A Bs Point Of View

[NoIDidn't]

And what's the deal with trying to make the W wrong for what the kids see?

 

She isn't the only one contributing to that. So she shouldn't shoulder all the blame.

 

Any normal mother would be appalled that her son-in-law is treating her daughter like that. But, most mother's will let their daughters make their own decisions. Especially if their daughter comes off as confident as this woman does about her decisions regarding her H.

 

Plus this woman is in her mid to late forties!! What the heck is her "mom" going to do? Send her to her room? This is a grown woman who has made a grown woman's decision. No, everyone may not agree with her, but its not everyone else's problem.

[NoIDidn't]

And again NIO..I have never "judged" this woman.I have simply offfered my POV ..just like everyone else has.

 

If her choice makes her happy..good for her......

But I don;t see her as some hero or saint because

(according to the OP) SHE chooses to overlook her H's

infidelity..for the "sake of the family". Some poeple may not SEE that

as so saintly OR smart. They MAY in fact see that as her "settling"...or

accepting that this is as good as it gets for HER.

 

I know that I am quoting your words and you see your name in my post, but I am really not answering "you" so much as the attitude expressed by many in this thread. And with "you" being a non-OP, its easier to show that I am not "biased". If you will.

 

I don't see her as a hero or a saint either. And I am aware that a lot of people do see her as settling. But my whole point has been, we don't know the whole story - so how can we make her a saint or a "ain't" without more info.

 

I don't think I have deified the woman. I simply don't see the point in dissecting her choices as if they affected me in any way.

 

I agree to disagree. We have our opinions. Mine simply is she knows what she is getting and I won't begrudge her of it. I may agree or disagree, but she obviously knows who she is, who her H is, and what kind of M they have. Nothing personal (as far as the internet goes, lol) against you or even your opinion. Mine just differs.

 

When it comes to marriage, we'd be surprised what some people will accept (or settle for, for those that want to make settling the worst thing a person can ever do). Sometimes we get what we want, and sometimes we accept what we actually get.

[PLAYBRAT]

Thank you NIO for your response. I completely respect that....and understand.

[Impudent Oyster]

Are you saying you wouldn't be embarassed if your spouse's affair was public knowledge? Please--not even the bravest fool wouldn't be embarassed.

 

No, I wouldn't be embarassed, but HE sure would.

[luvmy2ns]

I'm convinved this woman is all about the bling bling and appearance.

 

Another OW seeking that "higher pedestal" than that upon which the woman in this thread sits.

[Frances]

This woman has been married for 31 years, most likely in her fifties. 5 Adult children, 3 grandchildren, she has a family network, one she wants to hold on to I expect. Why should she let that no good h ruin that for her. She is most likely a very busy person whose life is full filled without much input from the husband.

 

A younger women would have more choices. She would most likely not have stayed at home with young children, have continued with her career and be in a better position to start a new life with maybe a new partner.

 

It is a matter of different strokes for different folks.

 

Until you walk in their shoes do not expect to know which way they need to go.

[White Flower]

I used to believe that myth, but not anymore. Don't know if it's the Baby Boomer age demographic... but I'm finding as I age (I'm in my late 40's) I am getting MORE attractive to men, not less. Younger men, men my age, older men. It's the d*mndest thing I've ever seen. Where were all these guys when I was in my 20's for crying out loud?!??

I have to agree here. I'm older, heavier, and less agile. Yet, I think women do age gracefully like a fine wine. But mostly, it is confidence that men are attracted to most. Even if you're not that condifent you sort of 'fake it til ya make it!' They'll take the age and the fat as long as you've got confidence. I've never been more approached than I am these days.

[LifesontheUp]

I do agree that if she truly is happy and is in it for the sake of the family and the love she has for her family and husband, then kudos to her for not walking away from her vows. But if she is a materialistic, money hungry woman, then no, I do not think she is any more right than her dog of a husband.

 

[oops, what happened]...

 

Bottom line is, it's her life. She cannot expect others to agree with her lifestyle just like I do not expect or give a flying duck if others agree with mine and MM's lifestyle.

 

Thats twice now you said the MM in this story is a dog. Does that mean you see your MM for what he really is then? Is he a dog too in your eyes?

[silktricks]

The arrogance exhibited in this thread is astounding.

[luvmy2ns]

The arrogance exhibited in this thread is astounding.

 

Like I was sayin'...

[reboot]

I used to believe that myth, but not anymore. Don't know if it's the Baby Boomer age demographic... but I'm finding as I age (I'm in my late 40's) I am getting MORE attractive to men, not less. Younger men, men my age, older men. It's the d*mndest thing I've ever seen. Where were all these guys when I was in my 20's for crying out loud?!??

 

I have to agree here. I'm older, heavier, and less agile. Yet, I think women do age gracefully like a fine wine. But mostly, it is confidence that men are attracted to most. Even if you're not that condifent you sort of 'fake it til ya make it!' They'll take the age and the fat as long as you've got confidence. I've never been more approached than I am these days.

This is weird. My wife and I were talking about this just the other day. She is having the exact same experience. Guys hitting on her all the time. Some of them MUCH younger than her. I've seen it a few times myself. We get separated in a store and I catch up to her only to find some guy trying to strike something up.

 

She's still quite attractive, don't get me wrong, but, just being completely objective here, she's not the 23 year old hottie I dated anymore. She's got a few extra lines and a few extra pounds now, but it sure doesn't seem to matter to the men out there.

 

I think I won't share your similar experiences with her though. Why spoil it. She gets a pretty big ego boost out of it, which often translates into fringe benfits for me.

[Gwyneth]

Thats twice now you said the MM in this story is a dog. Does that mean you see your MM for what he really is then? Is he a dog too in your eyes?

 

I tell him All the time that he's a dog, and he agrees with me.

 

Didn't you post that this was part of your real name, your sister's name and the the city in which your mother raised you guys in a nice apartment?

 

Yes I did, and I have nothing to hide. There are many Gwyneth's in NYC believe it or not--no one can find me. I didn't post my last name or a photo of myself like some people use as avatars on this site (if it's even them).

 

Gwen's posts confuse me. They seem so contradictory.

 

How so? I change my mind time to time--is that not allowed?

[Gwyneth]

The arrogance exhibited in this thread is astounding.

 

The arrogance in this entire room is astounding. BSs against OPs is like putting two hamsters into a cage together. One always ends up hurt.

[reboot]

The arrogance in this entire room is astounding. BSs against OPs is like putting two hamsters into a cage together. One always ends up hurt.

There's only a few of you that look at it that way.

[OpenBook]

This is weird. My wife and I were talking about this just the other day. She is having the exact same experience. Guys hitting on her all the time. Some of them MUCH younger than her. I've seen it a few times myself. We get separated in a store and I catch up to her only to find some guy trying to strike something up.

 

She's still quite attractive, don't get me wrong, but, just being completely objective here, she's not the 23 year old hottie I dated anymore. She's got a few extra lines and a few extra pounds now, but it sure doesn't seem to matter to the men out there.

 

I think I won't share your similar experiences with her though. Why spoil it. She gets a pretty big ego boost out of it, which often translates into fringe benfits for me.

 

:D:D I hear ya reboot!! Good to hear you are collecting benefits from it!

[OpenBook]

How so? I change my mind time to time--is that not allowed?

 

Only if you're remorseful, Gwynnie.:mad:

[KATANYA]

Wow - shocked at the length of this thread when I checked back in.

 

Have thought a lot about this woman and her H and what she said. I personally have come to the conclusion that she is NOT pitiful in any sense of the word and I do not believe she is a gold digger, lacking or morals or self esteem or even selfish.....as some posts imply.

 

I think she has taken all of the good out of her many years with this man and chosen to focus and build on them instead of letting him be her sole downfall and her destruction. I think she has decided that he is what he is but that he is only a VERY small part of WHO she is as a mother, grandmother and woman! I think she speaks so freely of his actions because 1) other women in the group know her and know her situation (she did make a comment how he's hit on many of her friends) and 2) she is not ashamed of who SHE is and doesn't feel she has to answer or atone for HIM. She definitely wasn't looking for sympathy or support --- she was VERY confident and alive........not at all the battered, emotional wreck one may picture.

 

If anything, what I chose to take from this is that as the BS she had a choice to let him control her happiness or choose to control her own happiness ---- she has chosen to control her own life without having to give up what she feels is rightfully hers! How many of us OW have the story of how MM (exMM) controls our happiness and in some situations our lives (consumed with the thoughts, the doubts, the waiting, etc.) ---- she's not waiting, she's not doubting and she certainly isn't thinking "what's he doing when he's not with me?". I guess I really appreciate her beliefs that her life is NOT about him, its about HER and those around her that she loves and who love her wholly and unconditionally - that's what we should all remember!

[White Flower]

This is weird. My wife and I were talking about this just the other day. She is having the exact same experience. Guys hitting on her all the time. Some of them MUCH younger than her. I've seen it a few times myself. We get separated in a store and I catch up to her only to find some guy trying to strike something up.

 

She's still quite attractive, don't get me wrong, but, just being completely objective here, she's not the 23 year old hottie I dated anymore. She's got a few extra lines and a few extra pounds now, but it sure doesn't seem to matter to the men out there.

 

I think I won't share your similar experiences with her though. Why spoil it. She gets a pretty big ego boost out of it, which often translates into fringe benfits for me.

That's right and you both should enjoy it! Let her think she is the only one her age that is getting that much attention cause when it goes, it goes.

 

I think some are misinterpreting what we are saying here. I had very low self-esteem when I was young and when I look at my pictures from back then I can see that I wasn't all that bad looking nor was I all that fat. But now that I am less pretty and less thin, well, guys pay more attention. All I'm saying is that I think it's confidence. Then there is the issue of older women being more experienced that only a handful of younger guys know about or are willing to admit to knowing about.

[Gwyneth]

Only if you're remorseful, Gwynnie.:mad:

 

No, not remorseful. I just see things differently than I did--is that not normal? I thought that was normal. Geez, I must be insane or something to think it's not normal for humans to change their mind!

[NoIDidn't]

Wow - shocked at the length of this thread when I checked back in.

 

Have thought a lot about this woman and her H and what she said. I personally have come to the conclusion that she is NOT pitiful in any sense of the word and I do not believe she is a gold digger, lacking or morals or self esteem or even selfish.....as some posts imply.

 

I think she has taken all of the good out of her many years with this man and chosen to focus and build on them instead of letting him be her sole downfall and her destruction. I think she has decided that he is what he is but that he is only a VERY small part of WHO she is as a mother, grandmother and woman! I think she speaks so freely of his actions because 1) other women in the group know her and know her situation (she did make a comment how he's hit on many of her friends) and 2) she is not ashamed of who SHE is and doesn't feel she has to answer or atone for HIM. She definitely wasn't looking for sympathy or support --- she was VERY confident and alive........not at all the battered, emotional wreck one may picture.

 

If anything, what I chose to take from this is that as the BS she had a choice to let him control her happiness or choose to control her own happiness ---- she has chosen to control her own life without having to give up what she feels is rightfully hers! How many of us OW have the story of how MM (exMM) controls our happiness and in some situations our lives (consumed with the thoughts, the doubts, the waiting, etc.) ---- she's not waiting, she's not doubting and she certainly isn't thinking "what's he doing when he's not with me?". I guess I really appreciate her beliefs that her life is NOT about him, its about HER and those around her that she loves and who love her wholly and unconditionally - that's what we should all remember!

 

And that is exactly what I got from your post. And I say, good for her.

 

Why some want to make it "oh that poor, poor, pitiful, emotionally beatdown BW, the lies she must tell herself to keep her image". Whatever! I suppose projection is easier for some than for others.

[Frances]

Wow - shocked at the length of this thread when I checked back in.

 

Have thought a lot about this woman and her H and what she said. I personally have come to the conclusion that she is NOT pitiful in any sense of the word and I do not believe she is a gold digger, lacking or morals or self esteem or even selfish.....as some posts imply.

 

I think she has taken all of the good out of her many years with this man and chosen to focus and build on them instead of letting him be her sole downfall and her destruction. I think she has decided that he is what he is but that he is only a VERY small part of WHO she is as a mother, grandmother and woman! I think she speaks so freely of his actions because 1) other women in the group know her and know her situation (she did make a comment how he's hit on many of her friends) and 2) she is not ashamed of who SHE is and doesn't feel she has to answer or atone for HIM. She definitely wasn't looking for sympathy or support --- she was VERY confident and alive........not at all the battered, emotional wreck one may picture.

 

If anything, what I chose to take from this is that as the BS she had a choice to let him control her happiness or choose to control her own happiness ---- she has chosen to control her own life without having to give up what she feels is rightfully hers! How many of us OW have the story of how MM (exMM) controls our happiness and in some situations our lives (consumed with the thoughts, the doubts, the waiting, etc.) ---- she's not waiting, she's not doubting and she certainly isn't thinking "what's he doing when he's not with me?". I guess I really appreciate her beliefs that her life is NOT about him, its about HER and those around her that she loves and who love her wholly and unconditionally - that's what we should all remember!

 

Thanks for this. It is a lesson we could all take to heart. To make our lives about ourself and whom we love and not be run by what the man in our lives choose to do. It has given me a lot to think of.

[OpenBook]

If anything, what I chose to take from this is that as the BS she had a choice to let him control her happiness or choose to control her own happiness ---- she has chosen to control her own life without having to give up what she feels is rightfully hers! How many of us OW have the story of how MM (exMM) controls our happiness and in some situations our lives (consumed with the thoughts, the doubts, the waiting, etc.) ---- she's not waiting, she's not doubting and she certainly isn't thinking "what's he doing when he's not with me?". I guess I really appreciate her beliefs that her life is NOT about him, its about HER and those around her that she loves and who love her wholly and unconditionally - that's what we should all remember!

 

Absolutely agree... if you're single!! When you're married, it's no longer about HER... it's about THEM. And "THEM" in this case is a very sad and twisted thing. (He's hitting on her FRIENDS?!??)

 

And it just doesn't add up. If (as previously mentioned) she "made him" sign over all their assets to her, then how would she ever lose what is "rightfully hers"??

 

But you might be right... I may be being too judgmental about this. Every marriage is different. And it's their call (not anyone else's) how they want to work it. I just can't imagine ever making those same choices for myself. I hope I never have to. I'm still horrified, and a little sickened, by it.

[OWoman]

(He's hitting on her FRIENDS?!??)

 

I sincerely hope not since she reported him describing the OW as "disposable whores".

[noforgiveness]

I sincerely hope not since she reported him describing the OW as "disposable whores".

 

He hit on them. That does not mean these friends would ever sleep with him. I'm sure her friends had more confidence and self esteem then to become this man's other woman.

 

I'm sure he just considered the women who would take him up on his offer to be this.

[luvmy2ns]

I sincerely hope not since she reported him describing the OW as "disposable whores".

 

Every woman he hits on becomes an OW in his life? I'm pretty certain the W was talking only about the numerous women who casually sleep with her husband.