Am I crazy?

[nateman2384]

OK,

 

I've been with my girlfriend for about 10 months. I know I love her. We argue every now and then but it isnt bad. It is a new experience to me however, I have never been in a relationship before, and I'm 22. So it is hard for me to completely comprehend what love is, and also understand the differences between men and women. I am fairly easy going, while down deep I have huge anxiety issues.

 

We live together at her apartment, however there are 3 roommates who are just horrible. Basically we live in one room, there is no space to do anything, and no personal space. Luckily this will be changing in a week as we are moving into a house, with one roommate. The current living condition has drained me, as I have no personal space and rarely have personal time as I work full time and go to school full time.

 

Basically, we will have a lot more space, and we wont be "cooped" up anymore which I feel will help so much. I just have anxiety because I've never been in a relationship before, how do I know she is the one? I love spending time with her, I gladly forfeit time with friends just to do nothing with her. We compliment each other very well, and we both respect each others future goals. We will be both graduating under-grad this spring and plan to move across the country together. The fact that I am willing to move across the country to be with her while she goes to grad school speaks for how much I care about her, and want to be here.

 

Why am I posting? I want guys in particular to respond to following questions: Do you sometimes worry about upsetting her and do everything possible to prevent it? Does your girlfriend/wife sometimes get upset at something that you can't comprehend why she would be mad about it?

 

I am new to this relationship thing, so I am sure this is fairly common, and the crappy living condition is making me more sensitive to it as I am more on the edge my self.

 

Thanks.

[Lovegod]

We live together at her apartment,

 

After ten months?

 

however there are 3 roommates who are just horrible.

 

I know an easy way to solve that... Move out and get your own place. And I'm not suggesting you take your gf with you. Leave her with the roomates. Move in together when you've got wedding plans on the go.

 

 

Luckily this will be changing in a week as we are moving into a house, with one roommate. The current living condition has drained me, as I have no personal space and rarely have personal time as I work full time and go to school full time.

 

And how is anything going to change? Roomates are a pain in the ass. Get your own place. Solo. Shack up when you're ready for marriage.

 

I just have anxiety because I've never been in a relationship before, how do I know she is the one?

 

You don't know that. You haven't been with enough women to know what you like in a woman, and what you don't like. You need to get out there and date many women until you can clearly put together a list of what you want and don't want in your ideal mate.

 

You're not ready to live with this woman, as you're giving her false hope that she's your ideal mate. Convenience is a poor excuse for doing this.

 

I love spending time with her, I gladly forfeit time with friends just to do nothing with her.

 

This isn't a good thing. You need to have a life independent of her, and need time to spend with other men to talk about man things, and to do man things. Don't abandon your friends because they'll still be there when you and her decide to call it quits.

 

The fact that I am willing to move across the country to be with her while she goes to grad school speaks for how much I care about her, and want to be here.

 

No, it just says that you're desperate to keep her around and have no life nor desire of your own. You've picked the worst time to settle down with this woman. She isn't ready to settle down yet, as she has things she needs to accomplish in her life. And you're just going to follow along like a good doggy.

 

Get yourself a life, and education, and anything else you need to provide for a family BEFORE you start a family.

 

Do you sometimes worry about upsetting her and do everything possible to prevent it?

No. A woman can NEVER be happy all the time. She's going to have bad moods, bad days, and you're going to have to deal with it. There will be many times where you cannot do anything about it. Flowers, candy, romantic cards, and all that crap don't fix anything, they're just there to add to an existing happy relationship. It's like trying to fix a flat tire with a box of salt - it doesn't work.

 

Your job is NOT to make her happy nor keep her happy. It's her job to make herself happy. You will only add to or subtract from her happiness.

 

Does your girlfriend/wife sometimes get upset at something that you can't comprehend why she would be mad about it?

 

Yes. I just tell her to come back when she's in a better mood and willing to discuss the subject with a cool head.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

The above is very good advice.

[nateman2384]

Thanks for the advice. I am going to start making time for my friends, and if she is upset tell her to come talk to me when she has had a chance to calm down.

 

I have dated other girls, and I know what i dont want. I just need to have my own personal space.

[CaliGuy]

Follow "Lovegod's" advice to "T".

[nateman2384]

I had a good talk with her last night. I am going to spend more time with the guys, and I know the feelings I am experiencing arent from her, they are my own inner problems that I've had since I was 13. Basically a hybrid of low self esteem, anxiety, and depression.

 

As far as living with her out of convenience, its not about that, it's not saving me money. I truly enjoy living with her and want to be with her forever. With my anxiety problems added with never being in this serious of relationship, it through me in a tailspin for a couple days.

 

Moving to Cali is actually great for me, as I am a web programmer, and her school is in San Jose (Silicon Valley), so it is a huge adventure for me, and a huge career opportunity. I am thankful because I probably wouldnt have the balls to move accross the country by myself. I am fortunate to have someone to share it with.

[LoveLace]

I work full time and school full time too...lack of personal space really, really gets to you.

 

Otherwise it sounds like all is going pretty smoothly with the relationship. You should enjoy the ride and not worry about weather or not she's "the one", focus on her being "the one" right now. You are only 22 and it's your 1st relationship; take it one day at a time and look forward to the future plans you have together. After just 10 mos, deciding if she's the one isn't a huge priority. I think after while, the answer to this question for a lot of people will suddenly come on like a light bulb one day. Until then just do what makes you happy.