marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 My mom taught us girls to be independent and Never EVER depend on a man to support us. We are both successful business woman, just like our mom who raised us on her own. I have done the same thing with my daughter since she was young enough to understand what I was saying. I will never tire of repeating this to all the young girls I teach and know. Start from a very young age to work on your future. That means getting a good education that will provide you with a lucrative job and one that you have chosen. Never, ever depend on a man for your financial stability. EVER! No woman should have to compromise her values because of a man. Of course, this does depend on what your values are. Then again I'm the type of woman who would leave a cheating spouse even it meant I had to clean other people's houses just to survive. The woman the OP describes seems to value money and a VIP lifestyle more than independence and pride. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Which I could understand WF.....a woman begins feeling insecure even in her early 30's about her man possibly finding a younger woman attractive or more desirable.I could CERTAINLY understand this fear later on in life. I used to believe that myth, but not anymore. Don't know if it's the Baby Boomer age demographic... but I'm finding as I age (I'm in my late 40's) I am getting MORE attractive to men, not less. Younger men, men my age, older men. It's the d*mndest thing I've ever seen. Where were all these guys when I was in my 20's for crying out loud?!?? Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I used to believe that myth, but not anymore. Don't know if it's the Baby Boomer age demographic... but I'm finding as I age (I'm in my late 40's) I am getting MORE attractive to men, not less. Younger men, men my age, older men. It's the d*mndest thing I've ever seen. Where were all these guys when I was in my 20's for crying out loud?!?? This has been my experience EXACTLY! An older woman always exudes more confidence and that is SEXY as hell!!!1 Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Wow!! Just noticed that multiple post! Sorry! Now the hell did I do that? I knew I should have had that cup of coffee before posting! Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I am in my early 40's and my H is in his late 30's. I am NOT afraid he will find someone younger and better, because in my book, I am the younger and better than him in a lot of ways....I am 41, but here I look 30. I take care of myself very well and can wear a bikini with the other 19 year old friends my son brings to the lake....so you see it is not all about looks and being younger. The OW my H was talking to was a lot heavier and older than me....he was looking for something that was not physical and maybe found it, do not care now. I am happy with ME again and I feel great right now and he can no longer bring me down. I like the woman am moving on with my life, not his.....he can join me or move on another path, MY choice now what he does, not his ! Link to post Share on other sites
Frances Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I think you are all concentrating on the money aspect. In that woman's case it is not only the money, its the family, the kids and the grandkids. Divorce does not only involve the couple, it has effects on all the family. She is making the best of a bad situation, though having sex with someone who is sleeping around would not be my cup of tea. Good luck to her. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I think you are all concentrating on the money aspect. In that woman's case it is not only the money, its the family, the kids and the grandkids. Divorce does not only involve the couple, it has effects on all the family. Yes,but he isn't providing a good role model for his kids, is he? Divorce does not mean you stop being a parent or grandparent. Besides, children grow up and eventually leave home. The only reason I am focusing on the money issue is because according to the OP this woman is staying with him primarily for his money and the life style she has become accustomed to with his money. I wonder if she would up with his serial cheating if he were a fisherman on a moped. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 * put up with* Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I bet she cries herself to sleep on the nights he's enjoying his little flings. LOL too funny...and what is it the ow does every night the man goes home to his wife. LOL it is so funny the ow does not interpret their own situation the same. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Hey girls, btw, keep in mind when we talk of a lack of values or self esteeem and not staying with a cheater and putting up with is crap at any cost that many of us OW are stuck on the exact same men and we are getting MUCH LESS than this woman is but we still stay! Just thought I'd highlight this and put it in again as you've made an excellent point. There was nothing about her that denoted sympathy or 'victim' ----- No bitterness per say, just pure fact that this was HER life and he was now but a small part of the BIG picture (kids, grandkids, enjoying the fruits of her many years of hard work, etc.) Her H's significance in her life was simply that he was accommodating to her wants and needs - and expected NOTHING from her in return as she had already done her part! I believe they get on well as far as being civil with each other - he dropped her off and was there to pick her up (in a beautfiul car I might add). So, she seemed happy enough with her life as it is, and there's nothing wrong with that. She's prioritized her life a certain way and honestly, it's HER life so she's allowed to do that. And, who knows, maybe she has an OM on the side. Originally Posted by ConfusedGirl004 I bet she cries herself to sleep on the nights he's enjoying his little flings. She doesn't seem that upset about it, she's got her life going the way she wants it to be, and he gets what he wants...Together their life works as it is, so what is the problem? I see neither unhappy, him or her, from what's been said by the OP about their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 LOL too funny...and what is it the ow does every night the man goes home to his wife. LOL it is so funny the ow does not interpret their own situation the same. This is so sadly true. Both women cry. The only one who doesn't is the two -timing man. Seriously, BSs and OW have a lot more in common (apart from the ovious sharing of one man) than they think. All the hostility that transpires between the two, IMHO, is misplaced. Perhaps what they should do is join forces and throw HIM under the bus and be done with him once and for all! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 She is the one who follows God's law and for that she is the one who is pitied, laughed at, and is called pathetic. The feeling I get from the original poster, is that this particular woman that she is talking about is not honouring her vows but her spouse's money. Some men do not deserve to have a woman who honours her vows. After all, he desecrated his vows over and over again. We are not talking about a man who has had an affair and feels remorse for all the pain he has caused. We are talking about a man who has a harem. There is a big difference, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 The only one who doesn't is the two -timing man. Seriously, BSs and OW have a lot more in common (apart from the ovious sharing of one man) than they think. All the hostility that transpires between the two, IMHO, is misplaced. Perhaps what they should do is join forces and throw HIM under the bus and be done with him once and for all! But the OW is partially responsible for why it is happening in the first place.... The OW and the BS are not on the same playing field - And the BS has alot more to lose than the OW. Though you are right in the sense that the MM gets it all. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 So, she seemed happy enough with her life as it is, and there's nothing wrong with that. She's prioritized her life a certain way and honestly, it's HER life so she's allowed to do that. I agree with this 100%. We all have the right to lead the life we choose to live. And, who knows, maybe she has an OM on the side. I agree with this , too. She just might have. Perhaps, this is what makes the situation bearable ... plus the money, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 But the OW is partially responsible for why it is happening in the first place.... The OW and the BS are not on the same playing field - And the BS has alot more to lose than the OW. With all due respect, I disagree with the above. The man and only the man is responsible for his actions. After all, he is an adult. He is accountable for his own action. He could have chosen to ignore the OW's advances. Although the wife does have a lot more to lose, the OW suffers just as deeply if she has been stupid enough to fall his lies and false promises. I feel sorry for both women. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 The OW chose to have an affair with the MM. The BS doesn't get a say at all, that is UNTIL D-Day happens. The OW could have also chosen to not pursue him, or ignored HIS advances...The OW has to be accountable for her part too, be responsible for her actions as well, by getting involved knowingly with a MM, well there is always going to be pain and fallout, for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Yes, I understand what you are saying. But not all OW deliberately pursue the MM. Often, it is the man doing the relentless pursuing and the OW, if she happens to be in an emotionally vulnerable place, eventaully caves in. To me it is not a question of right and wrong, it is simply human. These men can be superb actors and can charm the pants of anyone! Like I said, my heart gors out to both women. Of course I am not talking about women who, with malice and forethought, deliberately set out to ensnare a married man. I know these types exist, too. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I see what you're saying, but in the eyes of the BS, especially when D_Day happens, the OW is just as responsible, doesn't matter if she was taken in or not by the MM. Maybe later on it makes a difference if the BS talks to the OW, finds out more about how the A happened, but before then, it's all the same. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Maybe later on it makes a difference if the BS talks to the OW, finds out more about how the A happened, but before then, it's all the same. It pains me even more when young girls are taken in by a married man. I wish I could hand over my experience to them so that they could know what they are getting themselves into. I have a daughter... grrrrrrrrrrrrr...and I often think: how can we protect young girls from this type of thing! They're easy prey by dint of their inexperience and youth alone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Girls at a young age will be taken in by ANY guy as that's just part of growing up. But, yes, I agree with you. Guess all you can do is teach her to stay away from married men, even if they make her feel special and loved. The ring on the finger should mean "taken" even if the person wearing the ring isn't acting like it. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 WWUI, Nowadays, most of them they don't even wear rings! Yes, all we can do is teach them but the young, by definition, are so easily fooled. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 It sounds like she enjoys the lifestyle he provides and has given up any hope that he will faithful. Maybe deep down so she does love him and no matter how bad he treats her she can't bring herself to leave. After all that time it is hard to admit to yourself that you wasted it on a person that betrayed you over and over again so her staying is almost a form of denial and stubborn pride. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Hopefully the BS in this story enjoyed her time at the spa while her husband was out lovin' someone else. I don't think the wife is happy with the way things are & will end up a lonely miserable woman if she's not already. Yeah, she's happy:rolleyes:. TF Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 This BS has 'settled' for what she can get. She's given up the idea of a real relationship, a real love...and has 'settled' for being financially secure. That's her choice. I doubt that many BS's actually would agree with her decision...but given two choices, you'll always find SOMEONE who made the other choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Went on a 'Women's Spa Weekend" this past weekend and met several women who I did not know. Weekend was my girlfriend's idea as I've been so down lately (she has no idea why). Anyway, sitting over several glasses of wine and some great conversation, the topic of men came up (as is usually the case with that many women). One woman (married 31 years to high school sweetheart) stated her husband was a serial cheater. Could not even control the impulse and I blurted out "Why do you stay?" I expected the same story as I hear here all the time......this is the answer I got: Why would I go anywhere? Why would I throw away everything that I have worked so hard for and deserve just so some other woman can come in and enjoy it....He will never leave me and he will someday be too old to carry on the way he does. Every one of the women he has been with and got caught with he calls 'whores' and disrespects - I actually feel sorry for them because he uses them then throws them away - they are disposable to him but I am not!....he's been to counselling, I've made him move out a couple of times but, you know what, we have five kids, three grandchildren, a beautiful house, and he gives me whatever I ask for. He also knows after the last time I caught him cheating that I will never have sex with him again unless he uses a condom which I keep beside the bed. I had him transfer all the investments over into my name, I had him sign papers saying the house would be transferred to me if we ever divorced and I made him go have bloodwork for HIV and other STDs which humiliated him beyond belief (and he goes every six months now or he moves out)....and I gave him the choice - he could stay and love me or go and love everyone else. I won't be his victim - I'll leave that role to all the women who buy his lines and sleep with him thinking there is something at the other end. There is nothing! ....I am going to live my life and love my family and my security and he can either be a part of that or not. But the part he will never have, so long as he lives and breathes, is the confidence and knowledge that I still love and trust and worship him as I did when we married - every day he knows he destroyed that. I am the wife and mother....I am not going anywhere. If he hasn't got the guts to stand up and be a man and do what he promised to do, let him leave...but he knows it will be with nothing-and he has yet to find anyone who wants to take on the 'joys' of starting out with nothing with a middle aged, married man! At this stage in my life, I am not starting over; I am continuing on, enjoying all that I have worked hard to have......I have nothing to want for and that's how its going to stay! ----- she stays because this is HER life! SHE worked for it! SHE earned it! There was nothing about her that denoted sympathy or 'victim' ----- No bitterness per say, just pure fact that this was HER life and he was now but a small part of the BIG picture (kids, grandkids, enjoying the fruits of her many years of hard work, etc.) Her H's significance in her life was simply that he was accommodating to her wants and needs - and expected NOTHING from her in return as she had already done her part! I believe they get on well as far as being civil with each other - he dropped her off and was there to pick her up (in a beautfiul car I might add). What a mature, practical, grown-up attitude. That woman ROCKS. She's no doormat, sure she hates that he cheats but you know what? She made the absolute BEST out of a sh#tty situation. She is no dummy, that's for sure. Good for her! Link to post Share on other sites
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