Question For Dumper?

[smileysmile]

My ex is the dumper, but what do you dumpers feel? If you have given your fella chances to 'change' his behaviour? In the end you have been hurt to much and reluctantly you have to finish this relationship.

 

My ex has made it clear to me I "hurt" her and she needs to get over it.

She says I need to be humble as she gets over her hurt which is deep rooted.

But I have found out that a male ex work colleague gave her "support" after we split.

Figure that one out.

So you female dumpers out there. What are you feeling when you have come to the end of your patience. Enough is enough.

Read this link http://www.familyministries.com/Reconciling_husbands.htm and it will pretty much put you in the picture how my ex would be feeling because of me. Just under 3 years together and with a 12 month old daughter and now we are both living in separate houses 10 mins apart.

But if she is on one hand telling me she loathes me for putting her in this position yet on the other hand "I" found out she was having "fun" with this ex work colleague how the heck can she still be hurting? Do you women fall vulnerable into another mans arms so soon after splitting?

She says its nothing more than "light care" between 2 who have had to put up with sh*t in there relationships. Nothing else. Its a long story.

But is there a dumper who is still hurting over the fact there ex put them in this position? And they are still carrying anger towards them?

Do you end the relationship hoping in time they would change? Seeing as you may have children together you have to see your ex. I am confused.

Tell what your thoughts are as a dumper?

 

Finally. What would be the reasons for you female dumpers to sleep with another man soon after a split? In my case her now ex work colleague?

Does this "hurt" effect your loincloths?

[guessjeans]

The difference with me leaving my common law husband was that I didnt mourn the relationship because we were both single up until recently when he started dating his secretary that he hired while we were living together. She finally left her husband in october, and her and my ex were sleeping together literally, the next day or the same day! I read in all the books, all the experts tell ya, you need time alone to get to know yourself. Stand on your own feet before you can learn to stand side by side with any new relationship, whether it be your ex, or someone else. I dont get how anyone can do this. Leave one relationship, although it might have been loveless, but live in the matramonial home with your long time husband, then jump right into a relationship the literally, the next day. They work together, see each other every day, and they are inseparable from what I can see. I dont get it, defies all what Ive read. I needed this time to be out on my own. I left my parents home to living with him. I was only 17 yrs old at the time.

 

I wish I had mourned the death of the relationship 4 yrs ago. But instead, we went on with contact for 4 yrs, neither of us dating anyone else, and now, I am going through the mourning stage, now that finally, after 30 yrs, he is no longer in my life. He is no longer in love with me. I think i took his love for me for granted. But now that I have told him how i felt, he has taken my love for granted. He will probably stay with his woman for the rest of his life.

 

I guess if I had mourned the relationship like i should have 4 yrs earlier, I would have realized just how much I truly love him, and that I would have tried to work things out. But now it is too late for that. I believe that all things happen for a reason, that fate has a lot to do with what happens in our lifes. All things they say, happen for a reason. Perhaps me mourning now, is a blessing in disguise. That 4 yrs old i would have taken him back, and now I cant.

 

The lessons learned : try harder to make things work. Dont take the easy way out and think that life is better without the one you truly love. Yes, sometimes love isnt enough. Maybe that was the case with us, but I will never get that chance to try because I took for granted that he would always be there for me, when I decided I wanted him back. Dumpers do feel the pain believe me. And maybe one day, some day, these ppl will re-enter our lives because they never quite felt the same with anyone else. Either way, the experience makes you a different person for the next relationship. And really, isnt that what life is all about. We are who we are today, because of what we went through in our lives so far.

 

Guessjeans

[smileysmile]

Thanks for replying GJ.

 

I knew my ex really loved me. Though I always compared her love to my previous 12 yr relationship who 150% knew loved me. People are different in the way they show effection and I was insecure about her feelings.

I asked her on the phone 2 weeks ago that you are still angry with me? She said you're damn right!

She is trying to get over her hurt that I caused. But in the comfort of a male colleague no doubt.

She says she has known him for 3 yrs (he left 2 mths ago) and he is a nice guy. Apparently married June 2007 and was trying for a family but his solicitor (lawyer) wife didn't want kids!!?? Hmmm

I said to ex you really believe that? Married only 5 ths ago and he has just found out she doesn't want kids!!? Hmmm

Also that she told him to sort his marriage out as he told her they were now separated but living under the same roof. He pursued my ex and his persistance paid off. My ex is stunning and I can well imagine men hovering around her. He knew of her separation from me and maybe took advantage of her vulnerability.

This is what I would like to know? Are women "vulnerable" that this can happen?

I know men and what they are capable of and the BS they come out with to get in your knickers.

But I am not going to find out the truth and would be beating myself up.

He is black (not sure how black) and my ex is very fair so I know (also with her fathers views) they WON'T be anything serious but you can't help who you fall in love with as long as he is genuine. And if she did fall in love with him regardless of his colour I would be happy for her and sod anybody else. Doesn't lessen the pain I would feel but thats all my doing.

 

She has said in passing she is not bothered and IS on her OWN.

This is it you see. If my ex of 3 yrs who wanted to spend the rest of her life with me with our daughter and a possible 2nd child and this "hurt" she is going through..why did she fall for this guy to end up in bed with him?

Flirting by text messages etc?

Could it be that he made her feel good? A comfort blanket? Zzzzz

 

She is not looking for a serious relationship. But it is purely "light relief" and "physically moving on" as she puts it and it will take a long time to trust another man. She knew this man and felt comfortable with him and it wasn't as if she met him in a bar. Because lets face it, a single mum with a 1 yr old is not exactly attractive to some guys out there.

She is wary that men just want her for sex. So she has all that to face.

Her priority is our daughter and ANY man who can't handle it can take a run! More or less her own words.

 

I can't get over it. She has told me my insecurities has bruised my ego.

Gawd strewth!!

I wish we could sort all this out. Rekindle our love. Why do we men get so complacent with the woman we are supposed to love, treasure and cherish?

I must have been dropped on my head in my youth.

 

Another question? Ok this is just a phase I guess for the ex.

Has anybody (dumper) been in this situation and then later on still reconciled with there ex? Did you see changes in your ex over time?

Geezus!! Why am I hurting so much!!??