[Phateless]

thanks phatless.

 

Im still only 18. got plenty of time left. Just sort of sucks at the moment i suppose heh.

 

Yeah you do. You just have to trust me that I know what's going on from all the way over here. Ditch them, make new friends, and do a google search for the word assertiveness. It will get you far.

 

edit - if your mind is racing and you need to talk, my aim name is the same as my screen name on here. yahoo too.

[sedgwick]

She's in a psych hospital? Is she okay? Did she hurt herself?

[yeahmso]

Thank you guys, this is my first time on here and you all have been really helpful. i didnt have anyone to turn to, so this was a shot in the dark i guess.

 

yeah.. she downed a bottle of ambien. Shes ok now, but shes in intensive care right now.

 

Most ****ed up part of this: I had to call her family to get her to a hospital. I'm 300 miles away basically and couldn't do a thing, and my guy "friend" refused to do anything when i heard over the phone that she did. Said it wasn't his problem.

 

I don't care if you cheat on me, if it means your going to try and kill yourself.

obviously, i know the girl has lots of stuff going on in her life, lots of issues. I tried to help her out, but i guess she really needs to do that herself. I was just part of the ride.

[underpants]

She has family.

 

Back away...slowly...don't let her 'issues' manipulate you. In her defense she is trying to control things the only (crazy) way she knows how to. You can't fix that, only she can.

 

Honestly, the best thing you can do is leave her to work on herself. BTW, your friend is a jerk...to both of you.

 

Avoid them.

[Rooster_DAR]

thank you for the posts:

 

I just got a call from her right now. She's an absolute wreck...

 

 

Be careful here, my EX wife did the same thing as she cried and felt terrible as well, until another guy came along and she did it again.

 

Cheers!

[82knightrider]

Exact same thing happened to my ex and I in may of 2006. We just recently split for good .Looking back I wish I woulda just dropped her like a bad habit when I found out in may of 06.Because I could never trust her any more and fel insecure.All we did was fight.So I wasted a year and a half of life trying to fix a doomed relationship.

So dont look back.Never ever talk to them again and move on with your life.Trust ME!