Which one do I end?

[Willow]

Ok let me start by saying I have been married 12 years and 10 1/2 of those I have been faithful. My hubby and I have had our fair share of ups and downs. I do care for him very much but not sure how much I really love him anymore.He is a good person and a very good dad too but he has some real issues I have problems dealing with..(insecure,controling,self abusive and can be verbally abusive to me)He has said he will get help but never does. well on to part 2 of this.....

 

Back in Aug.of 98 I met a really nice guy on line who lives close and knows I am married and knows of my situation fully. He is single. Our relationship started out really nice we talked and got to know each other but as time went on we talk about every day things less and it has mostly turned to a very sexual one which I happen to enjoy very much. He has brought out my sexuality I never knew I had in me. But now a year and a half later we have never really talked about what or if any kind of future there might be for us. Honestly, I'm not sure there is one but to verbalize it would be nice.

 

He gives me what my hubby doesn't. I know it sounds like I'm taking both and having my cake and eat it too. I never thought of myself ever being in a situation like this..NEVER! But now that I am I really don't know what to do. My hubby does have his suspicions of something going on but doesn't know for sure.

 

So I guess what I am asking here is: Should I end my marriage/seperate and let him work out his problems (which he always says I am the cause of) and go on my own and just keep this affair as a fling for myself and be on my own? Work it out with my hubby? (I really don't know it it can work till he wants to do it for himself) Or ask my "lover" where we stand and take things from there? Oh so many questions I have in my head and so many confusing answers come to mind. So if anyone could please spare a little bit of advice I would greatly appreciate it.

[fidget]

Ok let me start by saying I have been married 12 years and 10 1/2 of those I have been faithful. My hubby and I have had our fair share of ups and downs. I do care for him very much but not sure how much I really love him anymore.He is a good person and a very good dad too but he has some real issues I have problems dealing with..(insecure,controling,self abusive and can be verbally abusive to me)He has said he will get help but never does. well on to part 2 of this..... Back in Aug.of 98 I met a really nice guy on line who lives close and knows I am married and knows of my situation fully. He is single. Our relationship started out really nice we talked and got to know each other but as time went on we talk about every day things less and it has mostly turned to a very sexual one which I happen to enjoy very much. He has brought out my sexuality I never knew I had in me. But now a year and a half later we have never really talked about what or if any kind of future there might be for us. Honestly, I'm not sure there is one but to verbalize it would be nice. He gives me what my hubby doesn't. I know it sounds like I'm taking both and having my cake and eat it too. I never thought of myself ever being in a situation like this..NEVER! But now that I am I really don't know what to do. My hubby does have his suspicions of something going on but doesn't know for sure. So I guess what I am asking here is: Should I end my marriage/seperate and let him work out his problems (which he always says I am the cause of) and go on my own and just keep this affair as a fling for myself and be on my own? Work it out with my hubby? (I really don't know it it can work till he wants to do it for himself) Or ask my "lover" where we stand and take things from there? Oh so many questions I have in my head and so many confusing answers come to mind. So if anyone could please spare a little bit of advice I would greatly appreciate it.

To start you need to worry about your marriage first decide on what you are going to do there. Sounds like he need to get his ##### together and if he blames you for all his problems then he need to get help and be on his own till he finds out who he really is. Second being maried that long is a almost a rare find now a days but you need to look out for you and your child/children. Maybe you too need time to yourself to figure out who you are also. Then last I would worry about where you and your "lover" can go. I he cares about you ina ny way he will understand your need to do this and be there when you figure things out And... Who knows with a little time apart and some deep soul searching you and hubby may be able to work you marriage out. But I am a firm believer of making sure you are happy so if your marriage doesn't work sure why not keep the "boytoy" if thats what makes you happy but if thats all he is then I wouldn't really expect more from him and leave him as that. Just make sure YOU are happy...