Frances Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 In life we all have to make choices that we prefer not to have to make. This woman has made her choices with what cards she has been dealt. As you get older you realize that they are not exactly what you want so you settle for the best you can. In her case she wants to keep her family life intact, what is wrong with that? He is the one that is at fault why should the family have to suffer any more than they have to for his lust. What some people do not seem to like is that she by her actions is putting her family life above everthing else. She could be part of the me me society and take him for every cent. Link to post Share on other sites
KnownTruth Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 KT, so you were there with Katanya, heard the conversation, tone and all and decided that this woman that K was talking about is unhappy and mad? You weren't there, so sorry to say this, you're putting your own spin on it and assuming this woman's life choices are making her miserable and she cries alot. Doesn't seem that way from what K has said about her. (See below.) Just putting my 2 cents in. I think there is more to the whole story than what we know. Sounds like the husband has a dog collar and controlled by a leash. I'm glad she is not letting it destroy her life having a husband who is a cheater. it just doesn't seem like a happy situation for both to be in....but it's not for me to choose. Just stating my opinion on a message board. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 a relatively intelligent woman. But, I thought I read that she had him sign over all of their assets to her, including the house should they divorce. That being the case, if she truly has custody of all of the "stuff" in their relationship, and is truly happy with him or without him, why does she not divorce the lying dog and not further subject herself to the possibility of contracting some sort of STD? Hi HAL!! The wife has that covered also. She buys condoms & keeps them on the night stand. And she sends him for HIV tests. TF Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 In life we all have to make choices that we prefer not to have to make. This woman has made her choices with what cards she has been dealt. As you get older you realize that they are not exactly what you want so you settle for the best you can. In her case she wants to keep her family life intact, what is wrong with that? He is the one that is at fault why should the family have to suffer any more than they have to for his lust. What some people do not seem to like is that she by her actions is putting her family life above everthing else. She could be part of the me me society and take him for every cent. I wouldn't say she's putting her family life above everything else...She's putting the image she wants to project above everything else... I don't care that she does that, there's many people who care more about money and property and image than they do about love and trust and authenticity...Even couples that aren't unfaithful to each other and even singles often do that... In the end it depends on the person and what they see as important...I bet that the BS doesn't want to start over and possibly not have a partner the rest of her life (I mean single mother of 5 in her late forties?)...So she settles for what she has...(there is no benefit in her leaving)...ANd lots of people settle for what they have...It's the path of least resistance...And she's the one who has to live with it, so that's her choice... To each their own... Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I wouldn't say she's putting her family life above everything else...She's putting the image she wants to project above everything else... This is the spin I was talking about that is being put on this thread by some people. Totally negative on the BS' side. Maybe she just doesn't want her kids growing up knowing their daddy is a cheating liar? Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 If you ask me, both BS and OW are losing out in this situation. They are both better off without this serial cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Just putting my 2 cents in. I think there is more to the whole story than what we know. Sounds like the husband has a dog collar and controlled by a leash. I'm glad she is not letting it destroy her life having a husband who is a cheater. it just doesn't seem like a happy situation for both to be in....but it's not for me to choose. Just stating my opinion on a message board. Yeah, but he still gets to chase p*ssy and have OW on the side. He doesn't seem that unhappy about it either, seeing as he dropped her off and picked her up from the Spa. I doubt very much their marriage is cold and unhappy, they obviously have enough glue together to make things work, it's just completely different than what most think the ideal marriage is. He gets what he wants, and she gets what she wants, and together, they get to have their house, lifestyle, family, kids, grandchildren, friends. There's companionship, and who knows what happens behind closed doors, maybe the have sex, maybe they don't. But, what they do and how it is working is good enough for them. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 She's putting the image she wants to project above everything else... And, so is he. He gets to keep that image up as well, and quietly sneak around with OW and have affairs. Seems they both have the best of both worlds, by choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Why would I go anywhere? Why would I throw away everything that I have worked so hard for and deserve just so some other woman can come in and enjoy it....He will never leave me and he will someday be too old to carry on the way he does. Every one of the women he has been with and got caught with he calls 'whores' and disrespects - I actually feel sorry for them because he uses them then throws them away - they are disposable to him but I am not!....he's been to counselling, I've made him move out a couple of times but, you know what, we have five kids, three grandchildren, a beautiful house, and he gives me whatever I ask for. He also knows after the last time I caught him cheating that I will never have sex with him again unless he uses a condom which I keep beside the bed. I had him transfer all the investments over into my name, I had him sign papers saying the house would be transferred to me if we ever divorced and I made him go have bloodwork for HIV and other STDs which humiliated him beyond belief (and he goes every six months now or he moves out)....and I gave him the choice - he could stay and love me or go and love everyone else. I won't be his victim - I'll leave that role to all the women who buy his lines and sleep with him thinking there is something at the other end. There is nothing! ....I am going to live my life and love my family and my security and he can either be a part of that or not. But the part he will never have, so long as he lives and breathes, is the confidence and knowledge that I still love and trust and worship him as I did when we married - every day he knows he destroyed that. I am the wife and mother....I am not going anywhere. If he hasn't got the guts to stand up and be a man and do what he promised to do, let him leave...but he knows it will be with nothing-and he has yet to find anyone who wants to take on the 'joys' of starting out with nothing with a middle aged, married man! At this stage in my life, I am not starting over; I am continuing on, enjoying all that I have worked hard to have......I have nothing to want for and that's how its going to stay! Just goes to show that people will trade being treated with respect and decency for a comfy life of material things. In essence this woman is no different than someone like Lizzie, afterall according to many of you Lizzie has traded in her self respect for a life of comfort and selfish needs, right? I say Kudos to her! she lives with her feet well planted on the ground and expects to get out of her relationship EXACTLY what she is getting, she is not lying to herself or anyone else for that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Just goes to show that people will trade being treated with respect and decency for a comfy life of material things. In essence this woman is no different than someone like Lizzie, afterall according to many of you Lizzie has traded in her self respect for a life of comfort and selfish needs, right? I say Kudos to her! she lives with her feet well planted on the ground and expects to get out of her relationship EXACTLY what she is getting, she is not lying to herself or anyone else for that matter. Who says she is doing it for material things? She can divorce him and be just fine financially I'm sure. FAMILY what about family? Maybe she wants her family and the life they are use to intact including going to grandmom and granpops house. I just don't understand painting this woman as someone who puts material things above all else. That's cold. Although I guess ow's are use to hearing that. Isn't that one of the mm's best excuses? She'll take him for too much money? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 TC, I agree with you 100%, nicely said! Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Who says she is doing it for material things? She can divorce him and be just fine financially I'm sure. FAMILY what about family? Maybe she wants her family and the life they are use to intact including going to grandmom and granpops house. I just don't understand painting this woman as someone who puts material things above all else. That's cold. Although I guess ow's are use to hearing that. Isn't that one of the mm's best excuses? She'll take him for too much money? It's all about "them" feeling a need to be above this woman in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I also don't see her as someone who is worried about her image. If she was so worried about image why would she betelling a group of women including one she doesn't know about her husbands cheating if she was so image concious. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I also don't see her as someone who is worried about her image. If she was so worried about image why would she betelling a group of women including one she doesn't know about her husbands cheating if she was so image concious. Very good point! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Who says she is doing it for material things? She can divorce him and be just fine financially I'm sure. She does in the opening statement to the OP. WWIU thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 So everyone is happy. The wife, her husband & his ow. Good!! TF Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 So everyone is happy. The wife, her husband & his ow. Good!! TF ...and his OW, OW, OW, OW, and OW. LMAO I agree. Everyone's happy, so why the need for some to try to paint this woman in a negative light? Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 ...and his OW, OW, OW, OW, and OW. LMAO I agree. Everyone's happy, so why the need for some to try to paint this woman in a negative light? :lmao: I agree. So then this thread has come to an end, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 So everyone is happy. The wife, her husband & his ow. Good!! TF Yeah this in fact is probably the best story to hit the OW/OM board it is a story of happy people in happy relationships of convenience...it sure beats all the pain everyone else endures in the typical stories we read about here. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I agree. Everyone's happy, so why the need for some to try to paint this woman in a negative light? Which was my point with my long-winded post. Why are the OW so bent on being negative about this woman. Enough to say she is "sad" and "pathetic"!! Sure, many of us wouldn't want the life that she has - BUT - we don't know for sure WHAT it is that she actually has. Katanya came here with another possible and plausible outcome and all the OW can do is to pick it apart. This WIFE has done nothing wrong. She has protected herself like any other smart woman with children would do. I am sure that she is no more stressed than a W not dealing with an open marriage. If he won't give her fidelity, she has settled for security. Which I am sure is far more than he is giving to his multiple OWs. Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 WOW..this thread got LONG!!! LOL Maybe she PRETENDS to be happy. If she is happy GREAT..good for her... my Q is why is she telling a stranger about her personal life? To brag about everything she could gain if the bastard gave her an STD? That's real classy...and sorry doesn't reek of "happiness" to me. If she were attempting to come across as content she would have certainly painted a BETTER picture of her H AND her M. To admit she MAKES him..her OWN husband wear a condom does NOT sound like a very happy person to me. In fact it makes her seems pretty cold and calculating. I am sorry but if it's gotten to the point where you are afraid of catching something from your OWN H....then I think divorce is the LEAST of your worries. Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Ans..for the record..I'm NOT the OW.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Although I guess ow's are use to hearing that. Isn't that one of the mm's best excuses? She'll take him for too much money? That's not the case in my situation we live in Canada there is no fault law here. They are divorcing and splitting everthing right down the middle. Furthermore I don't think it is an excuse in other places, I think a lot of people would. I would if my huband had an affair on me, I'd leave his azz and take him for everything he had...IF I didn't live in Canada, hell yeah! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Went on a 'Women's Spa Weekend" this past weekend and met several women who I did not know. Weekend was my girlfriend's idea as I've been so down lately (she has no idea why). Anyway, sitting over several glasses of wine and some great conversation, the topic of men came up (as is usually the case with that many women). One woman (married 31 years to high school sweetheart) stated her husband was a serial cheater. Could not even control the impulse and I blurted out "Why do you stay?" I expected the same story as I hear here all the time......this is the answer I got: Why would I go anywhere? Why would I throw away everything that I have worked so hard for and deserve just so some other woman can come in and enjoy it....He will never leave me and he will someday be too old to carry on the way he does. Every one of the women he has been with and got caught with he calls 'whores' and disrespects - I actually feel sorry for them because he uses them then throws them away - they are disposable to him but I am not!....he's been to counselling, I've made him move out a couple of times but, you know what, we have five kids, three grandchildren, a beautiful house, and he gives me whatever I ask for. He also knows after the last time I caught him cheating that I will never have sex with him again unless he uses a condom which I keep beside the bed. I had him transfer all the investments over into my name, I had him sign papers saying the house would be transferred to me if we ever divorced and I made him go have bloodwork for HIV and other STDs which humiliated him beyond belief (and he goes every six months now or he moves out)....and I gave him the choice - he could stay and love me or go and love everyone else. I won't be his victim - I'll leave that role to all the women who buy his lines and sleep with him thinking there is something at the other end. There is nothing! ....I am going to live my life and love my family and my security and he can either be a part of that or not. But the part he will never have, so long as he lives and breathes, is the confidence and knowledge that I still love and trust and worship him as I did when we married - every day he knows he destroyed that. I am the wife and mother....I am not going anywhere. If he hasn't got the guts to stand up and be a man and do what he promised to do, let him leave...but he knows it will be with nothing-and he has yet to find anyone who wants to take on the 'joys' of starting out with nothing with a middle aged, married man! At this stage in my life, I am not starting over; I am continuing on, enjoying all that I have worked hard to have......I have nothing to want for and that's how its going to stay! ----- she stays because this is HER life! SHE worked for it! SHE earned it! There was nothing about her that denoted sympathy or 'victim' ----- No bitterness per say, just pure fact that this was HER life and he was now but a small part of the BIG picture (kids, grandkids, enjoying the fruits of her many years of hard work, etc.) Her H's significance in her life was simply that he was accommodating to her wants and needs - and expected NOTHING from her in return as she had already done her part! I believe they get on well as far as being civil with each other - he dropped her off and was there to pick her up (in a beautfiul car I might add). Well I guess the W is agreeing to an 'open marriage' so that she is comfortable in her lifestyle, he can get all the women he wants, including his own W... so everyone is happy. Isn't it what an 'open marriage' is about? I suppose, if she wanted, she could do the same, get someone on the side....but methink it arranged her in a way, because she probably doesn't want sex anyway... A lot of women do the same but aren't just not that 'open' about it. they tolerate the A's in silence so that the reputation is not compromise, and all is good... (on the outside) lol Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 WOW..this thread got LONG!!! LOL Maybe she PRETENDS to be happy. If she is happy GREAT..good for her... my Q is why is she telling a stranger about her personal life? To brag about everything she could gain if the bastard gave her an STD? That's real classy...and sorry doesn't reek of "happiness" to me. If she were attempting to come across as content she would have certainly painted a BETTER picture of her H AND her M. To admit she MAKES him..her OWN husband wear a condom does NOT sound like a very happy person to me. In fact it makes her seems pretty cold and calculating. I am sorry but if it's gotten to the point where you are afraid of catching something from your OWN H....then I think divorce is the LEAST of your worries. I have to agree with all of this. Why brag about something like this to a complete stranger is a very good question!! I dunnow I don't see it so bad it's like having a friends with benefits under your own roof who also pays for your lifestyle.. minus all the bull$t She is not obsessing to catch him in anything and getting an ulser about it because she knows what he is up to anyway. You have to be practical and cold and very "special" to stay by the side of a serial cheater, there is no way a normally wired woman could do it, it would dive her insane. Link to post Share on other sites
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