Has my ex gone off the deep end or am I living in bizzaro world

[serendip]

Something tells me whatever relationship she was in has recently ended... now she's doing double time on the breakup rollercoaster. Finally feeling the pain of both yours and the other guys.

 

 

This could be a possibility but I don't think so. I think she genuinely thought it was me making the prank calls(but it wasn't the real reason she contacted me)...when I said it wasn't me she just exploded(probably some underlying issue that she's going through). Now she regrets calling me names and feels guilty about it b/c she is not normally this type of person...but she's still defensive about things. I suspect she kind of wants me to tell her everything is cool in order to help her move on.

 

I'm not giving her closure nor is it my responsibility to make her feel good. That boat sailed a long time ago. I am only responsible to me and I have to take care of myself. If I feel like calling her back...I will...but I don't feel like it right now...so I won't.

[MacgyverThis]

Oh dear,

If I were you I would have thrown a party to celebrate getting out of that crazy girl's cluches. She sounds like a right nutter.

I would have been so embarassed if I had accused someone of calling me and they sent me their bill.

Congratulations for gving her the boot and I hope you get a nice dedicated girlfriend instead of this psycho, bunny boiler type girl again.

[serendip]

It was a nightmare on new years eve.

 

I was totally prep for the ex-girlfriend contacting me since I haven't responded to her...I even set her phone number up again on my phone with a special ring to make sure I wouldn't answer it. I was enjoying myself at friend's party...and of course around 10:40 pm I hear the special ring...it's a text message

 

"I am down the street at a party"

 

This threw me for a loop since she lives 2000 miles away and I'm thinking she would be spending new years with some dude...so I responded by texting

 

"what"

 

She texted back

 

"I'm at a party down the street from your place"

 

At this point I'm drunk and freaked out since we haven't seen each other since before our breakup(7 or 8 mths). But I decide to wait after new years before I responded

 

So I first try calling her around 12:20...twice...no answer...so I text her this

 

"Why are u telling me this do u want to talk tonight"

 

Then friends wanted to go back to my place...so we did...I haven't heard back from her so I text her

"I just got home"

 

As the night progressed...I'm getting more agitated b/c I don't understand why she bothered contacting me(saying she's down the street) especially on new years...so I tried calling and texted her again

 

"I really don't understand why you contacted me if you didn't want to talk to me thats not cool"

 

No response...so finally I had enough...I texted her this at 3 or 4 in the morning

"I get several messages from you on christmas asking if I wanted to discuss things and saying how special I am to u meanwhile 3 weeks ago u called me a sick man liar conartist and tonight u contacted me again so i figure we should talk but u don't respond so i had enough i don't understand what you want from me"

She responds the next day at 9:30am with this text...

"I'm sorry i wanted to talk to yu last night but the party went late and i had to go home"

 

This was such a lame excuse...if she really wanted to see me she would have seen me no matter what. Also she could have just responded with a text saying it was getting late and she wanted to go home instead of leaving me hanging. I think she just wanted a reaction from me(she got it with many calls and texts) since I haven't responded to her previously...and I let her get under my skin. I was totally prep for anything but her saying she was down the street...that threw me off.

So on new years day I was so angry with myself and her...it just really bug me all day which is not cool. I didn't want to perpetuate the negativity especially after new years because it lingers longer...so I forced myself to write something really positive...just to get rid of the anger I had with her

and I text this yesterday

 

"I am sorry if I made your life more complicated. I'm sorry for a lot of things but most of all I am sorry I never got the chance to tell you...no matter what happens next I never will be anything but grateful for every moment I spent with you and even though I keep fumbling for the right words all I really wanted to say was thank you."

 

This was for my benefit not hers....it made me feel better....a form of release. Plus every time I write something positive to her...she ignores me which is good(she hasn't responded so far)...where as when I ignore her...she contacts me. Also...it will make her think a bit b/c it is unexpected and from left field....she won't know how to respond.

 

I'm glad we didn't meet on new years...I was way too drunk...and most likely would have gotten emotional. But I hate the fact she is just playing games with me(wanted a reaction out of me). I'm still very upset over it.

[serendip]

I'm still upset over the NYE fiasco. But I'm glad she hasn't contacted me since I sent her the nice text. I guess I was right.

 

What the hell is going on with her and what does she want from me.

 

Does anyone know if it cost extra money to block someone's number? I don't want this happening again.

 

I suspect she might try to contact me again btwn the end of the month and the first 2 weeks of Feb...since it's her B-day, my B-day and what would have been our 2 yr anniversary.

[serendip]

I contacted ex yesterday. I know (don't break NC)...but it was actually good and it helped me in the sense I'm less angry with her.

 

I texted her this last night...

 

I hope u got the sense of peace u needed from my last text but i just need to get something off my chest all i ever wanted from u was a simple apology for cheating without excuses and justifications or some sort of inclination that u understood the pain that comes from infidelity u never gave me that sense of peace thats why i never once said i forgive you

 

She replied with this...

 

I understand

 

then 2 mins later she text this...

 

Im sorry that i hurt yu

 

Then I replied...

 

I want to forgive you and let things go but i just want to know why u did it a honest answer b/c every thing i read on the subject comes down to two things selfishness and weakness of character issues did i treat u badly or not give u what u needed in the relationship

 

her reply...

 

Yu cant analyze it that much i dont know why i did it except that i really wanted to move out here

 

then my reply...

 

I can understand u wanting to move to the westcoast because it was ur dream before u met me but that has nothing to do with cheating i guess i will never know i have to live with that someone suggested that u never really loved me and that u just used me but i don't believe that

 

her reply...

 

No. i loved yu

 

then my reply...

 

I know u truly did u loved me more then u care to admit i never doubted it thats why i had such a hard time trying to figure out the underlying cause for your actions

 

I didn't hear back from her so 10 mins later(1 am)...I sent this

 

Did u still want to continue talking or u just want to go to bed

 

I must of said something to upset her or hit a nerve b/c she never replied back...which didn't matter. I slept like a baby afterwards b/c I got a lot of things out of my system. Now I'm less angry and I can start to forgive her so I can MOVE ON...instead of bottling up the anger. I don't need to hear from her again b/c I realize no matter the explanation(underlying cause) she gives me for cheating...it will never satisfy me b/c there is no excuse for what she did. The only thing she can say that would help me...is that she realizes she was selfish and has self-esteem issues. I expect hell to freeze over before I hear that from her. But I think I gave her a lot of things to think about and she seems less defensive....she is willing to listen a little bit instead of arguing. I'm glad I contacted her...it made me feel better.

[serendip]

Any opinions?

 

Do you think I came off too harsh with my text messages...it made her feel guilty and that's why she didn't respond back?

 

or she didn't have an answer for why she cheated?

[CaliGuy]

Any opinions?

 

Yes. Run as far away from her as you can.

 

Do you think I came off too harsh with my text messages...it made her feel guilty and that's why she didn't respond back?

 

or she didn't have an answer for why she cheated?

 

Discussing things with her over text isn't the best avenue to remedy a relationship. My personal advice to you is to forget about her. She's much more trouble than she's worth.

[serendip]

Yes. Run as far away from her as you can.

 

 

 

Discussing things with her over text isn't the best avenue to remedy a relationship. My personal advice to you is to forget about her. She's much more trouble than she's worth.

 

 

Thanks CaliGuy....I don't want to get back with her. The romantic relationship aspect is gone. I don't even pretend we can repair it. The damage is beyond repair...I lost hope along time ago.

 

I just want to get a understanding of things (not closure b/c closure comes from ourselves)...so I can get over this emotional blackhole. I thought enough time has pass(9 mths) that we would be mature enough to discuss it...but perhaps not.

 

I'm a freakin walking contradiction

[Phateless]

Thanks CaliGuy....I don't want to get back with her. The romantic relationship aspect is gone. I don't even pretend we can repair it. The damage is beyond repair...I lost hope along time ago.

 

I just want to get a understanding of things (not closure b/c closure comes from ourselves)...so I can get over this emotional blackhole. I thought enough time has pass(9 mths) that we would be mature enough to discuss it...but perhaps not.

 

I'm a freakin walking contradiction

 

You are lying to yourself. You don't want to move past it or you would not keep indulging her and replying over and over and over. I can quote at least 3 separate occasions where you told us you wouldn't contact her again. This girl is bad for you and you need to cut her off, cold turkey, forever.

 

At least admit to yourself if you still feel anything for her, because I think you do.

 

Not trying to be mean, just trying to be blunt and honest.

[serendip]

At least admit to yourself if you still feel anything for her, because I think you do.

 

Not trying to be mean, just trying to be blunt and honest.

 

Dude...your advice was not harsh or blunt...it's always welcomed

 

I totally still have feelings for her...I'll probably will always have feelings for her...I would never deny that.

 

But realistically I do know our relationship is over...even if she called up and beg me to get back together...I would have to say no b/c

 

1) There is no trust in the relationship...I don't trust her and she doesn't trust me

 

2) Once the trust is gone...it is almost impossible to repair especially in a LDR...and she isn't moving back now...since we broke up

 

3) I don't see her as the same person I fell in loved with...but I will probably always care about her

 

I just need to get over what she did and what I did once and for all. I thought a discussion would help with this cause.

 

But I know as long as I have uncontrolled emotions(anger...love or what ever)...then I shouldn't talk to her.

[Phateless]

Dude...your advice was not harsh or blunt...it's always welcomed

 

I totally still have feelings for her...I'll probably will always have feelings for her...I would never deny that.

 

But realistically I do know our relationship is over...even if she called up and beg me to get back together...I would have to say no b/c

 

1) There is no trust in the relationship...I don't trust her and she doesn't trust me

 

2) Once the trust is gone...it is almost impossible to repair especially in a LDR...and she isn't moving back now...since we broke up

 

3) I don't see her as the same person I fell in loved with...but I will probably always care about her

 

I just need to get over what she did and what I did once and for all. I thought a discussion would help with this cause.

 

But I know as long as I have uncontrolled emotions(anger...love or what ever)...then I shouldn't talk to her.

 

To a certain extent, I think discussion legitimizes obsessing over it and enables you to keep feeling it. You need to cut her out of your life and bury her memory as if she never existed. In time, when you are over it, you can go back and remember the good things and maybe even be friends with her.

 

I recently saw my ex for the first time in a long time and it was weird. My impression of her was that I had no interest in talking to her at all. I can now honestly say that I am completely over her. I think I was inadvertently a bit less nice than I should have been, but nobody noticed.

 

Maybe I'll be friends with her someday.

 

But yeah, it took me a solid year of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT to get over it.

 

Oh and I've slept with several other women since her. Not gonna post the number because of the discussion in the other thread.

[serendip]

To a certain extent, I think discussion legitimizes obsessing over it and enables you to keep feeling it. You need to cut her out of your life and bury her memory as if she never existed. In time, when you are over it, you can go back and remember the good things and maybe even be friends with her.

 

I recently saw my ex for the first time in a long time and it was weird. My impression of her was that I had no interest in talking to her at all. I can now honestly say that I am completely over her. I think I was inadvertently a bit less nice than I should have been, but nobody noticed.

 

Maybe I'll be friends with her someday.

 

But yeah, it took me a solid year of ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT to get over it.

 

Oh and I've slept with several other women since her. Not gonna post the number because of the discussion in the other thread.

 

 

You are right I shouldn't keep in contact until I'm completely heal from this ordeal. I was fine in december after she went nuts...did NC and ignored her when she try to contact me on the 24th and 25th. I was good...until NYE when she said she wa down the street from my house. Since we hadn't seen each other since April before the break up...I figure we could sit down face to face and clear the air once and for all...but she flaked out or just wanted a reacton out of me. I was so angry with her afterwards and I was angry with myself for letting her get to me. I didn't want to be stuck with this baggage ...so I replied with a nice text so that I could release the negativity. It worked for a bit but I was still pissed...so I contacted her to let her know...and that's about it.

 

As far as forgetting about her...that's not really possible. I never forgot about her when we broke up the first time...that was 10 years we were apart with NC. She never forgot about me either...she told me she almost got married to someone 4 years ago but she thought about me and how I would disapprove(this is after 7 yrs of NC)...so she didn't get married. But this time I know we did too much damage to ever reconcile the relationship. It's gone...and I just have to deal with that sadness.

 

As far as seeing other women...I've gone on dates with alot of women and been intimate with some of them since the breakup. Does it help me get over everything that has happen...not really. I think it is going to take more time. I think it would have helped if she could have told me a reason for her cheating(not loving me...I put pressure on her...or whatever)...but she doesn't have an explanation herself. I like to find out the cause of things...reason in absurdity.

 

Glad to hear you saw your ex and don't have feelngs anymore. How was the experience?

[serendip]

for some reason my reply was posted twice

[Phateless]

for some reason my reply was posted twice

 

Seeing my ex was weird. I thought about making a separate thread about it but decided against it. I didn't want to get into it. I was polite, but didn't make any effort to hide the fact that I wasn't interested in talking to her. I honestly would much rather talk to the other girls at the party, so I did. I'm glad I was able to confront my fear of her. I think that was a big step for me. As the evening wore on it got easier and gradually started to feel more natural, but I'm pretty convinced at this point that she has nothing to offer me. I can't believe I wasted 5 years of my life on that girl...

[serendip]

Seeing my ex was weird. I thought about making a separate thread about it but decided against it. I didn't want to get into it. I was polite, but didn't make any effort to hide the fact that I wasn't interested in talking to her. I honestly would much rather talk to the other girls at the party, so I did. I'm glad I was able to confront my fear of her. I think that was a big step for me. As the evening wore on it got easier and gradually started to feel more natural, but I'm pretty convinced at this point that she has nothing to offer me. I can't believe I wasted 5 years of my life on that girl...

 

 

That's great to hear